Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

They’ll never forget that shame will they? Being left behind by mum, police being called.

Tbh the younger one is unlikely to remember anything and the older one was probably more embarrassed by being left at a party full of four year olds.

The thing is, the short term kindness of staying with the kids to prevent police involvement causes long term hurt if neglect is not flagged up. Calling the police is definitely the lesser of the two evils.

You did rhe right thing OP.

Because she won't do it again or at least think twice/put something in place next time.

A lot of things could've happened ..to her or to her children. She put her hair above the safety of her children and couldn't be arsed to even answer her phone. What if you were ringing because one of the kids was hurt or had an allergic reaction?

She knew you had them and didn't want to answer in case you would cyt her appt short. Let's hope her priorities change after this.

Bennyandthejets how is op judgy and superior then! Please enlighten me. The mother abandoned her kids with op without a word, and op had to leave them at the centre as she had to collect her own kid. The mother did not pick up the phone when op tried to call, and had the gall to have a go at op because the Police quite rightly pulled her up on her CF behaviour. The mother wasen't sick or in trouble, she was late because she was having her hair done. I bloody would have judged that!

It's very hard to say wwwd because it's not a scenario we'd expect to be in. I would be totally thrown if I'd been the op and might have consulted with the staff, too

If you have a party inviting other people’s kids then show them some kindness!

But she didn't. She had a party inviting one child. She knew nothing about the older one at all. The older one who could have wandered off with a stranger, run into the road or gone home with dodgy uncle Dave. And no one would have known to put the alert out.

Do you not think neglectful parenting needs reporting for the sake of the kids? How does enabling such appalling behaviour help the kids? It just leaves them vulnerable to worse in the future.

Maybe you prioritise your own virtue signalling though, who knows.

I cannot believe you are getting all these negative comments. You are DNBU. If you had taken an uninvited child into the party area and fed her, you would have been opening yourself up to being liable if she hurt herself or had a food allergy. You were not 'shaming' the parent. The parent shamed themselves. You did the responsible thing in the circumstances. If you had put those kids in the car and taken them with you, you could have been accused of taking them without permission. You behaved exactly correctly, and provided a party for the children who were invited. If the mother had told you she was off to get her hair done, and was leaving her child with you, that would have been cheeky, but in that case you should probably have brought the older child in to join in - despite it being thoroughly inappropriate - in order not to shame her. But you didn't know the child, didn't know the parent, and left her in the (presumably) secure area in which the mother left her. I don't think some of the posters here are really thinking the situation through. Your responsibility is to look after your own children and the invited children. Not to open yourself up to possible accusations of all sorts.

What happened if @Dumbodog took them home and their mum turned up and wondered where the kids were? She could of called the police saying they'd been taken!!

@Dumbodog - I doubt you had the spare car seated to transport the kids safely. What if you were pulled over or had an accident with them in the car without the correct seats?!

I think you did the right thing. Very bad parenting from the other mum!

And and telling her kid to go to op if they need anything, instead of having the decency to talk to op and arrange something, sorry this mum was one hell of a CF! Op had to collect her kid from mum, as mum has to go to work, the rammifications of mum being late might have been bad for op mum you don't know.

YANBU this is awful behaviour from the children's mother. Why would anyone assume that they were OK to leave the children at a party without asking someone to watch them. I think you were put in a very tricky situation. I think you did the right thing calling the police whatelse were you supposed to do. You couldn't take them with you as the staff knew you didn't have permission to take them and you couldn't just leave them there so in the circumstances you were between a rock and a hard place. I hope this has given her a kick up the backside and she doesnt do something like this again. Also, if you hadn't done this and more was going on would it ever get noticed, who knows?

Op did the right thing, leaving them with staff at the place where mum abandoned left them, staff then followed their own procedures regarding left children, which is what they were. Op did what she could in the circumstances she had.

@ReaganSomerset & @HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone

This is not a point to prove to the CF mother. It’s about the children’s needs.
From experience it would have been more effective to mention this to the nursery to raise a safeguarding concern. Rather than the police. Who says CF mum didn’t paint OP as a terrible parent. It’s both their words against each other. At least the nursery can begin to build evidence. The nursery may already be aware of concerns.

This is not about the CF mum it’s about the kids. Honestly, I can’t efen begin to discuss the CF mum, my post would prob be withdrawn by MN.

Also I would class this as an emergency m. If I was told that the police being involved is a possibility then I regard that as an emergency.

Who says CF mum didn’t paint OP as a terrible parent. It’s both their words against each other.

Well there was only one set of kids that was dumped by their mother and they weren't the OP's. Plus I bet the police would've been even sterner if she said OP was an awful parent and she still left her own kids with her,for hours,witjout telling anyone.

Howwill I do not feel the need to swear or tell you what to do.

You can hypothetically rush in and take the DCs and at the same time hypothetically not do that, this is just a chat room. The DCs in this case are fine thanks to OP.

You can choose to watch whatever TV you like or post whatever you like. I'm free to agree or disagree.

You think one way and I think the other. I'm with the OP and the majority on here. Hope DCs ok now CF knows police involved.

@FrancisCrawford in my eyes these children were in jeopardy and they would have been my priority at that time.

This is not a point to prove to the CF mother. It’s about the children’s needs.

And, had the op stayed, how would their needs have been better met? Bearing in mind that the op has no connection to the children and is a total stranger to the older one?

She was a cf and very wrong. However you were wrong too. Two wrongs don’t make a right. I had to wait for a child to be picked up for at least half an hour once. Different situation as the parents were separated but I had no clue the dad was running late.

She was a cf for not telling you and taking the opportunity to get her hair done! However her child was invited to your daughter’s party and yes at 4/5 I have seen parents leave. You should have stayed with the children even if it was inconvenient, and told her you almost called the police. Even if I hated the parent I would still do this. They could be in nursery and school together a long time. I really care about the children at school with my children and if any of them were in trouble I would help them even if it was the parent’s fault. You didn’t know if she was having mental issues, had got run over, was having a miscarriage, was ill, or even if someone else was meant to pick them up and there was a problem. You really should have stayed even if the police came and I don’t think it was the best thing to do getting them involved.
The only thing I would say is now, you can’t change what you did, and it is ultimately on her, she should feel extremely bad for putting you in that situation. She is hopefully unlikely to do it again.

@YourSarcasmIsDripping CF mum prob put all the blame onto OP.
Imagine the conversation? ‘I can’t believe she left my children, she told me tinfrop off and return at this time’ etc. It is literally her word against theirs.

What I don’t get is why OP organised the party with so little headroom between it finishing and needing to collect her 6mo. It seems to have got to finishing time and straight off she goes. Whenever I’ve been to or organised parties the hosting parent has always been the last to leave - tidying up or collecting cake and presents or paying for sundries and saying goodbye to stragglers. I always assume it’s going to take me a good while to get out, as the organiser.

It sounds a little bit to me like OP got cross about the older kid being left without asking, and was determined to shoot off on the dot to make a point.

She's obviously taking the mickey but I would've either waited there for her with the kids or taken them home!

@ReaganSomerset the 4yo is very aware that OP is a mother to her classmate therefore a safe, friendly, familiar adult.
There needs would have been meet as they would not have felt abandoned.

@Chocmallows You think one way and I think the other

But you feel for my thoughts you can call me PA, judge and lie about what I've said....... go figure!

You might not feel the need to swear, I'm a grown up and will swear if I want!

Anyway I'm ignoring you now, your belligerent, ignorant and can't admit your wrong! Enjoy your life of self righteousness!

To end, it looks like a few thinking OP is wrong coming out of woodwork...how fucking dare they!

Also to all PP mentioning that the authorities have been made aware. This is not the case at all. SS have not been contacted, probably due to the CF explanation and probably passing quite a bit of the blame to OP.

Op left them quite rightly with staff of the centre, not on their own, who followed protocol for left children which was calling the Police. The children were safe, op made sure that they were by leaving them with the centre staff, not on their own, or with a strange unknown person.