AIBU not to pay for my 16 year olds holiday when I didn't agree to it?

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

I'm so cross and disappointed with this. My 16 year old DS has had a girlfriend for a few months. She's a lovely person, and the relationship has progressed sensibly. Up until now I haven't spoken to her parents as there was no real need to.
However, something seperate occured today, which prompted me to speak with them. As an aside they mentioned that My DS was going on holiday with them. It's booked and paid for and he has said he is paying them back. I asked how much it was for, and was told £600.

Now, my DS had mentioned about a holiday with her few weeks ago, but no more details were given. I asked him to find out more information and let me know. I did say to DS it was unlikely and I absolutely wouldn't be able to pay.

So he has gone agaisnt what I said, and the mum has told me it has been booked. No discussion with me prior. She has just taken the word of 16 year old DS.

I am in no way able to pay for or contribute to this holiday. DS has a job, he earns min wage for 16 year olds which is £4.20 ph. It will take him working 150 hours just to pay off a holiday that (let's face it, teenagers aren't the most reliable of relationship keepers) he may not even end up going on. He is at college, so his working hours are limited. It's 0 hours, and he takes what he can get which can be 0 or 12 hours a week.

I can't see how he can pay for it. I can't pay for it. AIBU to wash my hands of it and say it's between DS and the girlfriends mum to deal with?

As an aside note, he has a holiday with us and extended family booked 2 weeks later paid for by my dad, so there is no lack of holiday going on.

What would insurance cover? Probably not for breaking up with the girlfriend and not wanting to pay/finish paying, not for not wanting or being able to pay back the gf's parents as that's a personal arrangement, nor would he get anything back from the core £600 very early as surely the booking is all under their details and he just a name added to it, surely any refunds would go to the party organiser who should have their own travel insurance?

I mean he can cover spending money or loss of passport but that's probably about it

Is this like " taken", where they have to get your permission to take your son on holiday?

Well, I guess you've got to let him make the mistake now, it's all part of growing up.
(Although, sensible not to pay until the last minute. I would have no conscience about dropping his gf's parents in it, if they ended up with the cost of it if ds doesn't go, based on what you've said about them making parental decisions for your son without involving you).

It's frustrating for you as you can see the long term ramifications of his decisions, but as you point out up thread, if you forbid him at this stage, you will drive him away.
All you cannot do now is support him and be ready to help him pick up the pieces later, when he realises just how broke he's going to be. Try not to say 'i told you so', when he complains he has no money to go out, or when he has to leave 2 hours earlier to catch the bus, 'cos he doesn't drive, etc, etc.

It might even be the making of him, and he will become sensible with money, as a result.

All you can do

There was a thread on here last summer about a cancelled holiday, also one where there were airport delay, and items smashed. Even travel from home to airport is covered
The aunt had not covered her daughter, it got very expensive .. about £30 and I think it covers all year for travel.

I think all you can do is say to your son ,and her parents that you are not paying anything for this holiday.And repeat.Otherwise you have to let him make his own decisions/mistakes

There was a thread on here last summer about a cancelled holiday, also one where there were airport delay, and items smashed. Even travel from home to airport is covered

mummmy. Why do you keep posting about insurance? No travel insurance is going to cover these circumstances. They don’t pay out if you cancel because you can’t afford to pay.

Oh I just wouldn't get involved in this. He will learn from it. You don't know what he told her parents.....

If I were the GF parents I would just accept whatever money he had given me by the time of the trip and would write off the rest. I would expect to pay for all his food etc whilst on holiday too. I have always done this when taking friends/GF away with my older DC.

Take a back seat. It sounds like you have enough on your plate without adding this to your worries.

Shouldn't they have mentioned it to you anyway regardless of money as they're taking your DS out of the control and he's technically still a child? Also you might have your own family plans etc. and they haven't checked any of that.

*out of the country

not your problem

Does he have a valid passport? That would be another expense if he doesn't.

How bloody annoying. I can really understand your frustration! His driving lessons are much more important than a holiday to Benidorm. Hope you get it resolved.
I'd have to ring the other parent, I'd be raging.

Its not just the holiday though. He needs insurance, spending money and some clothes. I dont understand how he can afford it alone. Also why the other mum didn't realise that she needed to ask you first?!

I think what a lot of people need to realise is that not all 16 year old act like children, when I was 16 I worked went to college and looked after my disabled mum, any decision such as this my DM had no input as I had acted as an adult for a long time, the girls parents may think he is more 'mature' than what the mum does.

What happened about the holiday?

Good question Outie!

What happened?

It's summer holidays soon, sounds like he'll have at least 3 weeks of it left to try and find some extra hours to work.

I think the forum is unanimous though - his problem to sort. Do not offer to sort out his problem or pay for him, it'll be a slippery slope from there.

Why wont he be able to pay more than £10-£15 per week? What else has he got to spend money on. He needs to learn that personal debts should be the first thing to be repaid.

Its not your problem but I don't blame them for taking the word of a 16 year old as good. What sort of child have you raised if you can't trust what he says at 16?

Are they even still together? What madness for the girl's family to book a holiday in March for school holidays when the pair had only been going out for 3 months.

damn I thought there was an update. @ThisMustBeMyDream if you're still around come back please =)

This reminded me of when I was 17.

I worked and had a boyfriend, we hadn't been together long, maybe about 6 weeks. One day, boyfriend came round and asked if I wanted to go on holiday with him, his brother and parents.

I think I only got to "errrrrm" when he said that they'd already booked it.

2 weeks later it turned out I had to pay for myself!

I'm still pissed about it 16 years later!

Shit holiday n all

Hope you or his dad have chatted to you about birth control etc! It might be a bit after the horse has bolted, but important.

Re. the holiday, funnily enough though I am quite strict about alot of things others let go, I'd let this one go. Let him go, let him pay for it, etc etc. I'd even be pleased for him if it was me, I really would, sounds like he's getting on with his young adult life. Strange he never mentioned it, but perhaps he thought you would say "no!".

p.s. I wouldn't have a let a girl stay overnight at my house without her parent's permission before she stayed over! But then again I wouldn't let a 16 year old g/f stay at my house full stop! Too young!

Yes I've spoken to him. He's being thoroughly immature about the whole thing.

He's 16. He is immature.