Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

So many posts on here make me realise why there are so many CFs. So many enablers.
OP you did exactly the right thing.

Thing is she didn't even check the OP still had her number before she left to go on her hair appointment. I'm guessing the majority of people don't delete messages immediately but there's always a chance they have.

The OP did exactly the right thing.

This CF needed a wake up call; her behaviour was so despicable you can't guarantee she hadn't done it before..those kids could be neglected in general.

The OP had been calling the mum for an hour with no response, what if the mum had been in an accident? .

Calling the police is a standard child care operator practice. They would have the piss taken out of them left right and centre if they didn't; we've all read the stories about parents leaving kids in toy shops for hours whilst they did other things..can you imagine how they would abuse softplay given the chance?

I would love to know how this CF parent spins this to her mates.

OP it originally sounded like the children were removed and placed in a room whilst they waited for police. After you mentioned that they continued to play in the area I felt happier for the children.

Did you speak to the children before you left and explained the situation or did you leave without any discussion?

I can’t stress the CFery of this parent but the focus should be on the children.

I’ve noticed that parents with older siblings seem to assume it’s an automatic drop off. Also soft play party’s are shorter than most. This is in no way excusing her behaviour. More to explain why it was unlikely the mother had had an accident.

If I invite a child to my party I automatically assume some responsibility, even if parents are there. When this CF left without telling you, I would have taken responsibility.

This all feels like a bit of a point to prove. You didn’t wait at all. You left immediately after the party had ended, not even 10 mins.
I personally couldn’t have left them. I would have had a face like thunder and I can’t explain the anger I would feel towards that parent. But no I would not have left, even if my mother was late to work.

The CF is clearly disgraceful, there’s no way I could do what she did, but I couldn’t leave the kids either. I’d have called the person babysitting and tell them I had an emergency, messaged any friends who could possibly pick up the baby or who could wait with the kids at soft play while I picked up the baby, because I’d be thinking that those kids are about to experience something absolutely awful.

Jesus.

The cheeky fucker was getting her hair done.

All that running around and people cancelling work or driving manically across country to protect the kids from their mother's new haircut?

Give it a rest. The OP did exactly the right thing.

I probably wouldn't have left either, but I'd be full of seething resentment towards the CF, and feeling like I was enabling her fuckery.

That's why I kind of think the OP did the right thing. The kids were absolutely fine, and it's unlikely the CF will do that again.

Most people know not to behave like that because they weren't raised by wolves. CF clearly was, so had to find out the publicly humiliating way.

Now she knows.

She was a CF, but I would not let a child go hungry. I bet loads of food was left and one extra would've made no difference.

Also knowing the police were going to be called and letting that happen is a massive waste of police time (your time is more precious than police time, really!) and also upsetting for the kids.

She was a CF and you were unreasonable! Both of you out of order.

100% with you OP. Take responsibility for those children lies with their mother. It seems you're damned whatever you do on Mn!

Can I ask was it just you supervising the party or did you have a OH with you?

Also knowing the police were going to be called and letting that happen is a massive waste of police time

Disagree entirely. The mother was being neglectful and needed to be spoken to regarding her behaviour. If the police speaking to her stops this from happening again, I'd consider it an excellent use of their time. If OP had stayed with them, I'd bet money that the CF would abandon the poor kids again.

Also, the woman hadn't answered her phone for an hour knowing her kids were at the soft play- it was reasonable to assume she had been in an accident and the police have the power to find out.

You did the right thing OP.

I suspect the 2 children are used to this type of neglect, were happy to continue playing, and have maybe now got an inkling that being abandoned by their parent in a public place is not normal behaviour. Maybe they will go on to have higher expectations of their mother and question being left alone in the future.

OP, you left the children in a safe place, where they had been abandoned. It was the mother's responsibility to care for them personally, not yours. She chose to be selfish and neglectful and is angry that you did not operate to higher standards. Just incredible.

All this 'I would have waited, disrupted everyones plans etc' is enabling behaviour. This CF will probably not do this again now, meaning the correct decision was mafe by the OP.

IF she had taken responsibility for the kids and not got police involved, you can guarantee those kids would have been left over and over again, as CF parent laughs in other parents faces.

The only thing I can think of to do was to ask your mum to drop DC to you at the soft play if possible. Failing that then what could you have actually done? Did this CF just expect you to hang around all day?

I can imagine the nursery run will be fun!

Oh god, didn't think people would still be arguing over this

It was just myself hosting. DH was at work (never gets a weekend off unless an emergency) and DS's actual birthday was Friday so wasn't a big deal.

Frankly, I didn't want to entertain my 6 month old whilst running the party and my mum was happy to babysit so that's what happened.

I left the soft play at 4.30, half an hour after the party ended. Yes maybe you all would have waited longer, but everyone else had gone just before 4 or bang on 4. I had to get to my mums which is a 45 minutes drive (although took an hour given the traffic at that time) so I was late getting to her as it was.

I absolutely didn't tell the kids that police were on their way. I let them know that I had to get home but that they could keep playing and someone would be there to collect them soon. They weren't fazed and went back off to play. The staff assured me they wouldn't know about the police until they absolutely had to be told. I'm not sure if mum got there before them or not.

I said the mum called me about half an hour after I got home, that was about 7pm. With traffic we didnt get home until almost 6.30! The police called me around 5.30 to clarify what happened. CF mum called me at 7. I have no idea what time she actually turned up to collect those children.

I also don't have friends/family that could have gone to get the baby for me. We don't all have heaps of people that can be there at the drop of a hat.

The other mum should have answered her phone. That's all she'd have had to do to stop all this happening.

OP, YANBU.

OMG why don't people RTFT ? She couldn't take the child into the party room, her mother had to go to work so she had to leave, No extra car seats.

OP I don't think you were BU at all. There's obviously a lot of CF on here who think it's OK and would possibly do the same.

People are just so weird.

I left the soft play at 4.30, half an hour after the party ended.

Interesting fact to add now - not what you wrote in your op!

Oh god, didn't think people would still be arguing over this grin

Missing the point OP.... we come for the ruck!

@raffertyfair

The OP said, The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me!

She didn't say how long she was there after the party ended. The update fits with the OP.

Oh Lord OP this turned into quite the bunfight 😂

You did nothing wrong. Those kids are not your responsibility and hanging around only enables CF mum. She cannot be allowed to carry on like this!

The most CFery about this is the mother not even coming back at the time stated on the invitation the party was ending. If she had come back then the police would never of been called!

CF left kids without telling OP, 2 kids one of whom wasn't even invited to party.

She then gets her HAIR DONE! Doesn't answer OP's calls and doesn't turn up to collect her kids.

Wonder what the neglectful bitch is like at home. Poor kids.

I really hope all those posters who claimed that those of us who would have waited (probably half an hour or so) were enabling child neglect, will come back and pile on the OP who apparently did just that.

RaffertyFair What is your point? I said the party came to an end, it did. I had to faff around gathering the leftover party things, gifts etc. and get everything in the car as well as discuss the sitatuation with the staff. Obviously it took a while.

I would have waited but I actually think you did the braver thing and maybe spared these kids from a string of similar events.
Knowing they've been ditched with some random mum.