What would you think of this text?

[Chelseajunior]

Background:
Me and dp have been together 11 years, 2 dd's.
Have just found a sent message on his phone to a number I dont know saying 'I'm in car park with Gemma'.

I have never heard of a Gemma.

I've tried calling the number on withheld but switched off.

What's the best way to challenge him on this? He's at the gym and left his phone at home. I need to know what to say when he returns in an hour.

Shall I just come out with it and put him on the spot and say 'who's gemma' as soon as he walks in?

Name changed and sorry for typo's - I'm panicking!

Also, don’t fib - nobody sends texts from their partner’s phone, it would be confusing for the person you’re texting!

It doesn't matter why she saw the text, or how.

Op, hope you get some answers from him but be prepared for the excuses. I had to wait 2 years to finally get concrete proof :(

Texting from other person's phone? Why? Then the person you texted to replies on that phone and not yours? I don't get it. Actually I agree with pp about you snooping.
We leave our phones around and use the nearest for some things, but there is a difference between "Hey I need to google smth on your phone. Mine is too far from a sofa" and "Hey, I will be texting with my mate from your phone for a while"
The latter is wierd unless you run out of credit?

The opinions on "snooping" isn't what OP asked for. Stick to what she actually asked about.

Also he could have been waiting for mates with that said Gemma to go home?
There is like gazillion of possible scenarios

He's unlikely to have left his phone at home while he is at the gym, if he had anything to hide, surely?!

I don't really see why this is particularly suspicious, although I do agree with PP that the most likely explanation is texting a dealer.

Odd that the number he sent the text to isn't saved to a contact.

If you are using each others phones then I doubt there is anything much to this.

Using each other's phones is odd though. Surely friends have your number saved on their phone as 'Jane' but then some text comes through from a random number and that could rouse suspicion with their partner?

Using my DH's phone would be weird as he doesn't have my contacts, not because I think he's having an affair.

Could Gemma be an autocorrect - gymbag? If he was texting friend to pick him up saying he was in the carpark with his bag waiting? Possible? Autocorrect or typo for something else?

DH and I will occasionally use each other’s phones. Usually if the other person’s is out of the room and we need to use the calculator, google something or book something (cinema tickets, a restaurant etc). Neither of us thinks twice. I don’t think it’s that weird, other couples we know do the same.

@slappinthebass

"I always find the lads only night out dynamic very odd and toxic."

It's a safe male space and you have an issue with it? I suspect you don't have an issue defending female spaces

Don't like it, don't go. I assume you're a woman so by definition can't experience properly a male-only night out.

@Chelseajunior

I'd do nothing and not be so aggressive as to "challenge" my husband.
I'm not jealous though.

Plot twist: Gemma is a 6' builder and your DH was cottaging.

Thanks for all the replies!

All is cleared up..

Some of you were right-he was texting a dealer.

They fancied a smoke at the end of the night and Gemma (friend of his friend knew some one who could get weed)

Gemma had no credit so had used his phone!

Thanks again everybody

To be honest I think if he had done anything or was having an affair the last thing he'd do would be leave his phone around. That would just be beyond dumb. Leaving it around and allowing you to use it speaks to me of someone who is innocent and has nothing to hide. Speaking as someone who never lets her husband see her phone! 😳

A text containing the words 'I'm in the car park with Gemma' could be entirely innocuous and innocent. I'd have given this no second thought but for one incriminating detail. It was 1.30 in the morning.

These areas are generally empty of people at that hour and not the most conspicuous place to wait for a taxi, if you want the driver to stand a chance of finding you. And when popping out for a cigarette the beer garden or pavement outside would surely suffice: why hang out in a deserted car park?

I'm sorry, but I can think of few reasons apart from the obvious that anyone would choose to visit these areas at 1.30 am.

It isn't unassailable proof of course, and if you confront him, he will deny it. I'd be inclined to take this in the context of his normal patterns of behaviour, and the state of trust in the relationship overall.

Very upsetting for you to find that, but I suspect if you were looking at his phone messages (for whatever reason) you might have had your own suspicions, whether conscious or not.

Sorry just saw reply!

Glad it's sorted OP. It definitely seemed we had 'visitors' on your thread.

Oops, cross-posted. Well, there are few other reasons for hanging out in a deserted car park in the wee small hours, but that's definitely one!

Glad it was nothing more untoward than that :)

Some of you were right-he was texting a dealer.

Oh, well that's alright then.

Ohhh thank god it was JUST a dealer.

All's well thst ends well

Those pesky dealers eh

I would have less of an issue with my OH hanging out with females than I would with him smoking dope.

Glad you sorted the issue out. But how about in the future you respect his privacy and not snoop.

This thread made me laugh...

Glad you got your answer OP