MIL makes comments about my weight 😡

[Noyourenot]

I’m not overly large (UK size 14 and 5ft 8in) but compared to the ILs I am. They are all short and tiny apart from SIL who is my height and about a size 10.

I am sick of the comments. MIL always compares me to SIL but she has a completely different figure, no bust or hips. I don’t want to say anything because MIL is the type if she knows she’s got to you she’ll do it even more, but I want her to stop. (I’ve told DH not to say anything for this reason, though she tends not to do it in front of him or in a way it goes over his head. One of the first times she ever did it was in front of DH and he said something so she’s more sneaky now).

It’s got to the stage where I don’t like to eat anything in front of her because she’ll make comments.

AIBU if I just stop seeing her? It would mean DH wouldn’t see his parents as much as I am the one that makes arrangements and I’m certainly not setting up play dates for him and his mother! So he just wouldn’t bother.

Try your best to avoid her and limit contact as much as reasonably possible.

My ex MIL does this to my 15 year old DS who is ASD. She doesn't see him very often as he doesn't want to go round to see her, she always remarks about his weight & the length of his hair. He is very conscious of his size but due to his ASD he doesn't have a full button & very easily overeats. His length of hair is his choice, he is growing it ready to have a new style. She has never accepted his diagnosis of ASD & totally ignores the fact that he suffers from anxiety & depression, she has now started the trick of withholding his birthday & Christmas money unless he visits. He says he hates visiting because all she does is moan about his weight & slag me off to him. I know she is getting old now & her health isn't good (she is terminally ill with Fibrosis of the lungs) but she isn't doing her cause any good.

My mil is an evil old bitch, too. Previous comments have included likening my thighs to turkey's legs and the latest was when a friend was visiting her and commented that it looked like I'd lost weight, at which point mil piped up, "oh no, you should see her from behind". I allowed a very long silence to fall, to fully let it sink in, just how rude she'd been, told my DH and been LC ever since.
I quite enjoy using the long silence, also the repeating back to her, 'to clarify', but I most enjoy, never having to see her.

God I'd have trouble not taking her on with this.

Re. The pyjamas... And why's that, MIL? Why wouldnt they fit? Hmmmmmmm??

Fuck me alargegin, they really take the cake, don't they?

My MIL Is French and often loves to berate my French, oh my verbs are conjugated properly, I do realise I can't speak proper French, don't I?

I just give her 'the look' and swear at her in broad Lancashire in my head

I'd just stop going OP.

Wouldn't be arsed commenting to MIL, wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

You're an adult, you don't have to put up with this shit.

SurgeHopper The stupid thing was DH’s fit me so I’m sure they would have had a women’s pair (tops were the same, men’s had a fly) in the same size. She wanted me to be excluded and get a dig in. DH wouldn’t even wear his.

Posted too soon. What she was getting at was that hers and SILs were the same size and they wouldn’t fit me. But they didn’t fit her either because she’s only about 5 ft and sonshw would have had to take them up!

I'm sorry OP but you need to stay d up to this.

She's a bully and bullies get away with it because nobody challenges them. Often, when called out they'll lose all their confidence and bullishness.

Next snide remark should be met with "can you run that by me again, it's sounded an awful lot like a childish jibe at my weight, which by the way I'm perfectly happy with and is frankly absolutely none of your business" finished off with a stoney faced stare and let her break the silence even if it lasts a long time.

Don't let her get away with this OP.

*stand up to this

ikurri* my stance is that I protect myself from people who may harm my wellbeing whether by what they say or what they do - I am the champion of me.

Yes I’m going to do this.

AlphaNumericalSequence

”MIL, I often feel quite hurt about comments you make relating to my weight/figure. Could you stop please?"

She would do it all the more.

It isn’t my place to teach her manners, she should know.

Gosh. She much live a horrible life. Imagine what kind of person you must be if you're spending every moment with someone preparing yourself to take every opportunity to say something upsetting to them. And the time and effort and negative energy that goes in to the planned things like the pyjama incident. It's just really sad.

I think the best thing you can do in response is to ignore her. She can see you having a nice happy time through being kind to people and maybe she will learn something from your example. (We can all dream can't we?!)

I'm a size 8 and my FIL whenever he sees me he tells me I gained weight. I never do, I'm the same every bloody time. I just laugh and Ignore

Yep, my MIL is weight obsessed! Told me and my DH on Christmas eve while wearing our Christmas pjs with the kids that we'd both piled on the pounds, then boxing day told me another relative had asked her if I was pregnant and rather than keep it to herself and answer no, she told me what was said as if to stir up the point even more! Fair enough I'd put weight on and other relative quietly asking someone closer to me if I was pregnant wasn't the issue, the fact my MIL was desperate to tell me and I was cooking her dinner made me . She is naturally short and slim (an over active thyroid making sure that is the case!), and so seems intent on making comments about anyone either in person, talking about other relatives or even people on tv about their weight! DH has tried to make light of what she says with her to tell her to stop but she's just obsessed! OP I completely sympathise! I have no idea what goes through their minds to think it's ok to pass such judgement on others, and be so open about it!!

I have every sympathy. Upon seeing me after giving birth whilst also suffering a chest infection, the first thing my MIL told me was that I 'looked the colour of boiled shite' (not sure if this is a scouse saying but for those who are not familiar with it, it's not a compliment!) She also told me that BIL, who was a teenage boy at the time so could be forgiven for asking, asked her when my stomach would go back to normal after having the baby. I'm not sure why she felt the need to tell me that, even if he'd asked her, she could have kept it to herself.

I was younger and more squishable then. If she said it now, I'd pull her up on it.

My own mother used to do this. I lived at the other end of the country, yet every time she saw me, I'd apparently put on weight, and later she would offer me clothes which she's bought but which were "way too big" for her. It's not nice and it's an insecurity thing on their part. I'm a 12-14 , by the way.

Grow a spine.

You don't have to use a lot of words to call her out each and every time. You don't even have to look at her when you do it.

Your reasoning re telling your H not to say anything is flawed. Let him tell her off, she deserves it.

So what if she knows it's 'getting' to you? She's being offensive and you're letting her get away with it why, exactly?

I do understand as women we really are conditioned to keep the peace, and with an elder family member we don't always want to confront. But when it goes too far as an adult you have to put a stop to it.

I'd have had her ears ringing by now. I can't stand women who shame other women especially when it's to do with physical appearance.

I would just ask her directly what her problem is, or her point?

She won't be able to defend herself, and if she tries to, you can say, I think you're becoming a bit obsessed with this.

MistressDeeCee

I have grown a spine, I’ve blocked her. Had enough! She’s the nastiest person in my life, can’t bothered anymore 🙂

I favour a PPs suggestion of countering with faux concern about how tired and old she is looking herself...lay it on with a trowel!

Ah tell her to go boil her head.

chocatoo I’m just not the type. I could probably do it once but to do it over and over, the stress would be worse than putting up with her comments.

Nope, reading here today has shown me that it’s something I shouldn’t be putting up with, so I’m not. I’m walking away. Loads have people have no contact with their ILs, I’ll just be another kne.

Meanwhile MIL and FIL are posting FB pictures of their huge Sunday lunches in their local destination pub without a care in the world. Blocked now (can MIL tell?) so I won’t have to see them even online.

She will only tell.if she looks for you and you aren't there.

If you do have to be in her company I'd buy yourself some six inch heels and when she talks to you bend down with your hands on your knees and say 'sorry, what did you day?' Make her repeat it, not so cutting when you have to say something spiteful twice. Bet she doesn't like you towering over her, poisoness little mare.

Yanbu

I have had all manner of comments for years. I'm a whale, I'm a pig, you need a forklift truck to lift me up... All done with a steely smile of course.

Dh always defended her. Always. Hence he is soon to be exdh...