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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

999 replies

Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 19:01

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up Grin

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

OP posts:
howwillwedeal · 05/03/2019 17:14

@Chocmallows I'm not being PA, I'd be telling the CF to her face! But I still would've fed the child and tried to avoid police involvement for the DCs.

howwillwedeal · 05/03/2019 17:17

@Chocmallows cross post with yours! But please can you point out the post when I said OP had dumped the kids.... you can't do it didn't happen!

OP comes on here and asks AIBU, I put what I think and say what I would've done. So you call me judgy, PA and all manner of other things! You get personal, why come on AIBU of you don't want to hear someone else's point of view?

Stop name calling me, just accept that I've got a different point of view?

You know as is what happens in AIBU?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/03/2019 17:19

I'd be telling the CF to her face!

Do you really think she would care though? In my experience unless something drastic happens like contacting the police CF's just brush it off and continue doing what the heck they like.

howwillwedeal · 05/03/2019 17:24

@HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone maybe she wouldn't, probably not, but I'm just saying what I would've done.

Maybe OP did do the right thing in the long run, but I would've just thought of a short term solution and avoided having anymore to do with CF. She'd shown her true colours and I'd give a wide berth!

It's pointless having AIBU if posters like @Chocmallows start calling people PA or accusing them of saying things they just haven't said. People are entitled to an opinion even if it's not the same as everyone's.

Chocmallows · 05/03/2019 17:26

Howwill I understand AIBU.

I have an opinion that you are BU.

howwillwedeal · 05/03/2019 17:27

@Chocmallows why? For having an opinion different to yours?

I think YABU because you won't show me where I said OP dumped the kids.........

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 17:28

It is good that the Police were called and CF mother was shamed, how many times has she done this, and people have been too nice and sucked it up. Op did the right thing, centre staff were in loco parentis as kids have to be signed in soft play parties by a parent. CF mother abandoned them.

Op did not vouch for CF to abandon her kids, and she had her own stuff going on, and had to collect her baby as her mum had to be at work by a certain time. If op had taken them home, she might not have room in her car or adequate car seats for those kids.

I think CF got a scare and reacted defensively as a CF would, but deep down she knows that she was wrong.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 17:30

A decent parent would not have done this, and minimum would have their phone to hand in case op called, and had the decency to contact op and tell them she would be late and what time. Blame is all on CF mother.

LoisWilkerson1 · 05/03/2019 17:31

Let's hope she does Aero. I expect she's probably the type that is never in the wrong though.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 17:32

I hope the Police was a wake up call, sometimes they need drastic action like this.

Rockybooboo · 05/03/2019 17:32

You did the right thing OP. Have you heard from the CF mum again or have any other parents said anything?

Chocmallows · 05/03/2019 17:33

Howwill I have given my opinion as have you.

I said OP did not dump the kids and she made sure they were ok. I also said CF dumped them.

I disagree with your point on taking on other people's DCs when I think authorities are better placed to do this.

LoisWilkerson1 · 05/03/2019 17:34

The not answering the phone thing is a bit of a red flag. Who does that?! I'm amazed at how lax she was. I bet if she'd just asked someone to watch her kids, they would have.

howwillwedeal · 05/03/2019 17:39

@Chocmallows are you hard of understanding? I never said OP dumped the kids!!!

And give your opinion but stop calling me names!

ChaChaChaChaCha9 · 05/03/2019 17:39

Long thread here!

I think that the woman was obviously a CF..... I probably would've text a "I am leaving the children at front desk in 10 mins, they will call the police" and see if that raised a response. Maybe it wouldn't but I suppose I would feel the onus was on her to speak to OH, mum, friend to collect immediately. The outcome may well have been the same whatever, but I still would've done that

I do find the outrage that some people express on here because they won't accept another point of view quite outstanding. Chocmallows, I think that you need to understand that not everyone will think the same as you. You really have been rather unpleasant.

Aeroflot, I think it may be the wake up call that the CF needed, very very embarrassing.

cstaff · 05/03/2019 17:41

I say fair play to you OP. Hopefully the CF will think twice about it the next time she wants to have a hair cut or whatever.

Also, if it is a small town that you live in then hopefully word will get around about her behaviour because there is no question she was being a complete CF.

BTW I can't believe the amount of grief you are getting on here. The only person in the wrong is the mother who abandoned her own kids to get her bloody hair done.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 17:45

ChaChacha very good idea, a text along the lines of " I have tried to contact you a number of times but no answer, I have to go and collect my baby as my mum has to go to work, the kids are at the front desk. YOu left the kids without agreeing anything with me" and then leave, the ball is in her court.

Fabaunt · 05/03/2019 17:46

OP you didn’t do anything wrong. You extended the invitation to the child that was friends with your daughter, you at no point accepted responsibility for the elder child. You had a duty of care to the child invited between the specified times. You did not agree to babysit a strangers children on your child’s birthday.

CFs rely on people NOT standing up and leaving them to deal with the consequences to get what they want. She clearly ignored your attempts at contact because she knew she was out of line.

You had your own life to get back to and under no circumstances should you have taken a strangers children out of the place their mother left them without permission.

You do not inconvenience yourself, your mother, or your children because someone wants a fancy blowdry.

Well done. I for one think you handled it perfectly.

Tinkerbell1980 · 05/03/2019 17:49

If she had returned your call or messaged you to say she would be late for pick up, then you could have explained that you couldn't wait and were leaving the kids with the staff. Anything could have happened to them and she wasn't picking up her phone. She can't expect you to look after her youngest after party pick up time, or the older child at all, as she didn't even have the decency to let you know she was going!! YANBU!

Dilligaf81 · 05/03/2019 17:50

I'm a bit flabbergasted with the replies telling the op sbu for not staying late thereby leaving her baby longer than necessary and who knows maybe her mum has somewhere to be as well. The mother is smiley responsible for this situation and could have answered her phone to say she would be back.
Personally I wouldn't have left these kiddies on their own but what else could she do? Taking 2 kids to her home without knowing the mum opens her to all sorts of issues/problems.
Op the mother is at shit, who gets their hair done whilst one child is at a party and the other is effectively abandoned at soft play??

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 17:51

Totally Fabaunt I wholeheartely agree with you every word. The staff were happy to keep the kids, and call the Police, which was the correct call, as that is the place that mum left them. I am sure they have safeguarding proceedures in place for situations such as this. What if mum had an accident or fainted, it would go through the correct channels, op would probably give the staff mums telephone number, so that if Police need to trace her they could. Totally irresponsible of the CF mother.

Witchtower · 05/03/2019 17:51

@dumbodog it actually makes a huge difference. Minute details changed my perspective on the whole thing. I had more sympathy towards you when reading the ‘minute details.’ The fact you waited 30 mins till after the party. The fact that you told the children you were leaving, explained to them and they were happy. They are very important details which you originally left out.

I personally wouldn’t have left the children.
I’d feel responsible. Regardless of the inconvenience caused to me. I could not rest knowing I’d left those children behind.

AFOLNerd · 05/03/2019 17:52

I would have done the same as you op.

Similar situation, I worked at an early learning centre for 13 years.
At least once a month we would find a child alone playing in the store, “mums gone shopping” sometimes as young as 5 or 6,
I phoned the police every single time and the police would be there waiting for the parent when they got back and give them a bollocking.
Because it’s not ok to just bugger off and hope that someone else will look after your child.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 17:52

Yes Dilligaf op needed to collect her baby from her mother who had to go to work so op could not wait.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 17:53

If op could have waited, how long for, I would have given it another half hour than called 999 myself.

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