What would you think of this text?

[Chelseajunior]

Background:
Me and dp have been together 11 years, 2 dd's.
Have just found a sent message on his phone to a number I dont know saying 'I'm in car park with Gemma'.

I have never heard of a Gemma.

I've tried calling the number on withheld but switched off.

What's the best way to challenge him on this? He's at the gym and left his phone at home. I need to know what to say when he returns in an hour.

Shall I just come out with it and put him on the spot and say 'who's gemma' as soon as he walks in?

Name changed and sorry for typo's - I'm panicking!

Do people really think that's a suspicious text?

Gemma could be a pals girlfriend or friend - if they got split up on a night out he could have been telling his mates where he was?

Agree with RJ. Stop snooping. I’d leave someone if I found them going through my phone and questioning stuff. If you don’t trust him, break up. You’ve got no right to invade his privacy like this

Aw good there's always at least one.

I would want to know about the phone number - nobody just remembers a number now. It's usually just added to your phone with a name.

OP, those two friends he was with - are their numbers in his phone? What do texts to them say on that night?

And have you put that number on Google and on Facebook?

So you’d be ok with your partner looking at private - but completely mundane and innocuous texts - and questioning you about them would you drogos? Because in my book that’s abusive.

Tough one.

I trust my hubby implicitly and if he'd met up with "Gemma" whilst out with his 2 mates, he would have told me as when he's tipsy he gives me a full run down of his night! Please note I don't ask, I'm usually trying to sleep!! :)

I'd have a bit of a fish asking how the night out was and did they meet up with some other college friends. He's likely to say yes and then breathe, all ok - just another friend. Only you know if you can trust him 100%

If he was playing around, he'd have his phone glued to his side wherever he went.

I think it's probably very innocent, especially as he didn't delete the text.

I wouldn't think anything of it, if you don't know the number he texted to or who Gemma is, she could have asked him to send a text to her mate saying where they were / she was.

Having said that if you are always on each others phones and he leaves it lying around then he will know you would see it so you could just say who's Gemma, that's not challenging him, it's just asking a question.

Is there any reason to be suspicious of him?

If I saw this on my DH's phone it wouldn't occur to be to be suspicious. I would assume it was someone from work, a mates girlfriend, a friend of a friend or something. The fact that your mind went straight to him being unfaithful suggests he either has form (which would also explain you going into his 'sent' messages) or something isn't right with the relationship.

Surely if Gemma was a mate the OP would have heard of her?

It's actually taught in PSHE lessons in school that its abusive to check your partners phone.

Op maybe someone borrowed his phone who had lost their mate and their battery had died.

Would he be that open if he was hiding something?

If it was my dhs phone then it assume he was waiting with someone whilst they got picked up or waiting outside with someone and telling the others where they were waiting.

Did the friend reply to the text?

Just ask him when he comes home. I'd be the same as you

I'd be suspicious. I think the only thing to do is ask him outright.

It sounds more likely that they bumped into Gemma or she’s a partner of one of the guys. From that text I’d assume they’re just waiting to meet up to get in the car / get a taxi etc. I think we could all come up with scenarios: Less likely explanation is that Gemma is a prostitute, who they took turns to have sex with.

Wtf?
There must be more to this OP?
Happy secure people do not go all detective over something so innocuous

just happened to come across the text as I was sending one

No I don't think you did, you were looking. I get the "oh we are so open we can leave our phones around" but if you want to send a text surely you use your own phone?

Me and my husband also use each other’s phones, we also open all the post no matter who it is addressed too. If he is using my phone and a message comes up he reads it then tells me. I do the same. It’s not controlling it just works for us. I would call him out if I was worried about something that came up. Our phones are seen as ours not mine I suppose.

I wouldn’t give it a second thought. If he was out with workmates maybe they were waiting for others to get out of the pub and get a taxi. It could be anything

I wouldn't think twice if I saw this. I'd assume it was some work colleagues or someone he had bumped into but then DH is the last person I'd suspect if infidelity. Do you have reason to think DH might cheat?

@dogletsrock

Same here. DH and I also use each other's phones and have access to emails. I'd only really go on his email if I knew there was something specific I wanted to find out (e.g. a few days ago I went in to find an email from his dad letting us know when he's coming up as DH was at work and wouldn't be able to respond and he'd kept forgetting to check). I definitely wouldn't read a personal email from a close friend though (out of respect for the friend mainly as they only intended it for DH to see).

There could be a very simple explanation.

Or, it could be suspicious.

I would be asking tbh.

Any chance someone lost their phone and asked borrow his to let their friends know where they are? Would explain the random number

If phones are left open for both to use I doubt it's anything suspicious.

Unless he's a complete dip shit!

Probably texting someone to say where they are waiting for them. I take it it's just this 1 message in the whole thread and no other message to give context?

I cannot believe you phoned the number without speaking to him about it. You clearly don't trust him. I'd be furious if my DH did that. What if someone had answered - what would you have said?