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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

999 replies

Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 19:01

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up Grin

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 17:54

It was not op, that the Police were upset to, it was CF mother, as they are her children and she just left them like that. You never know, this might be the piece in a very big jigsaw within the family.

MissEliza · 05/03/2019 17:55

As said before people like that rely on people not standing up to them so good for you.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/03/2019 17:59

I personally wouldn’t have left the children...Regardless of the inconvenience caused to me. I could not rest knowing I’d left those children behind.

See lots of people have said this but if the OP had followed this advice she would be making her mother late for work. What happens then if because of this her mother faces disciplinary action for lateness?

She would also be condoning the behaviour of the children's mother. What happens when in 6 months time when the children are left in an even more dangerous situation E.g. a swimming pool and something terrible happens. The OP could stop this behaviour by being part of the children's jigsaw of neglect, without her reporting them she could be the missing piece that leads to them facing more harm.

Earthakitty · 05/03/2019 18:00

Good God.
Bring back the days where you had half a dozen friends round to your house for a few party games and a lovely birthday tea.
This nonsense has all come about from over indulging kids and is getting worse.

Chocmallows · 05/03/2019 18:01

Howwill I am not saying you said it (dumped DCs) the reverse I said that I had said it. I'm not sure why you keep asking me about a point I made and not you.

My point started when you said you are a mum that takes on DCs and judges the parents. I think OP was right instead.

Hippiechick162 · 05/03/2019 18:03

Nope op you're definitelyNBU! I wonder how many other people would waltz off having their hair done. If anyone is Batshit it's the CF. Neither of the children knew op other than through nursery. As a teacher, I know schools only wait an hour after a child has not been collected and emergency numbers have been called before social services are called and these adults have the children everyday so they are familiar with the children. OP didn't know them at all really. Not to mention they have their own family to take care of which CF clearly wasn't

Reallyevilmuffin · 05/03/2019 18:03

You have some massive balls OP. Well done. I don't know if I could have done that but I bet she won't be being a CF like that again for a while!!!

jade19 · 05/03/2019 18:06

YANBU! If you had taken the kids home with you the police wiuld have been called on you for taking them without her consent.
If she was going to leave them she should have told you and she should have made sure she was back by the end of the party!

Tinkerbell1980 · 05/03/2019 18:09

If you'd taken the kids home with you and she'd shown up later looking for her kids, the play centre would have called the police on you OP, she doesn't have your address by the sound of it!

Loolol64 · 05/03/2019 18:09

Wow! One of the things I learned very quickly when DD was little was you don't just drop and go. It's good manners to check and, on the whole, while the children are still very young you stay but as they get a little older you can ask whether you are needed to stick around. This woman was totally in the wrong! Surely she would know that you simply do not do that.

NunoGoncalves · 05/03/2019 18:10

I'm with you OP. She left them without telling you. She didn't answer her phone to repeated calls. She didn't show up at the prearranged end-of-party time. WTF else are you supposed to do? Those were all her decisions which led to the resulting situation.

grumiosmum · 05/03/2019 18:10

Has this been in the papers yet?

Sheffmum1 · 05/03/2019 18:12

why on earth was she (and are people on this post) saying you take her kids home! You did the right thing, she sounds like a complete chav who can’t look after her kids!!

PiebaldHamster · 05/03/2019 18:12

This parent is even beyond CF, she's neglectful.

And there are plenty of jobs where you can get into serious trouble if you are late barring real emergencies. My h, for example, drives a bus, he has to be on time for his job or there's a lot of consequences for others.

The not answering the phone thing is a bit of a red flag. Who does that?! I'm amazed at how lax she was.

Oh, there have dozens over the years, people who ditch the kid for a playdate and turn off their phones and don't show up until the next day, there was one recently where a 'cousin' had died and the couple ditched their two kids with the OP for 4 days straight and tried to leave 'em for more, all sorts.

Some people truly CBA'd with their own kids.

ToftyAC · 05/03/2019 18:14

OP I don’t think you did anything wrong, you’re not BU and the CF silly cow won’t be so laissez fairs in future. Her kids, her responsibility. Why should your mum have to be late for work because some CF just dumped her kids without a bloody word?

Uptheapplesandpears · 05/03/2019 18:16

Bring back the days where you had half a dozen friends round to your house for a few party games and a lovely birthday tea.
This nonsense has all come about from over indulging kids and is getting worse

Nah, I well remember a similar story from a party like the one you describe in 1991. So pre mobiles. It was a friend of my mum's who'd been left for hours with a child while the parent was uncontactable, before rocking up hours later like nothing had happened, and my mother was gossiping and bitching about it for days. This nonsense has come about from cheeky fucker parents, and they aren't a new invention.

RestingBitchFaced · 05/03/2019 18:18

I'm glad they called the police OP, that CF needed teaching a lesson. Can't believe she actually had a go at you over the phone! You did nothing wrong

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 05/03/2019 18:21

It is normal to leave children at a party....after age 5/6 depending on location. 4 is a bit young IMO.
But...the issue isn’t so much about leaving the children. It’s about not not picking them up on time

elmos31983 · 05/03/2019 18:21

She never should have left her children without asking end if she got herself and her children into that situation you are not at fault

niceneen · 05/03/2019 18:23

Also... the Mum seemed more concerned about being “shown up” rather than the possibility her kids were traumatised. It’s ridiculous that she left her kids without a word to the host. Bad manners and she deserved to be shown up. I hope the OP explained very carefully to the two little girls that they were allowed free play until their mummy got back so that they were not freaked out.

mbosnz · 05/03/2019 18:23

I had the birthday party at home as per earthakitty. Hard line pick up reiterated at drop off of 3.30pm. Parents didn't pick up until 9.00pm. Didn't answer phone or respond to texts.

Had the soft play equivalents where parents turned up and dropped off the invited children - plus another three, without notice. Luckily I had sufficient numbers in hand. Guess which kids kicked off when they didn't get loot bags? Guess which parents I was left waiting for, half an hour later after having seen the last other child off?

I was lucky - I could do that. I didn't have a six month old I had to get back to. I didn't have a Mum who had very kindly babysat my six month old, who had to get to work.

Soft play areas generally have very strict limitations on numbers allowed, because of fire codes and safe maximums. OP had to look after her child, she had to host the party for the other children, and wrangle everyone. She did her best, she is only one person.

I definitely wouldn't take the children home with no safe car seats, not knowing where the mother is, or just how batshit crazy she might be.

Her first and foremost duty of care is to her children. She did not abandon these children who (one of) had been invited to attend a party, she left them in the place in which the mother had left them, with people who were aware of the situation, had assumed the duty of care, having ensured what would happen, and that the children were not just safe, but relatively content.

Some of us might have the luxury of more time, or more people to call on in such a situation, or more money. She did her best with what she had to work with, and her best was good enough.

NunoGoncalves · 05/03/2019 18:23

But...the issue isn’t so much about leaving the children. It’s about not not picking them up on time

And about not even mentioning to the OP that she was leaving.
And about not answering her phone.

Bennyandthejetsssss · 05/03/2019 18:26

You sound really judgy and superior OP.

I’m not sure why when you turned your back on some kids and may well have made the situation for them a lot worse.

Helenisat29 · 05/03/2019 18:29

What have the other mums had to say? It must have been a hot topic at the (nursery) school gates!

bubblegumunicorn · 05/03/2019 18:31

There are a few reasons why OP is dnbu

  1. she had to get to her baby! That’s important!
  1. She didn’t know she was looking after the children!
  1. Who has three extra car seats or room for them for that matter in there car

And

  1. The oldest child wasn’t invited so actually wasn’t the OPs responsibility even if the other two were technically in her care.

So CF at least abandoned one child there which ever way you look at it!

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