Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

I feel quite strongly that you shouldn’t traumatise or make kids feel bad if their parents are a bit crap! It shamed them.

Don’t have parties and give an open invitation if you can’t cope with this sort of parent. They are everywhere and are usually serial offenders.

I’d have loved to have left mine at parties as I find other parents generally tedious when kids are that young. Of course, I endured the misery like a martyr week in, week out.

I’m not sure why when you turned your back on some kids and may well have made the situation for them a lot worse.

Made the situation worse? Their mother considers it acceptable to abandon them without informing anyone she is leaving for no other reason than to get her hair done.

If anything the Op has ensured relevant authorities have a clearer picture on the neglect they are facing and this will hopefully lead to them living in a better situation.

"but their mum should have had the decency to return my calls at least."

Absolutely.

I'm with you on this, she should have asked if it was ok to go & to call if there was a problem. She didn't she technically just left her kids without making sure they would be looked after for what sounds like a long time if the party ended. She was not responsible & would likely so it again. She only had to check with you on timings and if it was ok to leave. You wouldn't take them to soft play in the week & leave and hope the staff watched them. I think the speech from police was a good thing to safeguard the kids ongoing, if it happens again and police are notified social will be notified. It was a difficult one to make a decision on and you tried phoning her. This one is on her.

@Chocmallows I do not take on DCs and judge mothers! I've never been in this situation so never actually experienced it. As for you judging me for judging the CF mother with all the judging you've dove, that's fucking hilarious!

Thank you @ChaChaChaChaCha9, I do feel very "attacked", pissed off at being called PA and judgey when the person saying it is also judging.

@Bennyandthejetsssss

How has OP made the situation worse?

It's just polite to tell the birthday child's mum if you are leaving them at the party, even at any age! Personally I think 4 is far far too young to be left at a party. She's is 100% a CF.

Also @Bennyandthejetsssss have you read all of the Op's updates?

Children over 3yo can travel in a car without a car seat if it's over a short distance and an unexpected journey

Not directly relevant here, because I wouldn't have taken them with me in the OP's situation, but in case useful for others in a difficult situation

@HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone i would have apologised to my mother, explained the situation and hoped she’d understand. I also hope her mother’s work would be understanding. I would class it as an emergency.

I don’t see it as condoning the CF mothers behaviour. I see it as caring for these children who have been put into a shit situation.

Wow! Can't believe you're getting a hard time over this! You were having a party for your DS, not providing a babysitting service for random children! At the very least, the mother should have told you that she was leaving her other child there, unsupervised, with a contact number should it be needed.

I would have done the same.

Howwill you said
Yep, you want to be that mother, I will! I'll judge you forever, but I will do what I think is best for your children.

Then
I do not take on DCs and judge mothers!

I don’t see it as condoning the CF mothers behaviour. I see it as caring for these children who have been put into a shit situation.

And enabling said shit situation to happen again and again until someone has the balls to report it. The kids were fine. This time. They may not be so lucky in future if CF mum makes a habit of it.

Surely it’s about being good to kids who have shit parents?

They’ll never forget that shame will they? Being left behind by mum, police being called.

Half the Daily Mail brigade baying for mother’s blood.

One of the kids was already upset. If you have a party inviting other people’s kids then show them some kindness!

Rotten scenario. The kids were at your event! You have to take some responsibility when hosting other peope’s Kids - when this crap happens you adapt with kindness and not expect everyone will have your impeccable, flawless standards....

I love there are people here saying it’s part of the bigger picture, social services now know how dreadful she is. She was thoughtless yes, selfish yes. But it’s not the kids fault is it?

Hope you’re all happy that those poor little souls had a shit time and you’re now all sat wagging the finger!

i would have apologised to my mother, explained the situation and hoped she’d understand. I also hope her mother’s work would be understanding. I would class it as an emergency.

But it wasn't an emergency. The OP could do nothing more and I hardly doubt work would accept this as an acceptable excuse to be late for her job. The children could be left safely and there was no need for the CF to inconvenience anyone else further.

I see it as caring for these children who have been put into a shit situation.

By allowing her behaviour to go unchallenged your actually leaving them in an even shittier situation.

@Chocmallows it was hypothetical what I said, iF I was in that situation! Can you leave me alone, you're unpleasant, name calling me and of all the people singling me out.

If CF did that to me o would judge her, like you are!

You're not very nice, which is being picked up by others.

Go watch TV, stop trying to bully me and stop making assumptions up about me!

Go judge someone else!

I’m with all the posters saying YWNBU. Although, I don’t think I would have been able to leave a crying child outside the party room - I’d have investigated if there was another parent around who could sit with her.

BUT all this hand-wringing about the ‘poor children’ being left, well actually I think the actions of the Mum were so unbelievably cruel and heartless, I think it’s right the authorities got involved, for the children’s well-being.

I am gobsmacked she thought that everything would be OK without even phoning to check when the party had finished. It appears she doesn’t care much about them. She may have a hard life that we don’t know about, but you don’t not communicate with people about such fundamental things.

Don’t have parties and give an open invitation if you can’t cope with this sort of parent. They are everywhere and are usually serial offenders

So no one should ever allow siblings to attend a public soft play when they are having a party? How would that work? Does the party host have to also tie down the parents so stop then leaving the premises?

That's just daft

I cant believe people are cursing op for this. At the end of the day this parent left her children unattended at a party and didnt tell anyone . Op tried calling for over an hour and didnt get a response how was she supposed to know when mother was returning if she was . Calling the police was exactly the right thing to do . Op also recieved a call from the mother an hour later so we dont know how long op wouldve had to wait. Her mother had work can you imagine explaining that to a boss or clients maybe she had a potential big meeting. Sorry someone from my daughters party didnt pick her kids up on time.... yeah alright then. As a mother I wouldnt leave my child alone at a party especially at 4 years old and even more so not be contactable if I did. This mother needed a reality check. She didnt think about her children at all and if someone is capable of doing something like this you have no idea what else she may have done in the past or willdo in the future as previous posters have said. And if it was a simple one of mistake then maybe shell make sure it doesnt happen again lesson learnt . Dont blame op for others bad parenting. She didnt leave yhe children outside unattended on their own in the cold. She left them playing in a play centre supervised by other adults who apparently knew the children possibly as much as she did

No, I'm very sad that these children were so appallingly let down by their mother that what should have been a happy event, to which one of them had been generously invited by the OP, was tainted by the way their mother so recklessly and negligently abdicated her basic responsibilities to ensure her children were sufficiently supervised and cared for, at all times.

@Bennyandthejetsssss well bloody said!! Wait for @Chocmallows to start on you now....she who fucking must be agreed with!!!

@Benny can you read? The OP has said numerous times that at the point of her leaving the children were playing and were completely un aware of any unfolding drama. Also why so much judgement against the OP? What about the children’s own mother who left without a trace to get her hair done?? Why no judgment against her? I’ve been to many kids parties and would NEVER expect the host to have responsibility of MY children! What a load of nonsense. How can one person be expected to hold responsibility for that many children at once.

Report to ss. Shocked

@Lelly0503 according to @Chocmallows I'm wrong to judge CF mother....jeez just can't win!