MIL makes comments about my weight 😡

[Noyourenot]

I’m not overly large (UK size 14 and 5ft 8in) but compared to the ILs I am. They are all short and tiny apart from SIL who is my height and about a size 10.

I am sick of the comments. MIL always compares me to SIL but she has a completely different figure, no bust or hips. I don’t want to say anything because MIL is the type if she knows she’s got to you she’ll do it even more, but I want her to stop. (I’ve told DH not to say anything for this reason, though she tends not to do it in front of him or in a way it goes over his head. One of the first times she ever did it was in front of DH and he said something so she’s more sneaky now).

It’s got to the stage where I don’t like to eat anything in front of her because she’ll make comments.

AIBU if I just stop seeing her? It would mean DH wouldn’t see his parents as much as I am the one that makes arrangements and I’m certainly not setting up play dates for him and his mother! So he just wouldn’t bother.

Then let DH not bother.

Stop making arrangements. His family his arrangements to make. If he doesn’t bother then that’s on him.

Don’t make any arrangements, just leave it to your DH and if he doesn’t arrange anything then that’s his/their issue not yours. He’s obviously not that bothered about seeing them either and you will be a winner!

Yeah just don't see her. If he chooses not to that's his choice.

I agree, stop contacting her. If she asks why then tell her straight that you don't appreciate her bitchy comments about your weight.

People like this get away with it because nobody challenges them. What's the worst thing that can happen? She carries on and you go LC and preserve your mental health. If your dh doesn't like it he can speak to his mother about it. If you put up with it nothing will change

Good luck

YANBU If MIL gets in touch to arrange something you can decide then if you want to be involved.

What kind of things will she say, OP? Is she subtle or more direct with it?
You don’t have to spend time or make an effort with anyone who makes you feel that way - regardless if you’re related to them or not.

Yes, let him not bother.

Also, you’re not obliged to put up with rudeness from your mil. Of course we should seek to foster good relations but I don’t think being effectively insulted is in that remit.

You’re an adult and have every right to tell her you don’t like it. You don’t have to be aggressive, just say, “I don’t like it when you comment on my weight. I find it rude. Please don’t do it.”
Say it with dh present so no one can misinterpret your words or manner. If she flies off the handle your dh will see it. If she persists with the comments your dh will know his mum’s out of order.

Don’t sit there taking her shit. Expose it and refuse to accept it.

My aunt is weight obsessed. She came to see me and my twins when they were first born and ACTUALLY CRIED in front of me because, and I quote, 'you had such a lovely figure, you used to look like a princess (?!?) and your stomach will never be the same now.'

I didn't comment!

The best, and hardest thing to do would be to respond to the next comment, " I realise you don't mean to hurt me when you comment on my weight, but it does, and I would rather you didn't make personal comments"

That’s just nasty-I wouldn’t be seeing her and I’d tell him why!

I’d give her one chance, let DH tell her to pack it in or she won’t be seeing much of you going forward.

Then hold good your promise. She might well make comments about how over sensitive you are but if she has been told in words of one syllable that it’s upsetting and rude then she can’t complain later.

My mother did it recently at a meal to a kind relation and was genuinely baffled when I called her on it later. She then agreed that maybe she shouldn’t have said anything because ‘he can be a bit huffy.’

Life is too short to let some horrible person make you miserable, stop making arrangements, and if she starts the next time you see her just ask her what her issue is.

No your not being unreasonable op.
My mil is the same she pokes fun at my weight and looks.
I’m 5’4 and a size 12-14 and I’m curvy ( big boobs and bum) but I liked my figure until they get and her husband started making digs. There horrible and I stopped going around and now they have asked dh why and apparently his mothers upset. Couldn’t give a fuck should maybe start acting her age instead of a spiteful teenage girl. If they are toxic just stay away you have no pressure to sit around people who put you down x

Use your husband’s lack of organisation to your advantage. Don’t make any arrangements and enjoy being able to have pudding now and again without a raised eyebrow from MIL. When he twigs it’s been a while since you’ve seen her, tell him he’s a grown man who can ring his own mother, but you’re not organising a visit just to hear digs about your appearance in return.

Take a big step backwards and make her feel the frosty gap she's created. People can be so thoughtless and shit sometimes

It's not up to you to manage your DH's meetings with his mother. End all that nonsense for a start. Next time she does make a statement about your weight respond calmly and clearly (but firmly) 'I am tired of you commenting on my weight and I want it to stop right now. Do you understand?'

Have you ever replied when she says it?

Just ask her straight up why she is saying unkind things and trying to shame you about your body

Say it public ally and call her out

Tell her to fuck off.

You don't need say anything else just get super close so she hears you and there's no missed words or crossed lines

GET. FUCKED.

Must be a mil/mother thing. I have put on 2.5st in the last two years which puts me in a UK 10/12 size. I run 2/3 times per week. Calorie count - max of 1210 per day. Mil (who is probably a UK 18/20) always comments on how big my bum or thighs are. Pisses me off because she knows it's due to the fact they are still playing with my meds for underactive thyroid, and she also knows I am really sensitive about it.

I'd shame her and reply 'well your son certainly likes my fat arse and tits' 😂😂 Doubt she'll answer back 😂😂

I'm not thin but I am slimmer than the women in my DPs family. My MIL always comments about how thin I am in front of Sils. I'm mortified.

I don't have to do anything else but weigh less than them to be a success.

It's distressing and embarrassing for everybody.

@JayneyMc4 😂I’m using that one!

Back away.. Have you got dc? Better you know the true mil now.
Toxic.

I get this too and in my case I think most of DH's family (females anyway) having issues with food. They do things like overfeeding everyone else, so more complex and also with comments about how fat / how they feel so 'full' - commenting about if you have got thinner (when you haven't) or you looking 'well'

What I've found is it often comes from them, and how they feel. so I tend to ignore it, for now. But it is hurtful