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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

999 replies

Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 19:01

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up Grin

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

OP posts:
Travellingmamma · 05/03/2019 19:50

I think you did the right thing! If it was me, I probably would’ve waited, made my kids fed up, gm cross because she’s late for/missed work, baby upset waiting for mummy etc. All the while silently fuming, but then when cf breezed in and offered a feeble apology I would’ve said “it’s ok, it wasn’t a problem!” And then she would do it again to someone else. Oh and I would spend the next I don’t know how long going over what had happened, wishing I’d had the balls to just leave! My eldest is 5 and I’ve just started leaving him at parties so I can take care of his younger sibling, but I always check with the host, have my phone to hand and get back before the party ends. It’s common sense! The mother was foolish and neglectful and this may be the wake up call she needs YWNBU

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/03/2019 19:50

I would of taken them with me

How?

The staff wouldn't let them leave, quite rightly.
How should the OP get them home?
What happens if the mother reports to the police that her children are missing?

Witchtower · 05/03/2019 19:50

@YourSarcasmIsDripping I’m defending my view and posts targeted at me. If you don’t agree with me then that’s fine.

Witchtower · 05/03/2019 19:51

@PiebaldHamster but OP wasn’t there to prove her side of the story.

greeneyedlulu · 05/03/2019 19:52

This is a really shit position to be left in and I think you did the right thing for your situation, having to get back for your baby/mum had to go to work! Let's be honest the left kids probably didn't even notice if they left to play in the soft play! I don't see mine for at least 45 minutes as he's far too busy for mummy!

The other mum is completely in the wrong here and quite frankly I'd be sending her the shittiest of texts telling her about herself!!

Note to self.... always state on invites if siblings are invited and if children can be left un-attended! I'm new to this too!!

Witchtower · 05/03/2019 19:52

@PiebaldHamster ps I know she doesn’t have to prove any thing it’s CF who has the explaining to do. I’m just pointing out the possibility of what CF might do or say.

EllenMP · 05/03/2019 19:54

Sure the other mum was right out of order, but you behaved shockingly in leaving two small children with strangers waiting for the police, thinking their mum had been in an accident or abandoned them or was going to be arrested. Most kids would be DEEPLY traumatized by that and I cannot believe you would cause them such pain to punish their mum. Your mum would surely understand .

PiebaldHamster · 05/03/2019 19:54

Um, Witch, it's not a fucking court! She told the staff, they told her they were calling the cops, the so-called mum told her the cops gave her a stern talking to. There's nothing here to prove, however much you want there to be, the staff and cops found fault with the parent having left her kids at the soft play and becoming unavailable for contact. That's, erm, the end. Hmm

StarB3 · 05/03/2019 19:54

It wasn't up to you to take the kids home - you said yourself you weren't even really friends with her so I'm guessing the kids have never been to yours. Anyway it wasn't your responsibility but may have been better to wait with them if you could, if not fair enough. That women was unbelievable to leave her kids there like that

titchy · 05/03/2019 19:56

Maybe we’ll realise that social services did absolutely nothing as there wasn’t a problem. Mum was a CF.

Or maybe we'll find this was the latest in a long line of neglectful incidents and the children are now being monitored by SS.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/03/2019 19:56

leaving two small children with strangers

Ironic that the mum had no trouble doing exactly this...

waiting for the police, thinking their mum had been in an accident or abandoned them or was going to be arrested.

They didn't know the police were coming and they wouldn't have found out until they arrived. So not sure why they would be traumatised but don't let that stop you from scaremongering. Hmm

titchy · 05/03/2019 19:57

Read the thread Ellen - the kids were in the soft play the entire time. Not snivelling in a corner wondering if mum had been arrested.

livinglavidavillanelle · 05/03/2019 19:58

And I bet the CF would have had a go at you if you'd taken them home, saying she didn't know where they were blah blah.

I'm not sure I would have left them there under any circumstances to be honest, but let's be clear here...the fault was entirely their mothers. End of.

DoveOfPiss · 05/03/2019 19:58

Must admit to not having RTFT as there's 27 pages so apologies if this has already been mentioned, but surely the fact that the police actually got there before the CF mum shows how long she took after the OP left.
I'm sure CF wouldn't have been the type to hang around if the soft play staff had said 'oo just wait here for a bit, the police want to speak to you when they get here'.

Well done OP for having the balls to do what we'd probably all love to have done at some point at our children's parties.

lisamac28 · 05/03/2019 19:59

However you were wrong too. Two wrongs don’t make a right. I had to wait for a child to be picked up for at least half an hour once

What I don’t get is why OP organised the party with so little headroom between it finishing and needing to collect her 6mo. It seems to have got to finishing time and straight off she goes

If you people would bother your arses to read OPs posts you would know that she stayed behind for half an hour after the party finished...ringing the mother numerous times. This thread is so frustrating!

Original poster
Dumbodog · 05/03/2019 20:00

Regarding a text to "prove" siblings are welcome, no, she doesn't have that. It's a soft play. It's wasn't an exclusive party and people are allowed to pay entry for siblings or friends or whatever if they want, I have no say in that. The other parents that brought older siblings/babies dropped me a text or said at nursery that they would be doing so. They didn't have to let me know, but they did anyway. CF didn't let me know, which is also fine as she didn't have to. What she did have to do was tell me she was leaving both kids alone in my care, and she didn't do that!

Also for the millionth time, I could not stay with the kids. Every party I've been to/hosted, kids have gone at the stated end time. 10 minutes later at a push. I didn't expect these kids to be left alone or for CF to not turn up. I intended to pack up and go as quick as I could but then I waited as long as I could for CF to come back. Maybe my timings were off but had CF took her kids home when everyone else did, I wouldn't have been late getting to my mum.

My mum, by the way, cannot just not turn up for work. She absolutely would have been disciplined for that.

To clarify, I had never even seen the older sibling before. I wasn't exactly a familiar adult. I pass the youngest in nursery, don't think I've ever said a word to her. I didn't even know her name until DS invited her to the party. They play at nursery and that's it.

OP posts:
Witchtower · 05/03/2019 20:02

It’s a very shitty situation to be in and CF (cunt face, not cheeky fucker in this scenario) is appalling.

What has put me off OP is

  1. My main bother is that she didn’t allow girl into party room. I refuse to believe that if you explained the situation to staff they would have refused. Tell them she was left by mother and especially if they see her crying. I genuinely don’t believe you would have been turned down by staff. However strict on numbers they are. This made me feel cold towards you.
  1. She didn’t wait at all. She said she waited 30mins but explained that was just her having a tidy up and collecting presents. At least give a tiny bit of your time. This made me feel like it was now a point to prove for leaving her kids and adding pressure to your already stressful day.

I think if you hadn’t had a point to prove then it would have bothered me less if you had left. If I had started this thread you would have heard a lot more about the children and the guilt I would be feeling.

Lillyringlet · 05/03/2019 20:04

Wow there are so many idiots in this thread.

Op what you did was spot on. Anyone who hasn't read the thread and seen there was no chance you could stay can see that. If they have read the thread and think you did anything wrong, then they are cf themselves.

I really hope we get an update now though from cf mother. I bet she'll be trying to spin her own take but others there know the truth - she abandoned her kids and got bollocking from the police.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 05/03/2019 20:05

She had to go back to her mother because she had to go to work!!! That's not refusing to wait,that's being unable to wait...not forming a CF chain where everyone waits for everyone else and lets others down for the sake of a hair appointment ffs!!!

Witchtower · 05/03/2019 20:06

@PiebaldHamster erm actually no, that’s the point. A telling off is not holding her at fault. If they had decided she was at fault then they would have informed ss.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/03/2019 20:06

I genuinely don’t believe you would have been turned down by staff. However strict on numbers they are.

Of course they do. They face cheeky parents everyday who try to shoe horn another child into the room. I can 100% believe they have a strict policy.

She didn’t wait at all. She said she waited 30mins but explained that was just her having a tidy up and collecting presents.

So you admit she waited 30 minutes. It doesn't matter if those 30 minutes were not sitting with the children or tidying up but either way the OP gave leeway of 30 minutes.

IvanaPee · 05/03/2019 20:07

You were dead right, OP.

And if more people didn’t pander to this shit, these people wouldn’t do it as often.

PiebaldHamster · 05/03/2019 20:07

Jesus wept, Witch, her mother had to go to work! She couldn't give any more fucking time! Some people cannot be late to work for shit like this without getting in real trouble and/or having their pay docked, tough shit for them but that's how it goes.

Dumb, seriously, you did FA wrong. I'd block this so-called mum.

Witchtower · 05/03/2019 20:10

@HeadsUpThumbsDownEveryone

‘So you admit she waited 30 minutes’

I never once denied it. That’s why I thought OP had drip fed a little as she didn’t explain very well.

Original poster
Dumbodog · 05/03/2019 20:11

Witchtower So because I've not wrote enough about the children and how I felt about the situation, I'm cold? Okay Hmm
My point is about the party and the leaving of children without telling the host. Was it nice leaving children not knowing what would happen? No, of course not. Did I feel great when the police called and they couldn't even say if CF mum had turned up as they're not my children? Definitely not. Was I thrilled when CF mum called to shout at me and tell me she'd caused all this to get her hair done and I realised it's probably not the first time? Nope. But none of that is what mattered. What mattered was knowing the kids were safe, which they were, when I had to leave.

OP posts: