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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

999 replies

Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 19:01

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up Grin

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

OP posts:
Witchtower · 05/03/2019 19:35
ReaganSomerset · 05/03/2019 19:36

They would not have felt abandoned if OP had stayed as they would have seen it as an extension of the party.

I don't think you're crediting the kids with enough sense here. Eight year olds are very capable of noticing when a party is over and also when they've not been picked up but everyone else has. And also of feeling abandoned even when they vaguely recognise one person there. The OP didn't cause the abandonment-that was their mother, 100%.

neveradullmoment99 · 05/03/2019 19:36

They are kids ffs. Its not their fault.

Bennyandthejetsssss · 05/03/2019 19:36

M3lon - I spent my DS’s party in A&E one year!

Sorry love but the one thing I’m not is full of shit!

If you have a party you usually make contingency plans for people’s unpredictability - or is that just those of us with common sense?

I waited with one kid for 90 minutes. My friends and family waited too and we just carried on admittedly, through gritted teeth - as we’re not mean! It wasn’t his fault.

If you’re really that arsed about the children’s welfare while they’re at your event, you’d look after them yourself first.

PiebaldHamster · 05/03/2019 19:36

PieBaldHamster the play staff only knew OP side.

Um, yes, her 'side' would have been her booking with a set number of guests of which the older one was not a part of but still there with no parent and then, the parent's not being there. So that's, erm, a pretty self-explanatory 'side'.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 19:37

The main thing is op made sure the kids were safe, which they were! It was good that Police were called on the mum.

ReaganSomerset · 05/03/2019 19:37

@neveradullmoment99

No one said it was.

neveradullmoment99 · 05/03/2019 19:38

But they are acting like it was. Surely a few steps to make sure the kids were ok, stay with them..it would have been a priority for me, cheeky fucker mum or not.

Witchtower · 05/03/2019 19:39

@ReaganSomerset ok so OP saying ‘hey kids your mum is running a bit late so we’re going to play here for a bit longer’ OR
‘Sorry kids, not sure where your mum is but we’re gonna call the police just on case, see you later, bye’

I don’t think you’re crediting the kids with enough sense. When OP left I’m sure they were thinking of various possible scenarios of what is happening.

mbosnz · 05/03/2019 19:40

You make contingency plans within the parameters of your resources.

Which means the rules of the venue, the time you have, the other commitments you have, the commitments of others who have enabled you to have the party have.

At least the so-called mother knew the address of the place where she dumped her kids and ran. Would she have known OP's address? Or would she have covered up her dumping and running by screeching 'kidnap'?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/03/2019 19:40

Surely a few steps to make sure the kids were ok, stay with them

The OP made provisions to ensure the children were ok. They were safe and being looked after. They were happily playing and no harm was befalling them. Yes they were with strangers but they didn't know the OP any better than they knew the soft play staff.

Plus for the 1000th time she couldn't stay because she had to collect her daughter so her mother could go to work.

Witchtower · 05/03/2019 19:40

@PiebaldHamster bit OP told parents siblings where welcome and I’m sure CF has a text to prove. These situations can get very twisted.

ReaganSomerset · 05/03/2019 19:41

The kids were OK. The OP did take steps to ensure that. So did the soft play and the police.

They got extra play time with their sibling, probably got to have a nice chat to a police officer who is trained in making kids feel at ease and then went home with their mum.

Witchtower · 05/03/2019 19:41

*were

Adventuremommy · 05/03/2019 19:42

I have had a similar issue with a nursery mom.

Every party we go to she brings DD and asks me to mind her whilst she runs to the loo or shops. Or tells me she has left something in the car.
She disappears and is gone whole party and at the end of the party I am left looking for her. Often I am stood outside the venue calling her.

Whilst I would never leave her DD at the venue or unattended I have raised my concerns with other moms and nursery manger (as she has left DD alone outside shops too!)

OP sounds like you were in a very difficult position- maybe the others moms have helped?

Kahil · 05/03/2019 19:42

YANBU! The mum was a massive CF! Hopefully you've taught her a valuable lesson not to ditch her kids. You 100% did the right thing.

ReaganSomerset · 05/03/2019 19:43

@Witchtower

If you read the thread, you'll see that the kids were told that mum was running late but that they were going to keep playing until someone came to collect them.

Witchtower · 05/03/2019 19:43

@HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone the kids knew OP much better then play staff. They see OP everyday. They may have mini MSM interaction but they know OP as a safe, responsible adult.

PiebaldHamster · 05/03/2019 19:44

Gees, maybe she didn't have the money to pay for an extra kid, maybe her mother has a shift job like my h where you can't just rock up whenever you please without getting disciplined, maybe that was the only booking she could get, what next, you shouldn't have had a party in that case, OP, in case some dumb twat excuse for a parent decides to abandon both her kids there?!

There you go, OP, it's all your fault, the kindness virtue signallers have spoken! You are not to have a party for the kid again unless: you have endless funds to spare for a few randoms whose parents CBAd with them (or taxis for your babysitter to get your child back to you, or no, actually, fuck that, you're not supposed to use one at all, dammit, you should bring the baby along), you have plenty of other adults on hand in case of parents who CBAd with your kids (just magic them up if you don't have any), you have to leave a long break in between the end and whatever else you need to do (I mean, fuck work and all that) in case some twat uses the party as an excuse to abandon their kids. Otherwise, your child doesn't deserve to have a party. You know, just how kind is that?

Witchtower · 05/03/2019 19:45

@ReaganSomerset thank you I’ve read the whole thread. Been reading since yesterday.
Children are intuitive, they would have picked up on staff faffing and OP leaving is would have confused them.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 05/03/2019 19:45

Oh ffs @Witchtower you're not her defence lawyer. And if the police gave her a stern talking to then that means it didn't matter what lie she might've said. She might've said she'd been abducted by aliens or saved a basket of babies cuddling kittens from the river. So fucking what? The end of it was still that in the best case scenario she forgot her kids. However staff, OP,her own kid and the missed calls would all show a completely different picture if there was any doubt.

Mamalifeee · 05/03/2019 19:45

Cannot believe the mother left the children but secondly you then left the sibling out (if you stated they could bring a sibling that would say they could join in with the party and also the party food,surely one child would not of hurt) then as a mother you left two children with the police, yes the mother was wrong but could never do that to a child I would have waited then given the mother a piece of my mind when she turned up explaining you have other children you also need to take care of but leaving them with the police sounds very extreme , I would of taken them with me and left a message for the mother if she clearly wasn’t picking up or returning phone calls/messages and ‘urgently’ needed to leave

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 19:47

Mum should have told op that she would drop and go, and would be running late, not her kids, my goodness. If that had happened to me, I would have texted the mum to tell them if she did not come and collect her kids, within half and hour, the Police would be called" What she did was highly irresponsible.

Bennyandthejetsssss · 05/03/2019 19:49

Well, I for one can’t wait for an update on the 5th birthday!

Perhaps OP may actually know the parents of the invited children by then and actually realise this shit happens, year upon year.

Maybe we’ll realise that social services did absolutely nothing as there wasn’t a problem. Mum was a CF.

But you can bet those kids won’t forget it in a hurry. I hope the parents who did stay to look after their own passed a shed load of judgement too...maybe they could’ve helped out OP with her domino aftermath? It doesn’t sound like there was anyone close by to help at all which is a number 1 rule of any kids party.

Either way, I still think it was rotten to shame the kids involved here.

PiebaldHamster · 05/03/2019 19:49

bit OP told parents siblings where welcome and I’m sure CF has a text to prove.

Welcome if they paid . . . but I'm PMSL if you think for a single second that the staff at the soft play believed this silly fuckwit of a parent at all, or the police for that matter. They see this shit every shift. There's no 'sides', the OP had a log of times she called and called this parent and got no response.

And yy to the poster who said how this would all read if the OP were a man.

Also the OP has stated repeatedly that she doesn't know these kids well, her child wanted to invite the younger one.

But continue tying yourself in knots over it. Hopefully the police got through to this silly bint.