Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

PuppyMonkey I absolutely am curious to know what happened. I am definitely nosey But I couldn't wait around to find out and the staff had said they wouldn't provide an update if I called, not my children so not my business. The police didn't even say if CF mum had shown up when they called. All I know is she had collected the children at some point in the end.

YANBU. Leaving kids at parties is fine IF you have spoke to the host about it. This woman is a pisstaker. And kicking off as you wouldn't alter your plans to accommodate her pisstaking is taking the piss even more!

YANBU OP

At best, her CFery will be nipped in the bud and she won't be pulling this again anytime soon. At worst, there will be the paper trail to establish neglect. You did the right thing.

As with any form of abuse, the fault lies with the abuser. The police weren't called because the OP wasn't caring for the children. They were called because the CF mum wasn't caring for her children

This is it in a nutshell really.

The so called 'mother' is 100 per cent to blame for this situation, not the OP or anyone else.

@LaurieMarlow I don't care, I would not leave a child crying outside my party room. I'll make no apologies for that. The child would've been welcomed in and not upset.

Like it or not OP you were in loco parentis.

Legally I cannot see that going anywhere. OP didn't ask for this, agree to this, or have support (emergency numbers). Party times were given in advance and it had ended. Kids were clearly abandoned, but OP kept them safe.

OP has come across as a regular caring mum and I am glad sees the funny side of the debating about her character, as she had restricted choices and didn't leave any children in a position for harm!

I think that leaving children at a party is fairly normal although you would let the host know. What is not normal is leaving the sibling. She was clearly being a CF and I think it is great that you didn't do what she expected i.e. stay with the children until she decided to turn up. She won't try that again!

I can't believe that the play centre people agreed to keep the children. This can't be their legal remit surely
Imagine if the play centre staff had left the kids as well, if they don’t have any more legal responsibility for the kids then the OP. They could have been waiting for a long time for the police.

This is what happens when a CF tries to take the piss with some one that gives zero fucks

Good. And about bloody time too. How about we take the hand wringing emotion out of it, like the police would.

Mother leaves her kids at a party with OP, a person she barely knows and fails to inform her that she's leaving.
OP upon being informed by the sibling that the mother has left, attempts to contact feckless fuckwit mother by phone, repeatedly.
OP finishes up the party, hangs around for half hour sorting things out, but has to leave to relieve gp of babysitting duties, a 45 minute round trip away.
OP informs soft play she has to leave, enquires about abandoned kids. They inform OP that their protocol is to call the police if they've not been collected.
Kids are left playing happily at the soft play.
OP gets contacted by police at 5.30pm, followed by ranting phone call at 7pm from fuckwit mother.

And somehow, SOMEHOW, OP is in the wrong for apparently not showing enough caring emotion for the children. I wouldn't either, they're not my kids and I don't know them!! Of course if it turned out the fuckwit mother had been in an accident, then I would be concerned but my actions up to that point wouldn't have been wrong!

How about we all stop giving zero fucks about cheeky fuckers - it would soon put a stop to them. You don't see men worrying about this sort of shit, and hand wringing about whether poor kids would be traumatized being left in a soft play FFS.

People seem to be berating the OP mainly because she didn't express the "correct" level of emotion for the kids.

@michaelbaubles obviously children cry at soft play, my point was I'd challenge the "that child can't come into the party room rule that the staff apparently imposed"

@howwillwedeal

And when they tell you again sorry no we're not covered by insurance to allow an unauthorised child in...what do you do?

@PotatoesDieInHotCars unauthorised child!!!

Ridiculous statement, do you think they call a register?

To answer I've already said, gone and got something from the Cafe!

All the soft play parties I have been to do not allow siblings (unless babies) in the room. Most restrict adults to hosts. Several have separated areas far from play area. I think they do not want to allow additional numbers unless they are paid for.

I have the same age gap DCs and would have taken them and stayed for both as youngest is only 4 and not fair for 8 year old when party room starts - it is not up to OP to pay extra to fit another DC in!

What if the older child has allergies? Or a medical condition? You dont risk feeding a stranger's kid. You don't just take a stranger's kids home with you cos you feel sorry for them. These children weren't handed over safely to another adult. They were abandoned at soft play. If you find a child lost in the street are you going to take it home? No. You contact the police.

Well done OP. Hopefully this other mum will get herself together and no longer choose to abandon her own kids.

I can't believe that the play centre people agreed to keep the children
You think they should have made the two children stand outside unsupervised? Could you imagine if they'd gone missing or got run over! "It isn't our legal remit so we made them stand outside in the rain"

I do wonder how many times this has happened for these kids, that their mum has abandoned them?

That’s what I was trying to say - they haven’t got any more reason to keep the kids than the OP has. It’s a good thing they did keep them and didn’t dump them outside until the police arrived - which could be many hours later.

I'm glad to know everyone will happily look after, feed, pay for and ferry about unaccompanied children at the drop of a hat! I'll bring mine over to your house later on. Make sure they've been washed by the time I come to pick them up.

You don't leave dcs that age in a soft play party unless agreed with the host first. It's negligent of the mother and she bloody deserved the police being called.

left the kids to the mercy of the police and fucked off yes cos you know those police officers will farm them out to the nearest farm for cheap labour or to the local butcher for sausages...

Crap Mum might have been hit by a car, and be lying in hospital unconscious. You think OP should just keep the kids for weeks until she showed up??

You don't have to make excuses OP, I think you did exactly the right thing.
The other mother was at fault for buggering off and not telling you.

That’s what I was trying to say - they haven’t got any more reason to keep the kids than the OP has. It’s a good thing they did keep them and didn’t dump them outside until the police arrived - which could be many hours later.

Yes they have. They will have a policy in place for uncollected children. They absolutely would not just dump them. All businesses will have policies in place to cover this, not just child centred ones.

YANBU OP, you did what you had to in the circumstances.

@SleepingStandingUp

Maybe the OP should turn her home into a free crèche for anyone that can't be fucked to look after their own kids.