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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my nephew is dangerous?

293 replies

bumsandtums · 02/03/2019 21:12

I love my nephew with all my heart. He is 11 and lives with my sister who is his mother.

We are a very close family & he spends time with my family on a weekly basis. We love having him here and my children & husband are besotted with him.

Over the years starting since he was 7 various claims have been made.
It started with several claims that family members had said malicious or hurtful things to him when they hadn't. He even said to my sister that I had called him a 'waste of space'. Which obviously was not true. It then progressed to claims that people had nibbed/pinched him and that my children and his grandmother and grandfather were constantly poking and harassing him.

The family as a whole tried to nip this in the bud as soon as possible as eventually the family and my sisters friends were afraid to spend time with him alone.

In September 2018 he claimed that my sisters best friend who has babysat him regularly for his whole life threw him down the stairs. It (obviously) launched weeks worth of investigation and pain until he eventually admitted after weeks of pain for everyone involved that it was not true. He had fallen down accidently after not hanging onto the rain and she was only there to help and bring him to hospital.

Nomatter the claims we have tried to believe him each time and always always tried to find the whole story.

Today he came to our house, as per usual, to play with my children. After coming home from the park we all went inside and he went back out to the car to get his wellies so he continue playing in the garden. My husband arrived home just as he was opening the car (I couldn't see any of this). He grabs the wellies, closes the door and starts to run back inside but, slips and falls forward leaving a nasty gash on his cheek and eyebrow. He runs in and immediately starts screaming that my husband punched him. The children & I are shocked.

My husband states straight away that this didn't happen and we can all check the driveway camera and my nephews story changes instantly to it didn't happen and he starts to cry realising he's been caught out.

I pack up his stuff and drive him back to his mother and explain everything and say that I can't trust him. Someday he will tell a lie that will ruin somebodys life. He's not welcome to my home and I will not let any of my children spent time with him individually. AIBU?

OP posts:
YouBumder · 02/03/2019 21:28

How does he react when he’s challenged on his lying?

What help has your sister sought until now?

YANBU

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 02/03/2019 21:29

YANBU - this is totally unacceptable.

I am amazed you still have one on one time with him (ie he was at your house today)

That kind of thing literally ruins lives - it could have broke your marriage, your husband could potentially have lost his job, the list is endless

At 11 he knows FULL WELL the consequences of such outrageous lies

keepforgettingmyusername · 02/03/2019 21:30

She needs to get him a referral to a psychologist I think

Stuckforthefourthtime · 02/03/2019 21:30

He sounds incredibly traumatised. Yanbu, but I also really really hope that your sister is seeking help for him - it does sound like he has been through something major to behave like this.

HollowTalk · 02/03/2019 21:30

He really needs professional help and I agree you need to protect yourselves by not being alone with him.

Has anyone made a list of all the things he's done? It doesn't seem as though he would be in trouble and is blaming someone else, which is what you'd expect.

Stormwhale · 02/03/2019 21:30

Yanbu, and I would be doing exactly the same. You are right that one of his lies will ruin someone's life and you need to protect yourselves. He needs help.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/03/2019 21:30

That’s chilling. What an awful day for your family but you’ve done the right thing, you have to protect your family.

Is he like this at school? What help has your sister sought to get to the bottom of his behaviour?

Gruzinkerbell1 · 02/03/2019 21:31

YANBU. Protect your family. I hope your sister kind get help for herself and her son. I'd encourage her to make a GP appointment asap.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 02/03/2019 21:31

*can!

NotTerfNorCis · 02/03/2019 21:31

That sounds like a really bad habit he's got himself in to. Like other people have said, he's either going to get an innocent person into trouble, or he won't be believed when something bad genuinely happens to him.

MitziK · 02/03/2019 21:32

YANBU.

But it sounds as though his Mum would be wise to consider putting cameras in her house, as it's not that far a leap from accusing others of doing horrible things to sobbing to the Safeguarding Lead at school that Mum beats him/his whole family abuses him especially if he's just got a detention for not doing his homework.

Without that backup (as you''ve found), it could end up with her approaching the GP/etc for concern about his lying and they have any choice but to instigate a safeguarding investigation - at least if he makes any other claims in the process (relating to her/at home) she'd have the footage.

MitziK · 02/03/2019 21:33

no choice. Or haven't any choice.

[wishes for edit function again]

zen1 · 02/03/2019 21:33

Does he do the same at school? I would be very concerned if I was his teacher.

Footle · 02/03/2019 21:35

Newser, the boy who cried wolf was not Peter.

DonaldTwain · 02/03/2019 21:36

Oh dear what a difficult situation for you all. You must protect yourselves. Keep encouraging your sister to get help for your nephew. Poor kid, he needs help badly.

thenightsky · 02/03/2019 21:36

If I were to have this child around, it would be with the understanding that one of his parents would be present 100% of the time and that he would not to be left unattended with anyone.

This ^^

nancy75 · 02/03/2019 21:36

What does he say when he’s caught out? Fors he give any reason for his lies?

CocaColaaa · 02/03/2019 21:37

I know someone whose son is like this. She has alot of involvement from SS due to the lies he tells them school.

CocaColaaa · 02/03/2019 21:37

them=the*

BMW6 · 02/03/2019 21:37

He loves people yet likes to see those same people suffer??

I can't get my hear around that.

youarenotkiddingme · 02/03/2019 21:37

There's 2 sides to this.

First one is you are correct to keep him away to protect your family. Others are right to do the same.

Second is that whilst protecting yourselves he also needs protection. All behaviour is communication. He needs professional help to find out why he's behaving this way.

Sounds really tough.

Stormwhale · 02/03/2019 21:38

@MitziK - very good point. If your sister has other children she could end up having them all taken off her if he lies about her or his dad.

hellenbackagen · 02/03/2019 21:38

Your sister desperately needs him assessing by a clinical psychologist. She needs to hammer her gps door down. ASAP.

What does he actually say for himself?

Atthebottomofthegarden · 02/03/2019 21:38

How does he react when he is caught out? Has your sister asked him why he does it?

BMW6 · 02/03/2019 21:39

Head, not hear.

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