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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

999 replies

Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 19:01

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up Grin

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

OP posts:
EugenesAxe · 05/03/2019 20:11

Błackbird18 and KittyMcV are so right, along with many others. Many people have jobs or do things requiring a DBS; she knows nothing about you and the position you could be put in by ‘being kind’ and taking children without permission.

HomeMadeMadness · 05/03/2019 20:12

A telling off is not holding her at fault. If they had decided she was at fault then they would have informed ss.

Rubbish if they fault she wasn't at fault she wouldn't have been told off by definition a telling off is telling someone they were in the wrong. They didn't feel the children were in sufficient danger so didn't call SS.

Bennyandthejetsssss · 05/03/2019 20:13

Good lord!

‘Well done OP for having balls’?

Balls? Surely balls is fronting the mother out for taking the piss. Not shaming her kids? Surely balls is picking up the phone to SS yourself and telling them causing the least drama for the kids?

I have to stop looking at this. Truly.

It would be funny if there were not children involved! I bet SS do not follow up unless there’s history. Police don’t have the resources to stop kids knifing each other, I bet they were delighted by this mum returning late from the hairdresser and OP hosting a party she had no back-up resources for!!

PiebaldHamster · 05/03/2019 20:13

My mum, by the way, cannot just not turn up for work. She absolutely would have been disciplined for that.

It's okay, Dumb, plenty of us work in such professions or our loved ones do. My husband couldn't turn up late for a reason like this without also facing discipline.

HJWT · 05/03/2019 20:14

@Dumbodog people are bat shit crazy...

This woman dropped her youngest DD of at a party didn't tell the host she was leaving and just fucked of

This woman also paid for her daughter to go into soft play left her there and just fucked of not even ensuring she had a snack & drink???

Does no one get that? If someone did this whilst you was at soft play, would you take that child home? Or wait around all day... would you hell!!!

PiebaldHamster · 05/03/2019 20:15

Gawd, yes, all her fault for not having 'back up resources'! There you go, her kid doesn't deserve to have a party with his mates because Mum doesn't have back up resources for cunts who abandon their kids! I've heard it all now.

Witchtower · 05/03/2019 20:15

@PiebaldHamster

I accept that people would leave but I’m saying I wouldn’t. I’m def not a CF, my eldest is 6 and I’ve only ever left her once at a bday party and that’s because it was compulsory and I wasn’t that comfortable with it. My timetable is laughable. I don’t get time to breathe. But I would make time for this.

IvanaPee · 05/03/2019 20:15

Benny, what is all this “shaming the kids” shite? They’re 8 and 4.

They were playing happily when OP left, oblivious to what was going on.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/03/2019 20:15

I never once denied it.

You literally wrote She didn’t wait at all. ?

Yes the OP didn't state it explicitly in her first post but she did clarify this later on. I don't see it as a drip feed more adding more information when asked. It hardly changed the story to know she waited, I assumed the OP didn't just waltz out the door once the party ended nobody ever does that.

IvanaPee · 05/03/2019 20:16

And sorry but back up resources? Why the fuck should she have back up resources?!

FrancisCrawford · 05/03/2019 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 20:19

Op no need to justify you were 100% correct. The CF mother was responsible for handing over her children, if she was leaving the premisis, she needed to tell you, and a return time, which she did not! If she was late, she should have called or text you. Op waited as much as she could, but had to go and collect her other child, who is her priority. She left the children with safe adults who quite rightly informed the Police. Some people on here are crazy.

PiebaldHamster · 05/03/2019 20:19

But I would make time for this.

I'm so glad you could make the OP's mum's boss think sure, just turn up as and when for your shift then, Witch, that's great. Here's a big Star, that's better than Darren Brown. With such magical powers, can you also make time to talk some sense into Theresa May and the powers that be?

ScarletBitch · 05/03/2019 20:20

I would ring her back and make it perfectly clear what a terrible mum she is abandoning her DC just to get her bloody hair done, then not having the decency to return on time. In fact I would also tell her this raises issues on how her children are treated at home, especially after the abusive phone call she give you. SS should be informed, let's see if she is as gobby then!

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 20:21

Op mum had to go to work, or she would be disciplined. I have been doing parties for 10 years, and nothing like this has happened, as a host, if a parent wishes to leave the premisis, they inform me, and the time they will be back and leave a number to contact them on should there be an emergency. This would not happen in a school or nursery, CF mum would be severely reprimanded, if she was very late SS would be called.

Beanie3 · 05/03/2019 20:22

You have to do your best for the children regardless of your feelings towards the mother. It's not their fault and they didn't get to choose their parents.

IvanaPee · 05/03/2019 20:23

She did do her best.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 20:23

Op did not plan for a child to be abandoned in her care, the invites stated a start and end time to which CF mother should have adhered to, if not, she should have had the decency to inform op.

woodhill · 05/03/2019 20:23

I think the other parents at the nursery will feel sympathy towards OP in the situation.

li1972 · 05/03/2019 20:23

So the mum abandoned their elder child at the softplay? Why would / should OP take responsibility for this child? The staff did the right thing as they would for ANY child left unattended in a soft play centre. If OP hasn't been asked to take responsibility for this unknown child (by the mum) then why the hell should she? After an hour of trying to contact the mum, I'd have assumed the worse too ( accident) and so would have let the at centre contact the police.
OP WNBU.
Also, a mother that abandons her children like this needs a kick up the arse from police and social workers. It's a shame the police didn't involve social workers IMO.
Whilst I feel sorry for the children, covering up what could be a pattern of child neglect should NEVER be covered up.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 20:23

Yes Beanie op did do her best, she had to collect her other child from her mother who had to be at work or she would be sanctioned!!!!!

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/03/2019 20:24

You have to do your best for the children regardless of your feelings towards the mother.

Errm that's exactly what she did. What else did you want her to do?

Bennyandthejetsssss · 05/03/2019 20:25

As a mum who ended up taking a kid to a&e during her ds’s Party, I can assure you - having others there to hold the fort while I took responsibility as the host, was a back up resource I’d clearly thought about.

As I’m not the sort to abandon kids and call the Police instead.

My family and friends were there to step in, you know like good people do at a kids birthday party...

We also waited 90 mins while CF took her time to send her new boyfriend to collect her child. Did I call the Police? Did I fuck. He was in my care so I stepped up!

There are those that act with thought and kindness and genuine concern for children’s welfare, and those that would rather walk away and call for a sneaky slating on Mumsnet instead.

FrancisCrawford · 05/03/2019 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

li1972 · 05/03/2019 20:26

Also, elder child was not abandoned at a party... she was abandoned at a play centre that her sibling was attending a party at! So up to play centre staff to deal with As they see fit!

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