Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

My point us that your OP implied that you left as soon as the party finished. CF wasnt there so you handed responsibility over to centre staff.

If your OP had said that half an hour after the given end time the mother still hadn't arrived you would have received different responses.

@RaffertyFair

I stand by what I said. I always presumed she'd been there at least twenty minutes- I've never known anyone waltz off immediately at the party end time, as there is usually associated faff that lasts at least that long. But waiting until the woman deigned to show up and not having the police called would have enabled her neglectful behaviour to continue.

Poor kids. What you did was exactly the right thing OP, short term pain for those kids but hopefully long term gain. 👏🏼

They were perfectly safe. Hopefully the cf mum will never think to do something like this again.

Here are the golden rules for leaving small kids at other people’s parties:

1.. You check it’s okay with the party parent before you leave and say goodbye so that parent knows you have left and they are in charge.

1. You turn up to collect either bang on time or earlier than the party finish.
2. You make sure the party parent has your number and you keep an ear out for your phone in case you are needed.

Nothing contentious here, surely? Bear in mind that the CF mum broke not just one, but all three of these. Why does OP owe her any courtesy; she certainly wasn’t shown any? OP was responsible enough to make the soft play centre know that the kids had been left there and knew that they would be supervised and care would be taken of them.

I had a kid whose mum was 30 mins late for collection.
I thought "meh..."
The end.

I think the op was absolutely fine do do what she did in the circumstances.
As to whether I would do it, I really can't say. I think if I could have stayed, I obviously would but I'd have been bloody furious at the parent. But the op couldn't stay, so in those circumstances I'd have had to leave too. There really wasn't any choice.

I've never known anyone waltz off immediately at the party end time

Neither have I ReaganSomerset but omitting that half an hour from the story is odd. Not assumptions or drip feed.

My response was based on the actual account given.

Sorry that should have said my response was based on the actual account given not assumptions or drip feed

Disagree Rafferty. OP said that she left but didn't mention a time frame. You assumed she left immediately, I presumed she left after twenty minutes or so. 🤷‍♀️

Summer I'm surprised she didn't befriend you to regularly use more of your time. I'm guessing you weren't running to a baby and working mum and it was a house party so you had flexibility, rather than event where guests are kicked out (booked hall).

I always say with house parties that time is flexible by 30 minutes for pickups to make things easier on parents. External events are different, some push visitors out at the end for space for the next groups. Going back 30 minutes later is not an option.

I assumed the OP didn't leave for a while after the party ended,
since she said all the other parents had left, so she couldn't ask any of them to help.

It doesn't sound like the CF's kids were any more distressed by continuing to play there, than they would have been if the OP stayed and watched.

The OP left them in a safe environment

• it would of course be very different if she had just left them in the street

It was useful that the authorities were made aware of this parent's blatant neglect of her young children,
so they can hopefully monitor and check that it doesn't continue or worsen

• they might have been left sometimes in less safe places

If the CF had left them at nursery or at junor school, the staff there would also have called the police

• doing so 30 minutes after finishing wouldn't be unusual, since the parent refused to answer their phone

Oh god, didn't think people would still be arguing over this grin

Yeah you posted that 12 hours after the original post and most of those hours people were asleep! Do you use MN much? This could be rumbling on for three weeks!

Of course if people were all agreeing with you it wouldn't be deemed arguing!

You do know you've put your post in AIBU?

People don't seem to be considering that at the time the OP didn't know where the mum was! At the time, for all the OP knew, the mum had been in a serious accident. If that had been the case, and the OP sat around waiting for hours, she'd be getting flamed for not alerting the authorities sooner.

Some of the posters on here seem to think that the OP should have realised CF mum needed a few hours of pampering to herself and should have been more understanding!

I am finding a few things difficult to take in this situation. Firstly the mother leaving the univited sibling unsupervised at the play centre without letting the party mum know she was even there at her failure to answer phone calls and failure to pick up both kuds on time. I always find it hard to understand why the play centre wouldn't let the extra child in to party room she wasn't a random child but the sibling of a child at the party who if not let in was going to be running around the play centre unsupervised. I am also very surprised they let party mum leave both kids there in their care and let party mum go home. I would have thought if you invite children to a party you are responsible for them until their parents come to collect them. I am also quite shocked that op left both children in care of play centre and went home as wrong as the actions of their mum was i would never have forgiven myself if something has happened them. It was my daughters party do i would have assumed responsibility for them until parent collected them. I would have been fuming with the mother but not have left the kids

I had a kid whose mum was 30 mins late for collection.
I thought "meh..."
The end

Cool story bro

I think you were in an impossible situation OP

If you'd stayed later what would have happened to your baby at your mum's and what would have happened had your mum been late for work? There aren't many jobs where being late because you're babysitting is an acceptable excuse!

If you'd taken them with you, I assume it would have been tricky with car seats etc and the other mum would probably have gone mad at you for taking them to yours without permission, or may have demanded you drive them back and refused to collect them which would have been hard with the baby in tow.

I don't think you had much choice. She didn't give you much choice

Can you imagine what the responses would have been if the OP had said that she’d put the kids in her car and taken them home? No extra car seats etc but wanted to do the right thing?

Do people honestly think the unanimous response would have been that she was in the right? Or that posters would be telling her that perhaps the mum was going out of her mind with worry thinking her children had been abducted and that the OP was wrong to remove someone’s children from a public play area.

The mother A, dropped four year olds without a backward glance. B: dropped a sibling without checking that that was ok or even telling the OP that she had done so. C: failed to answer her phone when called on numerous occasions.

And people actually are being so ridiculous as to suggest that because the OP didn’t detail her timing of the exit from the soft play word for word that she is the one in the wrong and it’s odd?

what planet do people live on here?

They weren’t her children. She was not even aware of their existence at the party. Added to which, I’d imagine that the soft play has the rule around only party guests being given food is because of insurance because if a non invited child enters and has an allergy the soft play would be held culpable.

The only person in the wrong here was the mother. But it’s not hard to see why given some of the responses on this thread.

It's clear the mum did this deliberately - didn't check before the party if it was OK to leave both children and booked a hair appointment. Then on the day, sneaked out without telling you she was going or you were responsible for her children, and then refused to answer her phone.

This was intentional - she knew in advance what she was doing was unreasonable or she would have asked. Also knew you'd likely say no and she wasn't having that get in the way of a haircut. Now she is pissed off about not getting away with it and being told off by the police.

One of the startling things I’ve witnessed in the last few years is that my expectations regarding parental responsibility isn’t as universal as I thought. You really do have to spell out in very clear language what those expectations are. I work in a community theatre and the amount of people who ask if they can dump and run is staggering. I have to repeat over and over again, that we aren’t a crèche.

Expecting someone to take responsibility for your child when you haven’t extended the curtesy of asking, is negligent.

Agent I have to say if I was taking my child to a theatre class I'd assume I would be leaving them and not staying with them. Unless you mean an actual performance?

The onus is on the children's mother here not the OP. Some of you may have handled it differently but the OP ensured the children were safe which is more than their own parent did. Apart from logistics of party numbers, car seats etc, why should the OP have had to make her day super stressful and impact on her own family because a thoughtless woman too the mickey? Def a CF.

The mum is definitely in the wrong but you could have been the better person but instead chose to make the children pay for their mothers behaviour? You said the little one thought you were looking after her? I wonder how she felt when she saw the woman 'looking after her' leave, being totally alone and then men in uniform coming? All you can hope is that it won't stick with the girl for life (I might sound dramatic but that is a pretty traumatic event for a child)

If I was late to pick up my baby but saw any child (even a stranger) alone I would call whoever had my child and explain the situation and wait til the police came so they didn't feel alone.

The lesson here is, state clearly on the invitation that children must not be left. Otherwise op seems to have dealt with the situation ok. Leaving 2 children playing under supervision is probably better than transporting them without the mother being aware. Op couldn't stay - that's not her fault. Calling police is a good idea given she'd no idea where parent was or if she was OK. It's not that traumatic for the children to be left. They don't know the difference between that and any other time their parents leave them.

As someone who has been left in a number of awkward situations with children not collected after parties over the years I kind of admire your balls for doing what lots of people would like to but don't have the nerve!

But no I would not have left, even if my mother was late to work.

Yeah, fuck her. Never mind if she's late and doesn't get paid, or could get disciplined, or doesn't get paid if she turns up late or has to make up time or works in a critical job like caring or police or paramedics.

This gal has done this loads of times, I can almost guarantee it. It's neglect and I'm glad it's now known to authorities.