MIL makes comments about my weight 😡

[Noyourenot]

I’m not overly large (UK size 14 and 5ft 8in) but compared to the ILs I am. They are all short and tiny apart from SIL who is my height and about a size 10.

I am sick of the comments. MIL always compares me to SIL but she has a completely different figure, no bust or hips. I don’t want to say anything because MIL is the type if she knows she’s got to you she’ll do it even more, but I want her to stop. (I’ve told DH not to say anything for this reason, though she tends not to do it in front of him or in a way it goes over his head. One of the first times she ever did it was in front of DH and he said something so she’s more sneaky now).

It’s got to the stage where I don’t like to eat anything in front of her because she’ll make comments.

AIBU if I just stop seeing her? It would mean DH wouldn’t see his parents as much as I am the one that makes arrangements and I’m certainly not setting up play dates for him and his mother! So he just wouldn’t bother.

Nobody is perfect. Love yourself.

“I bought everyone Christmas pyjamas but did not get you any because I didn’t think they’d fit”. I don’t say anything to her, I mean what can you say to that sort of comment?

If you honestly can't think of anything to reply at the time, just ask her to repeat herself/explain what she means and watch her make a fool of herself. She's getting away with it because you say nothing

What exactly does this vile cow look like herself? Honestly just tell her to fuck off. Your DH should have said something long ago instead of letting her belittle you.

“To sum up, the sort of thing she says is “I bought everyone Christmas pyjamas but did not get you any because I didn’t think they’d fit”. I don’t say anything to her, I mean what can you say to that sort of comment?”

“What do you mean?”

Make her spell it out.

I used to have a colleague who would constantly make comments about my weight.
I thought about it so I had my response ready for the next attack which was.... " X, there are many personal derogatory comments I could make about your appearance, but I don't because unlike yourself I am a polite and extremely kind person who would not dream of upsetting, unecessarilly another person who has only ever treated me with kindness and respect"
She went scarlet, and I think the effect on her was more so because I was so calm when I said it and I wasn't nasty to her.

furryjammies To be honest they are not a very good looking family. Except for DH! (People often say he “got all the looks”) so perhaps there is some jealousy there.

I bought everyone Christmas pyjamas but did not get you any because I didn’t think they’d fit”. I don’t say anything to her, I mean what can you say to that sort of comment?”

I'd be replying ; 'Are you trying to imply I am fat or are you tying to imply I am not really a member of the family?'

Sarcasm? 'why yes you'd probably be right there. I have to buy two pairs and sew them together and even then it's a stretch' and then blow your cheeks out and waddle from side to side.

dont keep her shittiness under wraps is a wonderful comment.
Expose her, pull her up on it. Don’t just sit their taking it.
Let your dh arrange meet ups and if she asks why you stopped tell her.
People keep getting away with this shit until they are called out on it

I would publicly call her out

An aunt of my XH's made a comment on my weight once (when we had gone miles out of our way to visit her when we were on holiday) she poked me in the belly and said 'Ooh try not to beef up too much K, you're getting big'. - I was recovering from a huge life threatening abdominal operation at the time and frankly was doing well to walk around let alone worry that my belly was post op saggy.

I had anorexia as a young adult and when I recovered in my mid thirties I decided I would have zero tolerance for anyone who made negative remarks about my weight or appearance. It is never necessary to comment on someone's size - be they big or small.

I never saw said aunt again - xh visited her on his own from then on - my stance is that I protect myself from people who may harm my wellbeing whether by what they say or what they do - I am the champion of me.

Don't have contact with your MIL -she's hurting you, deliberately.
If your Dh wants to see her then he makes his own arrangements - and however disrganize someone is, IMO if they want to see someone they can managed it, so I would say your husbands's disorganization around meeting his Mum is deliberate on some level. Doesn't sound as if she'll be any great loss from your lives.

How rude. Where do people get off in behaving like this? In nobody's universe could this be deemed polite in a million years, so the only logical conclusion has to be that they do it deliberately to cause discomfiture for other people.

I'd try three things. First, leave DH to make all arrangements, and if he doesn't, they don't happen. Stop responding to messages from her, and if possible change your number.

1. I quite like the repetition tactic, so every time she makes a comment about your weight say 'could you repeat that please?' And if she does, say 'I thought that's what you said. It's surprising people think it's OK to make such rude, personal comments about someone else's appearance'. And do this every time.

1. If neither of these options work, disengage.

YANBU. Rude people like this make my blood boil.

If your Dh wants to see her then he makes his own arrangements - and however disrganize someone is, IMO if they want to see someone they can managed it, so I would say your husbands's disorganization around meeting his Mum is deliberate on some level. Doesn't sound as if she'll be any great loss from your lives.

Exactly I bet he doesn't forget to arrange things he enjoys.

Agree, stop making the arrangements, she might get the message

You say that you haven't said anything to her about it , and you have asked DH not to raise it with her either.

It seems strange to consider ceasing contact with a family member over a problem that you have not even raised with her.

Wouldn't the best thing be to be completely frank, direct and straightforward in a calm non-confrontational way -- "MIL, I often feel quite hurt about comments you make relating to my weight/figure. Could you stop please?"

If she can't respond constructively to that, then you might have a case for avoiding her.

I think if I said anything to MIL in a firm
vouce, told her off in any way, she would go out of her way to be worse.
So I think I’ll just stop going .

Well you know her best. So definitely stop arranging the meet ups (can't imagine a husband taking this duty upon himself!) and maybe she'll realise you don't have to be some passive bystander in her body shaming shenanigans.

What do you mean by that MIL?
But what do you mean?
What is it you're trying to say?
And why do you say that?

Just keep acting dumb, with an amused, but bemused, look on your face. Watch her sweat. This also works with racist 'jokes' and other forms of 'oh I was only joking' comments. Make her explain herself in minute detail, and when you've had enough, dismiss her with a 'huh' and a 'I don't really get it, but you're not funny' look on your face. Even better if you can sashay (and one must always sashay in these circumstances!!) out of the room, shaking your head, straight afterwards!

Or don't arrange visits and decline all invitations (for you anyway) from her. It sounds as if DH isn't that fussed about seeing her. I can see why if she's shitty to his wife. Of course, this presents the DH problem, as he should speak up and defend you...
I'd have a bit of fun then avoid. Plus your figure sounds lovely. Fuck her!

say to her that if she continues to make personal remarks you wont be going to see her again. say it quietly, out of earshot of erevyone, politely but meanly.
shell know that means seeling less of her DS.

Or, sidle up to her just as you're leaving, as if to kiss her, then call her a cunt in a quiet voice that only she can hear, with a nice polite smile (like you're her best buddy) on your face!
Deny all knowledge of doing this afterwards!

I am, of course, joking, before anyone gets huffy!!

Wow. I'd not entertain this for a minute. Either go NC (always a preference with ILs) or if you have to see her, take pleasure in asking her if she's "feeling okay at the moment because she's looking so frail and tired"... She'll HATE that, women hate being told they look tired! 😈

😄 I would love to say that to my MIL @sequinafortune

Or better still "the years aren't being kind to you are they DMIL? You need to slow down a bit" 😅

Whenever she says something about your weight, say something about her not aging well. Every single time. She’ll soon stop.

If she doesn’t, tell her you won’t be coming back. And make sure she knows it is you who organises DH’s visits so if she wants to see him she needs to kick his arse.

I wouldn’t just stop because, if he depends on you to make arrangements, it will become that you have stopped him seeing her.