Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

Sorry but a COMPLETE over reaction by the OP. She was a bit cheeky leaving her older child at the soft play but its common place to leave children at childrens parties unless your little one is upset at you leaving. What I find shocking is that you left her kids and the police were called. I think she was out of order but really? Who does that? Poor kids. Also it wouldn't have hurt for you to have an extra child when eating the food.

You handled it well OP. CF Mum is lucky SS aren't involved. Why would anyone think they could basically abandon their kids with near strangers without telling then??? In what world is that okay.

She knew she was in the wrong too, that's why she didn't tell the OP or answer the phone.

I can't believe you went back in to the two children and told them you were leaving. I'm genuinely bemused that you think it's standard behaviour to tell a young party guest that you're leaving them alone.

I feel sorry for your DC too. This will impact on how all the other parents interact with them and you.

@Witchtower

Well you had a different childhood to mine, but leave me with any random parent of a classmate hours after a party had ended and I'd still have felt pretty abandoned. Ultimately, they were abandoned. By their mother. And no well-meaning stranger is going to fix that. What they need is for this to never happen again and I'd say that's a damn sight more likely now than it would have been if OP hadn't acted as she did.

The best thing for kids that are being neglected or their parents can't be arsed is to bring it out in the open. Not cover up, just through hoops to make life easier for them and pretend nothing happened. Otherwise they'll never learn, and her phone call shows she hasn't this time either. It's all OP's fault apparently for being responsible enough to make sure her two kids were looked after(regardless if you agree with her methods or not) when she didn't do that in the first place.

She didn't tell OP she was leaving.
She didn't tell OP the older daughter was by herself in the soft play.
She didn't ensure OP had the means to contact her.
She didn't answer her phone.
She didn't come to pick up at the agreed time.

Even ignoring the CFery of it all, she showed no care,concern or regard towards her own kids and their well being.

I can't wrap my head around the idea that people would take a child they don't know home with them....even imagining it was possible to do it safely - which I also can't imagine.

My DH does all this kind of stuff with DD - presumably you'd all be fine with a man you didn't know from Adam taking your kids home if you were running late?

Bloody nuts.

I get the impression OP wants us all to scream ‘CF, let’s go to the stoning’, if I’m honest.

I have been in this position at my DS’s party. I also spent another taking DS’s 6 year old friend to A&E after he dropped a bowling ball on his foot.

If I was worried about two kids and their mother being missing, I wouldn’t be leaving them with strangers and calling the police to tell them their world has collapsed - which it hadn’t thankfully! Especially at my child’s party!!

What planet? It’s so bloody mean-spirited it defies belief and anyone who’d be happy to do that should imagine their own kids in that hideous scenario and question whether they’d be pleased.

You know, parents do use party time to get a break. Certainly in DS’s private school where the loaded ones think nothing of others looking after their kids.

This mother was awful doing that to her kids, and being neglectfulbut OPs solution wasn’t the best course either.

What would I have done? Fronted the mother out quietly on her return and called social services myself after telling her that’s what I was going to do.

It would have been a lot kinder on the kids and you know you would’ve followed up properly.

Why was it overreaction by the OP, it is common to leave kids, and to tell the party host, not just abandon them, then when op tries to contact not able to answer. If op took them off the premesis, it opens up a can of worms, and puts op in a vulnerable position. The party was in a soft play so the whole idea is to go after the party without any clearing up. The kids were safe with the centre staff, who called the Police. Op has her other kid to collect please be aware and cannot wait around for a mum who god knows how long she will be, and whether the kids mum had been in an accident and was lying on the floor somewhere.

never RTFT. It was the staff that refused the older child entry to the party room for food.

It is literally her word against theirs.

The staff at the play centre knew, too, in fact, they're the ones who contacted the authorities.

As for classing it an emergency, that's a great land to live in, my h's employers wouldn't consider some silly bitch dumping her kids at soft play an emergency and he would likely be disciplined for showing up late for his shift for that reason. LOTS of places of employment do not have this kind of wishy washy leeway for CFers because there are clients and/or patients relying on the service the employee provides.

Fronted the mother out quietly on her return and called social services myself after telling her that’s what I was going to do.

RTFT. The OP could not stay and she had no idea when the mother was coming back because the dumb wart wasn't picking up her phone.

benny so you'd have left you baby for an additional hour to wait an unknown amount of time looking after children to whom you are no more or less a stranger than the staff at the soft play? Oh and throw in making your mother miss her shift at work into the bargain.

Of course you wouldn't. absolute bullshit.

OP did the right thing. It would be way too risky to take 2 children home without a parents permission. What is this person accused her of kidnap? This woman (not OP) is obviously a crap parent and unstable.

How the hell are people angry with the OP?! You crazy people. All potential CFs probably!

I would never ever, by choice, leave my children somewhere and not be contactable! Certainly not with someone I don't even know very well. This slack behaviour can make her children vulnerable to crazy people. She deserved the talking to by the police!

It was the OPs child's party, why should she have to deal with all the drama AND make her mother late for work because of one terrible mother's actions? When I held a party for my son, all the mum's who left their children with me let me know, so I knew to look out for them. And since it was my DS's party, where I'm most likely to be the busiest person in the room, it makes sense for me to know what's going on and not have the added pressure of dealing with unanswered phone calls. And of course, one woman, who left her three kids with me, didn't return for her kids until 1.5 hours later. Sure, after a whole day with screaming kids, I needed that

Who does that?

Someone who has to be someplace else. And a venue that says NO extra guests going into the function room. The fact that you think this shit excuse of a parent is only 'a bit cheeky', however, says it all. She didn't give a fuck what happened to her kids, she just assumed it was everyone else's responsibility.

If I was worried about two kids and their mother being missing, I wouldn’t be leaving them with strangers and calling the police to tell them their world has collapsed

Given that the op is a virtual stranger and the police will have experts trained to look after children in distress, in that scenario they'd probably be better off if you let the police get on with it tbh.

It was the staff that refused the older child entry to the party room for food I find that very hard to believe. I have been too plenty of soft play parties. In fact I had some for my own children and would never have had that.

@ReaganSomerset regardless whether you know the parent well. They are still a familiar face. They would not have felt abandoned if OP had stayed as they would have seen it as an extension of the party. Yes the mother abandoned them, I would try and soften that with my presence. OP is not a stranger to these children, and if the eldest felt like this then they wouldn’t have felt comfortable to approach OP. CF told eldest that she was the appropriate adult.

@PieBaldHamster the play staff only knew OP side. When CF came along I’m sure she altered their perception on what had happened.

anyone who’d be happy to do that should imagine their own kids in that hideous scenario and question whether they’d be pleased.

Well I'd be happy for that to happen.
Because if it happened exactly like that, I either completely lost it,I'm dead or injured or I don't give a shit anymore in which case DD would need help.

But it never would because:
1.I rarely leave DD.
2.I do check and answer my phone.
3.I'm always on time to pick her up from anywhere.

1. I wouldn't fucking ignore my kid being left for an hour to get my hair done!

She knew she was late, she knew her kids were alone, she ignored phone calls. Her hair was more important. That's fucked up.
This is not OP's fault. Their own parent left them and didn't even bother to pick up on time because she was having her hair done.

Priorities..eh?

The child didn't have to have the food served. To pacify the child, I would have had them sit in there and I would have paid for some food separately.

She didn't give a fuck what happened to her kids, she just assumed it was everyone else's responsibility.

True, but at the end of the day, its hardly her kids fault is it? Why should they suffer for their rubbish parent?

Really can't fathom how supposed grown adults on this thread think it would be better for two neglected kids, happily playing at a soft play, to be scooped up by a stranger, put in a car without proper seats, and taken to a strange house, all so their mother's neglect could be hidden from the authorities.

As it was they stayed playing, the authorities had the behaviour flagged up, and their useless mother will in future be a damn sight more careful... one hopes.

OP I think you were completely sensible. You didn't just abandon them, you advised soft play staff and let their procedures swing in. And you allowed an hour to collect with your Mum, which is ample. You had no way to know how long to stay, the kids didn't know you so your presence would have made no difference to them, and they were safe and cared for suitably there in a way that ensured the incident was noted down.

Really can't see how twee sentimental suggestions here would have improved anything for those children at all. And they could have been the underlying reason why the mother felt safe doing this to them - in the past, it was met by other women filling the gaps.

Good for you OP!

Maybe if we all didn't pander to CF'ers there'd be less of them in life.

YADNBU

To pacify the child, I would have had them sit in there and I would have paid for some food separately.

Great so now everyone is expected to have to pay for random peoples children to eat.

I would never ever do what CF mum had done, if I wanted to drop and go, I would inform the party mum that I would do, give them my number and tell them what time I will return to collect. What if there was a fire on incident at the soft play. I would have my phone on me and check to see if I was being contacted, that is what normal parents do is it not, not just abandon them.