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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

999 replies

Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 19:01

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up Grin

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 05/03/2019 10:53

I’ve always left my DC at birthday parties and always will do,

Which is fine.....if the party host agrees and you collect them at the time you say you will. CF did neither of these, nor did she answer her phone.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/03/2019 10:54

All those who said they would have taken the children home fail to grasp the soft play centre would not have let them. To do so would be againsf safeguarding rules as the children will have been logged in and linked to the adult, who brought them. Had op attempted to do this, the soft play centre would have called the police.

Even if op did somehow manage to take the children, there would have been an investigation launched and the police called once the mother returned to pick the children up to find they had disappeared.

As op had to leave, the intervention of the police one way or another was inevitable.

SmarmyMrMime · 05/03/2019 10:54

Leaving a child who is confident and competent to be left is not an issue if the host is aware, you are contactable and collect the child in good time. It's the being uncontactable and abandonment long after the party ended that makes this a very different league of issue, plus the random univited sibling too.

Plenty of parents with siblings do find they have to drop and collect, particularly if it is a venue unsuitable for hanging around with the sibling. I have ended up taking a sibling to other activities within a leisure centre, a nearby soft play or to their regular activity within the time frame of the party where I am local and confident that I can return with a good margin from the end of the party and have shared that information about what I'm doing.

OP has reacted in line with guidence in organisations such as Guiding and Scouting. She has attempted contact and waited a reasonable time. If the leader was unable to stay, they would go up the commissioner chain for support, and be relieved until the police came, the in this case the equivilent being leaving the child under the care of soft play staff. You do not take a barely known child home!

derxa · 05/03/2019 11:03

Like it or not OP you were in loco parentis. You talk about packing up the car. Where were all the children at that point?

minisoksmakehardwork · 05/03/2019 11:05

@Dumbodog. I don't think you were in the wrong. Mum should have answered her phone the first time or made alternative arrangements for the children to be collected at the end of the party, which should have been communicated to you.

Either way you did what had to be done and at least no one will risk been so damned cheeky at your parties in future.

PreseaCombatir · 05/03/2019 11:08

Like it or not OP you were in loco parentis. You talk about packing up the car. Where were all the children at that point?

No she wasn’t lol

RiverTam · 05/03/2019 11:11

you were 100% in the right and if more people did as you did then cheeky fuckers would stop being cheeky fuckers pretty smartly! The children were safe - no thanks to their mother.

Witchtower · 05/03/2019 11:12

I think you would have had different responses if you’d given correct facts initially. Slight drip feeding.

I still feel like you did this all to prove a point. When writing your post there seemed to be very little sympathy for the children left. That came after some negative comments.

If there was more compassion in your original post I probably would have had a different response.

NataliaOsipova · 05/03/2019 11:12

Like it or not OP you were in loco parentis

I’m not sure that’s right - the kids were left without her consent in a public place. If I have a child to my house for a play date? Yes, I’d agree with your point. But this is different from that.

Original poster
Dumbodog · 05/03/2019 11:12

derxa The party was finished, where do you think all the children were? Confused

All their parents had actually stayed and looked after them, parents took them home as the party ended. My child was helping me take things to the car and the two children left were still playing. After I had packed up the car I went and told the two kids that I was leaving and that they were to keep playing until someone collected them. The staff told me the manager was calling the police and they wouldn't tell the children until they had to. I asked if they could provide an update but, understandably as they're not my children, they said no.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dumbodog · 05/03/2019 11:17

Witchtower I do apologise for not providing every minute detail Hmm
Point of post was, CF left her kids without telling me, didn't answer her phone, never returned at the end of party, I couldn't take kids with me, staff had to call the police. None of the further details change any of that. Of course I feel for the kids, but the kids weren't the point of my post.

OP posts:
derxa · 05/03/2019 11:19

I can't believe that the play centre people agreed to keep the children. This can't be their legal remit surely.

Original poster
Dumbodog · 05/03/2019 11:21

derxa Why wouldn't they keep them? They were abandoned children as far as anyone knew. If I hadn't known CF mum had gone, then we could've all went home and they'd have still been left there until the staff found them. What would they do? Chuck them out alone?

OP posts:
HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/03/2019 11:24

I can't believe that the play centre people agreed to keep the children. This can't be their legal remit surely.

Of course they agreed to keep them. They had phoned the [police and were waiting for them to arrive to deal with the 2 abandoned children. What other option was there? They couldn't let them go with the OP and they couldn't kick them out of the play centre. They had to keep them inside and await instruction from the police.

BlueJag · 05/03/2019 11:31

@Dumbodog I had to read this to my husband and he said that the mother was wrong and she was totally irresponsible for leaving her children.
I can't really see how it would have been ok to take the children with you.
Appalling behaviour and hopefully this woman isn't going to leave her kids alone again.
Lesson learned don't leave your kids unless there is a prior arrangement.
Jaw dropping behaviour and then you get shouted at?????ConfusedConfusedConfusedConfusedConfusedConfused

FooFighter99 · 05/03/2019 11:34

Yes, those poor kids WHOSE MUM ABANDONED THEM TO GO AND GET HER FUCKING HAIR DONE! WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A "SEE YA LATER" TO THE PARTY MUM

Are you all for real? How is OP responsible for the abandoned kids???? If she'd taken them home, having NOT BEEN ABLE TO CONTACT CF MUM ( I mean seriously, who the fuck doesn't answer their phone knowing full well it would be about HER KIDS???) then she's the one who could have ended up in trouble with the fucking police!

Jesus, you're all such Martyrs aren't you!?

OP - you did the right thing, the CF mum needs to know that her behaiour was unreasonable, potentially dangerous and should NEVER happen again!

derxa · 05/03/2019 11:40

Jesus, you're all such Martyrs aren't you!? No I would have been furious at the mother.

RiverTam · 05/03/2019 11:51

which the OP is. Doesn't make these kids her responsibility as she had repeatedly attempted to contact the mum and she had to leave in order to collect her DC from her mum who had to get to work. If it was me I also wouldn't have enough car seats.

The kids were safe. No thanks to their mother.

PuppyMonkey · 05/03/2019 11:51

I’m not a martyr, I just find it baffling OP could go home and carry on as normal and not be the SLIGHTEST bit curious about what happened to those kids. Maybe at least hang around or nip back later to see if the police needed any comments or statement from her. We know CF mum turned up in the end, but what if she hadn’t?

myrtleWilson · 05/03/2019 11:53

Or be very nosy puppy - the police rang the OP anyway...

howwillwedeal · 05/03/2019 11:53

@Dumbodog I had to read this to my husband and he said that the mother was wrong and she was totally irresponsible for leaving her children.

Well that's it sorted, if your husband says it's wrong, it just must be Hmm!

What about not letting the older child have some food, that ok as well?

RiverTam · 05/03/2019 11:53

Then the police would have had charge of these children. The OP knew the centre were calling the police. You hardly get safer than the police looking after them, would you? And the bottom line is, it was actually none of her business.

Uptheapplesandpears · 05/03/2019 11:54

What's the basis for claiming OP was in loco parentis?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/03/2019 11:55

Maybe at least hang around or nip back later to see if the police needed any comments or statement from her. We know CF mum turned up in the end, but what if she hadn’t?

But the Op has already said the police ahd information on which to contact her should they need to, which they later did. What would going back achieve?

Also if the CF mum had not turned up how the fuck is the OP going to help in that situation? The police would have rightly contacted SS and the children would have gone into emergency foster care whilst the police looked for their mother. This would have been the police's job not the OP's job.

The OP is not heartless, mean, unkind or immoral for ensuring the relevant authorities were contacted. It was not her job to look after those children hence why she went home after making sure procedures to ensure their safety were being put in place.

Motherofcreek · 05/03/2019 11:58

This is what happens when a CF tries to take the piss with some one that gives zero fucks

Poor kids ...