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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

999 replies

Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 19:01

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up Grin

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

OP posts:
howwillwedeal · 05/03/2019 13:28

I'm glad to know everyone will happily look after, feed, pay for and ferry about unaccompanied children at the drop of a hat! I'll bring mine over to your house later on. Make sure they've been washed by the time I come to pick them up.

Yep, you want to be that mother, I will! I'll judge you forever, but I will do what I think is best for your children.

So do you only not do that because you think people may inform the police or because you take your child's welfare seriously?

ReaganSomerset · 05/03/2019 13:40

@howwillwedeal

Do you really think it's in the children's best interests to keep being abandoned by their mother in strange places with virtual strangers? Which is going to cause more damage, do you think? Having the police come and tell your mum off once or being regularly abandoned to the mercy of randomers?

howwillwedeal · 05/03/2019 13:40

Maybe the OP should turn her home into a free crèche for anyone that can't be fucked to look after their own kids.

I do love a mumsnet drama raising, one parent, one time, one off! But yeah OP will become known as a soft touch and everyone will do it....

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 13:40

The mum was extremely rude and cheeky. She should have asked you first, and given a number to call. Four is very young to be left, and with a younger sibiling, I would not be inviting them again because of the cheeky mum or be stipulating that she is to let me know and be back by X time or the Police will be called.

I would have let both come into the party room to get food.

GiantButtonsAreMyFave · 05/03/2019 13:42

I’ve been to quite a few soft play parties now (my eldest has just turned 3), even when we went to the party of a 7 year old, all parents stayed. I couldn’t imagine just walking off and assuming it was ok, particularly if one of my children wasn’t even a party guest. We often pay for our younger child to go into the soft play bit, I can confirm if you have paid for 15 children only 15 party places are set, extra children can’t just tag along into the party/food part.

Given the circumstances that you needed to collect your other child so your mum could get to work I’d have felt very bad but I’d have probably done the same. You could have been waiting another hour for her to appear. Hopefully she learned an important lesson, not to abandon her children at the play centre without prior arrangements being made.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 13:46

Good I am glad the Police gave her a stern talking to, she needed that, good on you for calling the Police. You had no idea when she would be back, she could have been another couple of hours, it was not agreed with you first before she buggered off. You did the right thing.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 13:47

OP that mother has a bigger front than Buckingham Palace.

CornishMaid1 · 05/03/2019 13:56

The eldest child wasn't invited to the party. The CF mother took her eldest child to soft play and abandoned him/her regardless of a party going on.

Of course the police should have been called when she did not answer her phone for an hour and did not turn up.

Surely any parent would (if they left - after asking if it was okay to leave their child with another adult) turn up on time or early for the end time of the party. If they were held up/stuck in traffic/running late they would have called or messaged to say what was happening.

This parent abandoned the eldest child without a second thought to get her hair done. She damn well deserves to get a talking to and more for being such a neglectful CF.

Chocmallows · 05/03/2019 15:46

Howwell this sounds very passive aggressive and controlling I will! I'll judge you forever, but I will do what I think is best for your children.

It is not up to you to judge and take on other people's abandoned DCs, The appropriate authorities were contacted.

lisamac28 · 05/03/2019 15:54

Some Mumsnet posters can be so contrary at times.

OP if you had stayed until the Mum arrived back and posted about it...the posters giving you a hard time would no doubt be telling you what a mug you were and how they'd have left and told the softplay staff about it and let them deal with it. YANBU.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 16:00

Those criticising the op, how is op going to get 4 car seats in the back of her car, she cannot take those children home, and she had to be somewhere. They were not left on their own, they were left with staff at the play centre. The only one in the wrong here, was the kids mum, who did not arrange with op, and buggered off to have her hair done, not answering her phone. Hopefully next time she will think twice before playing that stunt again!

Chocmallows · 05/03/2019 16:04

Lisa I was wondering how many just post just to be judgmental and contrary - the OP has been judged by some to pieces. All she did was arrange a party and make sure children were fine.

Sad thing is that the abandoned DCs are probably so used to playing second priority over mum's hair etc. Hopefully at least embarrassment will now make her put them first next time.

LoisWilkerson1 · 05/03/2019 16:05

Oh op. If it was me, I would have stood there patting the wee kid on the head like a lemon and dithering about, probably missing my own kid enjoying their party. I'm a cheeky fucker feederBlush so while I wouldnt have left the kids there I think ywnbu at all. She was totally out of order not telling you where she was .

howwillwedeal · 05/03/2019 16:14

@Chocmallows that's hilarious, no one is judging the CF here then.....

Angelicinnocent · 05/03/2019 16:25

Of course people are judging CF mother. Anybody who doesn't is probably a CF themselves.

Chocmallows · 05/03/2019 16:27

Howwill

OP did not dump the kids and she made sure they were ok.

CF dumped them. Yes I judge CF actions, but I'm not going to agree that another parent takes her kids in a controlling "I know what's best role" - social workers and police make those judgments. OP is not a social worker.

howwillwedeal · 05/03/2019 16:48

Sorry @Chocmallows could you point me where I said she dumped the kids? I don't recall saying that.

howwillwedeal · 05/03/2019 16:50

@Chocmallows I'm hardly "taking the kids" on by saying I would've let them in the party room and also tried to avoid the police being called...are you always prove to huge leaps and exaggeration?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/03/2019 16:56

by saying I would've let them in the party room

Not your decision I'm afraid. Some places might make exceptions but the vast majority of soft play venues do not allow extra guests in the party room no matter how much you ask or berate them.

and also tried to avoid the police being called

So what would cause you to get in touch with the relevant authorities? If you didn't want the police called because 2 children had been left without anyone's knowledge at a public place what does a parent have to do to quantify getting the police involved?

Goldmandra · 05/03/2019 16:58

If the children were signed into the soft-play centre on arrival by their parent, the centre staff were in loco-parentis.

If they weren't signed in by a parent, nobody was in loco parentis for the older child at least.

That's why it would be totally inappropriate for the OP to remove the children from the centre and why it was appropriate for the centre staff to call the police, in lie with their own policy.

For those who keep missing this point, the OP was no more familiar to these children than the centre staff when she left them and the children were happily playing in the soft play, oblivious to consternation being caused by the non-appearance of their mother. The OP did not cause or contribute to any distress by, quite rightly, leaving the children in the care of the centre staff.

Dimsumlosesum · 05/03/2019 17:00

I wouldn't have driven a kid home if I didn't have a spare car seat. Safer just to leave them there.

Chocmallows · 05/03/2019 17:02

Howwill you said I will! I'll judge you forever, but I will do what I think is best for your children so you will take additional DCs on and decide not authorities?

Chocmallows · 05/03/2019 17:03

are you always prove to huge leaps and exaggeration?
No, but I'm great at spotting passive-aggression.

howwillwedeal · 05/03/2019 17:09

@Chocmallows you said I'd said that OP had dumped the kids?? Where did I say that?

Yes I would judge a mother who did what CF did, who bloody wouldn't! You certainly seem to be judging her!

Unless you've read my post that I'm judging OP?

Chocmallows · 05/03/2019 17:14

Yes judging OP for not taking over the DCs and judging CF that other mums should take over from her and judge her silently afterwards.

OP was upfront and I admire that honesty.