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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think being slim should be normal for most people.

999 replies

DevilishDebbie · 03/03/2019 18:02

By slim i mean sizes 8 to 12.

Obviously you get a minority who are not in this range naturally but for 80% of people this size should be natural, say they eat a reasonable diet of between 2000-3000 calories.

Im so sick of people at work making out i am abnormally thin for being a size 10. I watch what I eat but dont deprive myself. The same people making me out to be lucky to be slim eat fried chicken or pizza for lunch and seem to be able to demolish a whole pack of biscuits at 3 o clock.

Aibu to think that the normal human man/woman should be a size 8-12 and that to attain or maintain this does not require super human discipline or strength.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 07/03/2019 15:08

BuffaloSpringfield I am really sorry about your DD, I hope she recovers soon.
I mean this kindly but aneroxia is rarely if ever the result of being fat shamed, it is usually a deep rooted issue of loss of control, calorie counting food intake is easier to control, anorexia is self harming, I volunteer with young teens in recovery. I was a teen with aneroxia, I was never over 8 stone managed to get to 5 stone, for me it was all about the pleasure pain.

Babygrey7 · 07/03/2019 15:30

Bloodydisgrace...Confused no, nobody puts on a kilo after eating 1 bun

You know, because, ....science Grin

HelenaDove · 07/03/2019 15:32

@BloodyDisgrace apt user name btw.

"Think of the 50s glamour lasses, no one was fat, tits were cup B, not GGGGG"

THIS is body shaming. There are some women who can be described as "short and stacked" you know.

My weight loss took me from a 46G down to a 32HH.

when i was taken for my first training bra the shop assistant knew it wouldnt fit and she was right. this was 1983 and i was ten.

I was in a C cup by my second year of high school. i would have been booby without getting bigger and then losing it.

So we are shaming women for their bra size now. Mine is hereditary. my gran on the British side was well endowed in this department.

And there is no such cup size as GGGGG Were you so busy wanking off over this thread that you hit the key too many times or are you so desperate to shame other women that its a deliberate over exaggaration.

HelenaDove · 07/03/2019 15:37

powered by Rubicon Project

In early November, Dani Mathers was charged with one misdemeanor count of invasion of privacy for taking a picture of a naked 70-year-old woman at her gym.

No one would have probably known about the secret photo, except the former Playboy Playmate posted the image on her Snapchat account.

“If I can’t unsee this then you can’t either,” the 29-year-old Mathers wrote over the image that she sent out on social media this past summer.

The post went viral.

A few months later Los Angeles City Attorney Mike Feuer decided to file criminal charges.

It’s an unusual move, according to legal experts. Feuer was quoted in the Los Angeles Times as saying the charges were necessary in order to send a message.

“Body shaming is humiliating, with often painful, long-term consequences,” he said. “It mocks and stigmatizes its victims, tearing down self-respect and perpetuating the harmful idea that our unique physical appearances should be compared to air-brushed notions of ‘perfect.’ What really matters is our character and humanity. While body shaming, in itself, is not a crime, there are circumstances in which invading one’s privacy to accomplish it can be. And we shouldn’t tolerate that.”

Mathers has since apologized for the incident. She is scheduled for arraignment on Nov. 28. If found guilty she could face up to six months behind bars and a $1,000 fine.
Not a new thing

Body shaming is not a new phenomenon for women.

Look no further than comments made by our current president-elect.

Republican Donald Trump is on record making derogatory remarks about women and their looks. It wasn’t just during the election. Throughout much of his public life Trump has expressed disdain for women solely based on their physical appearances.

For decades the media has pushed unrealistic images of how the female body should look. This includes movies, television, and print.

In recent years, social media has taken body shaming to a new level.

A handful of companies and celebrities are working to change the narrative around what are acceptable standards of the female body.

It’s a small but growing group, according to advocates of women’s health.
A difficult challenge

Despite the growing support, women’s health advocates say body shaming is going to be difficult to fight.

There is an established notion, they say, that a thin, “conventionally pretty” woman is what all women should strive toward — and that anything outside that realm isn’t valued or worthy.

“We have to break through the model that insecurity sells,” Claire Mysko, chief executive officer of the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), told Healthline.

She said tabloid magazines are big proponents of the body shaming machine. Publishing photos of celebrities that highlight and mock their cellulite through blown-up imagery is one example.

“We are learning the language [of body shaming] from this mass media culture,” she said.

Television doesn’t fare much better, according to Crystal Karges, M.S., R.D.N., director of content and social media of Eating Disorder Hope.

“Overweight characters are often the butt of jokes on TV sitcoms,” she told Healthline. “This makes body shaming the norm.”

The rise of social media in the past five years has only exacerbated the issue.

Today, a teenage girl is inundated with a tsunami of “perfect” body images through their social media feeds. In addition, people comment on these images, sometimes in disparaging and dismissive tones.

Ironically, it’s also social media that is doing good work in calling out body shamers, Mysko added.

The Mathers case is a perfect example. It took only one person to look at the image that Mathers posted and realize that what she did wasn’t OK.

“You can also see how the community comes together,” Mysko said. “It’s a terrible thing that she did, but there were also consequences.”
Eating disorders, a focus

Healthy body image is the focus of NEAD and Eating Disorder Hope.

Eating disorders are caused for numerous reasons, according to Mysko and Karges.

“A person who struggles with an eating disorder is influenced by many different factors, including biological and environmental factors,” Karges said.

Body shaming can be a part of that equation.

“It’s not that body shaming causes eating disorders, but it can amplify the thoughts,” Mysko said. “It triggers the same kinds of thoughts that are driving the eating disorder and we need to condemn them.”

According to NEDA, in the United States, 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some time in their lives. These include anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, or another specified feeding or eating disorder,

Roughly 65 percent of people with eating disorders say bullying contributed to their condition, according to a report by Beat, an eating disorder charity in the United Kingdom. The survey also found that 49 percent were less than 10 years old when the bullying started and many stated that the effects had stayed with them into their 40s and 50s"

TooLittleSleep · 07/03/2019 15:39

ShePut, I do understand. My point is just that I believe that Buffalo is in a world of pain (understandably) and any mention of her DD must be done in a very sensitive way, also online. If I believed my DD was dying, I might inadvertently post too much information, that would not mean that I not would be incredibly hurt by negative comments. Whatever specific circumstances there is, this will be thoroughly investigated together with her DD’s doctors.

On a general note, I agree with Emerald. I think there are very complex issues surrounding eating disorders, including possibly genetic ones. However, I believe that if someone is predisposed to an eating disorder, fat shaming or online media could send you over the edge.

Of course we should all eat healthy and exercise and this should somehow be emphasised. It is sad if parents for some reason are unable to model this for their children, maybe society need to do something. However, given the extreme sensitivity of the issue, I think it is very dangerous to generalise. If you are overweight due to steroids, due to lack or knowledge, due to lack of time/money, emotional issues or indeed laziness, the way to deal with it should be vastly different I think.

TooLittleSleep · 07/03/2019 15:40
  • also genetic ones
TooLittleSleep · 07/03/2019 15:53

Cross post Helena. I hadn’t read this article, I do agree with it

ShePutTheHamsterWhere · 07/03/2019 16:09

Toolittle*

I don't think I said anything unkind. Merely stating my observations for the example given.

As I said, I wish the girl well, I hope she can recover and live a healthy life where this doesn't blight her.

Buffalo has chosen to share and comment, somewhat aggressively and posters have given feedback, opinion and kind words. No one has been unnecessarily rude or aggressive back.

We all have our demons and hardships. If you choose to put them online, you give the OK to others to comment.

I wasn't being unkind at all, I merely said that it was clear that her daughter had never had a healthy relationship with food and that some much early interventions and educations (for the whole family!!) could've help.

But, thanks for your telling off.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 07/03/2019 16:12

@ShePutTheHamsterWhere well if you're using her daughter as an example at least bother to read all the info. The daughter wasn't "fat" because of an unhealthy relationship with food or overeating,it's because she'd been on steroids and has a chronic condition. Nice bit of assumption there though about her being fat ,even when the facts were here for you to read.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 07/03/2019 16:15

Fast food was not offered on medical recommendation, she was overweight from steroids from birth, which she was weaned off.

She was overweight due to steriods for a chronic health issue

ShePutTheHamsterWhere · 07/03/2019 16:15

Her mum said she was fat and she wanted her 'fat' little girl back.

Not a positive body image....is it supposed to sound like it because she didn't say she thought she should be skinny?

Aside from this example....my point was, education around food, portion control, being able to have a treat and not feel guilty, being able to source and prepare foods and POSITIVE BODY IMAGE....are important from a young age.

PassTheGinPlease · 07/03/2019 16:17

Are you my sister in law?
I was a size 8/10 in my younger days but have PCOS so find it very hard not to be a size 16. I also bloat at certain points of the month upto a 18.
I eat a carb free diet. I dont smoke. I don't drink. I don't eat processed foods and I rarely eat sweets, desserts or crisps. I walk everywhere bar doing my shopping.
Still can't lose weight off my tummy though.
YABVVU and frankly I'm sick of naturally slim women like you and sis in law making me feel like a fat cow who shovels food in because I'm the size I am.

HelenaDove · 07/03/2019 16:20

What is worrying me and dosnt seem to have occurred to some on here is that God forbid Buffalos daughter should need steroids again i should imagine she may well refuse to take them again.

TooLittleSleep · 07/03/2019 16:59

ShePut, let’s agree to disagree about Buffalo.

On your general point on education around health and food - and a positive body image, I couldn’t agree more. It just has to come together with an awareness that body sizes can differ due various reasons, some medical.

As an example of the risk of poor education... when my DD was little, I noticed that she was a bit larger than most of her friends. I looked at the weight and height chart for her age and saw that she was two weight curves above her height curve. As a result, we walked slightly more, skipped sweetened yoghurts, any drinks except water, increases vegetable intake etc. She never noticed a thing and is now on approximately the same height and weight curve two years down the line. These were minor changes.

One of my friends kept sabotaging this and gave my DD lots of unhealthy treats and food on every single play date, drove me nuts. I had told her what I was doing and that I was trying to limit treats to weekends. Now her DD (who she fed the same crap) has received a letter that she is overweight and she controls her portions and shouts at her if she tries to eat more. I feel very sorry for the little girl.

ShePutTheHamsterWhere · 07/03/2019 17:11

Toolittle

Sounds like you did an ideal job with your daughter when you initially noticed a potential issue.

BuffaloFluffalo · 07/03/2019 17:13

This is Buffalo. I deregged, but have returned briefly to reply/defend myself.

MY DAUGHTER HAD BEEN IN YEARS OF STEROIDS. SHE PUT ON QUITE A LOT OF WEIGHT DUE TO STEROIDS.

I fed her a normal mix of a weekly or so fast food or restaurant meal, healthy average portions, snacks when she wanted them. My other kids are not and have never been overweight. I struggled to lose baby weight, and dieted, I guess that makes me even more judged, huh. Steroids mean you gain weight, no matter what you damn well eat.

And fact of the matter is, no matter what I.say, Hamster and others like her, will twist it, ignore facts and be cruel.

Fat is not bad. And its noone else's business.

After being fat shamed by others, and after she was weaned off steroids, we cut out all fast food, so called unhealthy food, and adjusted portion sizes. She went down to a healthy weight. Im not perfect, but I fed her a normal childhood diet. Its not my damn fault.

My comment to her that I wanted my fat daughter back was in response to a constant message from her that she wouldn't follow her refeeding plan because she would get fat. That fat was so fearful to her, as was other peoples judgement, she would not comply. Hamster proved my point...her posts are dripping with venomous, hurtful, ill informed judgement. I got a taste of what my daughter is scared of.

I'll say it again, the OP should keep her nose out of other peoples weight and body shape. Its damaging to others.

BuffaloFluffalo · 07/03/2019 17:14

As for oversharing, I read posts on mumsnet about Every thing from vibrators, to family crises. But im not allowed my opinion?

ShePutTheHamsterWhere · 07/03/2019 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 07/03/2019 17:26

No,you were just lazy and didn't bother to check facts right under your nose and instead assumed and insisted the daughter was fat due to her diet and an unhealthy relationship with food.

TooLittleSleep · 07/03/2019 17:33

ShePut, thank you. Hopefully I did a good job (I did my best), but it was partially driven by my own experience.

I was bullied when I was little. I was slightly chubby, but nowhere near overweight. However, I was told I was the heaviest in my class by the school nurse. I believe that my ED, although actually due to other reasons, was triggered by unkind comments about my weight. I was really ill and is very lucky to be well now.

As I have read that there is a genetic component to ED and that children of sufferers are at significantly higher risk, I was terrified that my DD would be triggered by unkind comments about her weight. I was lucky that there were no medical reasons for her weight, that I had the experience I had (extensive nutrition knowledge sort of comes with an ED) and a psychology degree. Not everyone is so lucky...

ShePutTheHamsterWhere · 07/03/2019 17:34

Sarcasm- your attitude is also pretty shit.
It seems the ones with the victim mentality and poor us look at our problems viewpoints, are the most passive aggressive and rude.

My point was about early education, body positivity and a good relationship with food.

I didn't proof read every single post because I am busy, as I'm sure many of us are.
You haven't actually commented anything helpful? Just commented on other people's viewpoints and opinions, which we are entitled to.

ShePutTheHamsterWhere · 07/03/2019 17:37

Toolittle

My food issues were not the result of bullying but of needing something to control because of childhood abuse. I could control my intake of food and see fast results.

Luckily, that has passed and because I am a mum, is strive to set a good example. My children are all boys also, which is a whole other kettle of fish as EDs and body dysmorphia are almost taboo subjects when it comes to boys.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 07/03/2019 17:51

I know... I'm a dick.

Alicatz66 · 07/03/2019 21:11

I think you're kind of asking for trouble here OP!!! ..... but I know where you're coming from .. it ain't rocket science is it ..you stuff your face with junk food and you are going to gain weight ! .. Your viewpoint isn't going to be popular and you will be labelled as a fat shamer ... a PP commented that if you have kids and hit middle age you won't be a size 10 ... I am .. I'm not a smug fat shamer , I just eat a healthy diet and exercise . ... equally I don't give a fig what anyone else eats or weighs ...everyone has a different shape and weight that is their own set point ... everyone has a different relationship with food ...