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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

999 replies

Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 19:01

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up Grin

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

OP posts:
Sarahjconnor · 05/03/2019 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Motherofcreek · 05/03/2019 12:01

FooFighter99

Are you op? You sound very angry

PuppyMonkey · 05/03/2019 12:05

I’m not saying it was OP responsibility and yes I do know how the system works (I’m a foster carer) but I’d have wanted to see how it panned out. And yes maybe it’s purely because I’m nosy.Grin

nokidshere · 05/03/2019 12:06

However if you invite a child to a party you open up the possibility that parents will leave their children and go. (Particularly if it is not expressly stated on the invitation that they’re expected to stay.) Some people clearly believe it’s ok to do that. So as far as the Cf is concerned she left them legitimately and you’re the one who left them unattended

She left an older child who was not invited to the party Confused

I also work with children. Policy is that if parent (or emergency contact adult) doesn't turn up after 30 minutes and is not replying to calls or messages then SS have to be called.

ScreamingValenta · 05/03/2019 12:08

I can't believe that the play centre people agreed to keep the children. This can't be their legal remit surely.

Surely if you run a licensed play centre, you have to show that you have contingency plans for this sort of thing - it's inevitable that parents might get held up on occasions for genuine and unavoidable reasons.

FooFighter99 · 05/03/2019 12:11

@Motherofcreek no i'm not the OP but yes, I am angry (probably irrationally but hey ho)

I just hate it when people find reasons to support the CF in these situations.

OP did the right thing and I genuinley cannot understand why anyone is saying she did anything wrong.

ScreamingValenta · 05/03/2019 12:13

How can OP have been in loco parentis when the CF mum didn't tell her she was leaving the children in her care?

RiverTam · 05/03/2019 12:13

Foo agreed, it's absolutely baffling.

PiebaldHamster · 05/03/2019 12:14

So true sar302.

FrancisCrawford · 05/03/2019 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaurieMarlow · 05/03/2019 12:17

For once on AIBU I'm genuinely torn.

On the one hand, there's no way I could have just left the kids to the mercy of the police and fucked off. Yet on the other, refusing to engage with the cheeky fuckery was probably the right thing to do.

I really hope this has taught the mother in question a lesson.

tiledceiling · 05/03/2019 12:18

100% with you on this! Cheeky fuckers rely on people not leaving their children waiting for the police. All that would have happened had OP not done that was the other mum saying oh sorry about that... until the next time. Good for you OP. You didn’t traumatise those dc their mum did. I say this as my parent used to leave me in a toy store often while they went off to the bank to sort business stuff out. They did this a lot and got away with it, me and sis would play with the toys out until they returned. Until one day the staff clocked that we weren’t with anyone and called the police. Funny, my parents never did that again.

FrancisCrawford · 05/03/2019 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lunicorn · 05/03/2019 12:20

I admire you OP for doing what was procedurally correct rather than passively aggressively fussing and then being late to your mum's.
It makes me laugh on here when people proudly state that they gave her 'a look' or 'a death stare' and everyone applauds them for their wonderful riposte. Much better to actually do the right thing however uncomfortable it might be to do so.

RiverTam · 05/03/2019 12:23

Laurie she didn't just 'fuck off'. She had to return to her mother's to collect her baby so her mother could go to work. And may not have had car seats to accommodate these children. She didn't just piss off because she couldn't be bothered.

BigChocFrenzy · 05/03/2019 12:24

derxa The OP was not in loco parentis, because she never agreed to be

The CF didn't ask her to be,
didn't even inform her she was going out,
didn't tell her there was a sibling there either

PiebaldHamster · 05/03/2019 12:25

Oh, yes, lunicorn, 'I'd have had a face like thunder . . . ' This parent would not give a single fuck about that. Not a thing. In fact, all she cared about was being 'shown up' by the police after she got caught out dumping her kids, not giving a gram of fuck where they were. The mind boggles.

howwillwedeal · 05/03/2019 12:25

@FooFighter99 I for one am not supporting the CF, I am supporting the children, I wouldn't leave a child crying outside of a party room, with her sister inside. I also would do everything within my power to not have the police called to the children, they would've been worried.

Obviously my comments were made before I found out that

  1. The venue WOULD NOT allow the other child in the party room
  1. The OP was the sole adult running the party as her OH works weekends (obviously with the centre staff)
  1. Six month old baby was with a GP who was waiting to go to work

But some of those I would've got round, like telling the staff that one additional child was going to cause no issue in the party room and escalating that to a manager and ask if he thought it appropriate to leave a child crying in the soft play area.

LaurieMarlow · 05/03/2019 12:28

You didn’t traumatise those dc their mum did.

Yes and I think this is important.

Every time a well meaning person (and I include myself in this) acts as rescuer in these situations, they enable the CF behaviour.

Having to face the consequences is probably much more likely to make her change her behaviour.

RiverTam · 05/03/2019 12:29

Laurie agreed. Those kids wouldn't have been traumatised because an adult they barely knew left them, they would be traumatised because their mother abandoned them. A fact that it sounds like the police made crystal clear.

BigChocFrenzy · 05/03/2019 12:30

All those genuinely in loco parentis would phone the police quite quickly if a parent didn't turn up,
especially if they refused to answer their phone for the last hour

The OP did the right thing for the longterm interests of the kids - the police would flag up this neglectful parent

If the OP had just hung around for hours, then the parent would continue abandoning their kids for ever longer periods, possibly until something serious happened.

michaelbaubles · 05/03/2019 12:30

ask if he thought it appropriate to leave a child crying in the soft play area

Literally every time I've been to soft play there's been a child crying, staff would have a tough job if they didn't let that happen ever!

grumpyyetgorgeous · 05/03/2019 12:30

I am supporting the children, I wouldn't leave a child crying outside of a party room, with her sister inside

And that's what cf mum is trading on. All these posters berating op for being hard and not putting the children first would all actually have enabled this mum to keep on putting her children in danger by abandoning them. She's trading on the soft hearted ness of other mums. So well done op, not an easy call to make but maybe by calling her out like you did you have saved her dd from further neglect.

howwillwedeal · 05/03/2019 12:42

And that's what cf mum is trading on. All these posters berating op for being hard and not putting the children first would all actually have enabled this mum to keep on putting her children in danger by abandoning them. She's trading on the soft hearted ness of other mums. So well done op, not an easy call to make but maybe by calling her out like you did you have saved her dd from further neglect.

Not bothered if she thinks I'm soft hearted , don't care, if not leave me be child out.

LaurieMarlow · 05/03/2019 12:45

Not bothered if she thinks I'm soft hearted , don't care, if not leave me be child out.

The point is that she'll do it again though.

She may not if she's not enabled.

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