MIL makes comments about my weight 😡

[Noyourenot]

I’m not overly large (UK size 14 and 5ft 8in) but compared to the ILs I am. They are all short and tiny apart from SIL who is my height and about a size 10.

I am sick of the comments. MIL always compares me to SIL but she has a completely different figure, no bust or hips. I don’t want to say anything because MIL is the type if she knows she’s got to you she’ll do it even more, but I want her to stop. (I’ve told DH not to say anything for this reason, though she tends not to do it in front of him or in a way it goes over his head. One of the first times she ever did it was in front of DH and he said something so she’s more sneaky now).

It’s got to the stage where I don’t like to eat anything in front of her because she’ll make comments.

AIBU if I just stop seeing her? It would mean DH wouldn’t see his parents as much as I am the one that makes arrangements and I’m certainly not setting up play dates for him and his mother! So he just wouldn’t bother.

Just don't bother anymore. Bet he won't bother, either. Sorted.

Ha - DH arranges all contact we have with his family for similar reasons but more to do with SIL than MIL. He’s hopeless at it and basically maintains he’s too busy for us to go and visit (they live a couple oh hours away). We didn’t see SIL for about 15 years which suited me fine 🤣

Next time just say "Is everything ok, MIL? You seem overly concerned about my body and my health. What are you specifically worried about?? I can assure you that I am fit and well, and if I have any concerns I will see my GP".

My exMIL was like this . Before DC i was size 8 then after I was size 10-12 but still ( I thought ) looked absolutely fine . She went on and on about my weight , never offering me a biscuit or cake . The final straw was when we are out for a meal and she told exH to take my plate away as I was eating too much !
I never saw her again. Ever .

You have my sympathies and I agree with previous commenters who advise going LC and/or straightforwardly calling her out on her rudeness.

My dear now departed dad used to make similar comments, not about my weight, as I was slim, but about other aspects of my appearance, eg crooked teeth, too-pale skin, wrong hairstyle or clothes, spots, etc. For years I didn't react but finally as a bolshie teenager I'd had enough and the next time he did it, I responded by picking apart various aspects of his appearance: "Yes I know my nose is red, thanks for pointing that out. And did you realise that your nose is actually very big, so big it's ugly, and that you have a beer gut?"

I am not recommending this as a course of action with your MIL -- in my case it was my hitback after years of psychological abuse and I did it in a state of controlled fury, when I was still immature. I now realise I was sinking to his level and thus I think it's not the right way to deal with these things.

Perhaps suprisingly though, my outburst did work on my DD. He went quiet, looked as if I'd winded him with a punch to the solar plexus, and dialled down the nasty comments!

A wee tip.
If she makes a sly comment, simply look directly at her and clearly ask her to repeat it. “Sorry, what was that?” If she has to say it again her rudeness will be laid bare.
If she tries to sweep it away, “Oh nothing, never mind.”, persist! “No please say it again, I didn’t hear you.” Impassively watch her flap.

Don’t keep her shittiness under wraps. Expose it. Make her accountable.

Assume a fake concerned manner and ask her if her obsession with weight is due to an eating disorder or some kind of childhood trauma.

I know you don't want to bring it up with her, but seriously OP, don't let her talk to you this way. You can stop facilitating contact between your DH for a start, and stop seeing her yourself. But I would have to say something. She is a bully. The way to deal with bully's is to stand up to them. Good luck

I think you MIL should not be making comments on your weight or comparing you with your SIL. Do not let that bother you or she is winning. My MIL is a witch and is obsessed about this too and social pressure. There was a time I used to get upset but now I do not have any respect for her or what she can think of me.

My father in law always made comments about my weight when I was a size 12. Thunder thighs, said people would think I was Nessie on a trip to Lock Ness, I’d need a tape worm the size of an anaconda to get thin, do I NEED a pudding? etc. He is dick. He will always be a dick. I am me and fat or thin he doesn’t matter. His weight comments are because him and his wife are so concerned with maintaining their weight. I’d rather be fat than have half a tin of soup for lunch and a huge list of “no foods”. I answer him back. In a way that I smile like it’s a joke but really it’s a rude,

Weirdly I went up to a size 20 and he never once commented on my weight.

either stop listening to her or something along the lines of "here we go again (with a woeful shake of the head!) with the same old chestnut! How are your piles doing MIL?! Make her out to be the joke she is.My mum says all sorts to me and i just tune out OP cos i have heard it all before and the problem is hers and not mine so I just ignore and she really doesnt like it but wont do anything about it!!

How is in-law-icide not more of a thing?

I had a consultant appointment when pregnant with DC3 because I was worried baby wasn't growing properly. Consultant breezed in and declared without even saying hello in that patronising way they have that I was a perfect size for dates.

I explained that I had been worried because every one had been saying to me how tiny I was.

He said: "What - even your mother in law?"

I had to laugh at that because he was right, my lovely lovely MIL who I loved dearly (& she lived me) HAD been saying "ooh Balloon l, you are a size."

What does she actually say?

I honestly think some people don't realise how hurtful they're being with these kind of comments. How on earth they think this I don't know, but within families this kind of low-level sniping seems to be very common. My own DM and DSis do it all the time and can't understand why anyone would be offended because, they claim, they wouldn't be if similar comments were made to them. My FIL always made comments about my SIL (his DD)'s weight. She was reduced to tears on many an occasion and even missed out on her own birthday dinner due to his hurtful comments, yet he felt completely justified, because he felt that she wasn't aware that she was overweight and needed to have it pointed out for her own good. Lack of self-awareness, selfishness and bullying is rife. I call it out if I encounter it and either you do that or you just completely avoid her - which one you do is up to you - but I definitely wouldn't be making arrangements to see her.

Just dont go round and dont engage. My ex-MIL was a silly cow, so I just stopped going round. If your OH wants to see her/the family then fine.

Just tell her you don't like the comments - you could add in STFU

If you withdraw over 'fat comments' you'll go down in history as sensitive and probably ....fat!

Just make light of it and say ''oh! are we doing this again?! we're doing this again! It's call me out on my weight o'clock!'' Five past I'm not think like all of ye''.

Do it with a calm but steely smile.

My mother is a bit like this. She thought Taylor Swift had ''big thighs''

Even if you adored his family it wouldn’t be your job to organise meeting up with them. It’s interesting he’s not bothered, maybe he knows what they’re really like and prefers not to have to deal with them.

Stop letting it slide, you’re trying to be easy going and you’re the one suffering while she gets to have her fun and insult you. It’s fucking rude and out of order. Draw a line today, tell yourself you’re no one’s social secretary and you have a right to be spoken to with kindness and respect. You owe no one who is rude to you anything. I wouldn’t make an announcement I’d just stop making and plans and free yourself of unpleasant people and their issues. You know it’s them not you but you don’t have to put up with it.

She sounds horrible! I would certainly stop making arrangements to see her - let your husband make the effort - or not. She has no right to try to make you feel uncomfortable in this way. Stay well away. If she rings and asks why, be completely honest, but also explain that you’ve left the meeting arrangements to her son now. Stay strong and dignified - as you have been, it seems.

Gosh, went away for an hour and all these responses! Thank you. Will read now!

Your mother in law sound like a jealous bully. I would absolutely stop bothering to make arrangements. Leave her relationship with her son to them to sort out. It's not worth getting upset over some weird, jealous and bitter woman

If your DH won't bother then that's his and his mother's problem, not yours.

Stop your contact. If it does ever come up and you are confronted, just tell her straight, you don't like her constantly being rude and insulting you so you have decided to put an end to it.

I used to be a skinny little thing. I had a lovely figure. Now looking back I realise I should have had more fun, been more confident and actually realised how nice it was being slim (and healthier). But I'm now a 14/16 but have actually never been happier. I'm much more self-confident (though I don't show any flesh), I'm more comfortable with my husband in bed and I may be less healthy but I'm more content with my life. So screw your judgemental MIL. You don't need the negativity.

each time she compares you both say "oh MIL SIL looks fine stop making her feel self conscious" or " yes i know i have a fat ass, i would tell you how haggard you are looking lately but i have far too much class to ever comment on someone elses appearance"

Just say, “oh I know, your son loves having something to squeeze.” Then wink 😉