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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Weird subconscious behaviour when women are out for dinner together - AIBU?

462 replies

Mazes · 02/03/2019 16:16

I was out for dinner yesterday evening with four female friends (were all early 40s). No problem whatsoever with ordering the cocktails, but when it came to ordering from the food menu, one friend chimed in first with the, “I’m just going to go for a salad” and, as always happens, everyone else followed suit with the salads. Does anyone else find this or is it just me? One friend did ask for some fries “for the table” but then everybody just looked at them until they got taken away. I’m not on a diet and nor is anyone else as far as I can tell so why does this happen? Then when it came to dessert orders, there was an uncomfortable silence before everyone declined, of course. Then we had a pot of mint tea. Nobody ate the bread either. It was my turn to pay and I felt like the actual “food” part of the menu was there for decoration only.
AIBU to think this kind of behaviour goes on a lot without women even realising they’re doing it? It’s as if it’s fine to knock back 3 cocktails, but nobody eats a chip!

OP posts:
QoFE · 02/03/2019 16:17

Not with my friends it doesn't Grin

CaptainHammer · 02/03/2019 16:18

It defintely doesn’t happen with my friends either!

Osirus · 02/03/2019 16:19

Nor mine.

Fuckedoffat48b · 02/03/2019 16:19

It's not subconsious, it is virtue-signalling competitive non-eating and not a trait I tolerate among my friends.

TheFlis12345 · 02/03/2019 16:20

Definitely doesn’t happen with my friends!

FredaFox · 02/03/2019 16:20

That's odd. Order what you want

WendyImHome · 02/03/2019 16:20

This has never happened with my friends.
We like food.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 02/03/2019 16:21

Nope! Not here!

Come out with my friends. I eat way more than I would on my own!

Bowchicawowow · 02/03/2019 16:21

How weird. You need some new mates who like food.

woollyheart · 02/03/2019 16:21

Maybe they like salads? I always like a good salad niçoise.

The gap before the desserts is just in case someone wants one. If someone had wanted one, others would have had dessert to keep them company.

Original poster
Mazes · 02/03/2019 16:21

Ok - maybe just me then Confused But this happens all the time. If I’m out for lunch and say I’m just having a soup, I can guarantee that everyone will have soup. Nobody will ever eat the biscuits when they come to my house for coffee. They just look at them.

OP posts:
SheldonandMama · 02/03/2019 16:22

I know what you mean and it makes me want to avoid organising nights out with women or groups who do this. I'm more likely to just meet them for coffee during the day. I don't want to feel judged, I want to relax and enjoy myself.

RuggyPeg · 02/03/2019 16:22

Not here either.

Outnotdown · 02/03/2019 16:22

Never encountered this with my friends. If we go out for something to eat....we eatConfused

JustHereForThePooStories · 02/03/2019 16:22

That’s not subconscious behaviour. You’re all aware of what you’re doing, and why.

Coldilox · 02/03/2019 16:22

When I go out for dinner I’m in it for all three courses. And none of them are salad. Don’t give a shit what anybody else eats, I’ll order what I want!

TitsAndTomatoes · 02/03/2019 16:22

Sounds like a horror movie to me!
Also, only in a parallel universe would a portion of fries for the table and the bread be left untouched.

Awrite · 02/03/2019 16:22

Nah, I've never known a friend to have a salad for dinner. Never. It's a terrible choice if you are drinking - lettuce will soak up nowt.

TartanHare · 02/03/2019 16:23

I went to our local Indian restaurant with a group of female friends last night, all different shapes and sizes. Large amounts of lovely food consumed by all.

JuniperBeer · 02/03/2019 16:23

Do you eat the biscuits in front of your friends?

JuniperBeer · 02/03/2019 16:24

Did you eat the fries, did you follow suit and order a salad or did you order what you actually wanted?

The whole situation you describe sounds like something out of desperate housewives.

Blankiefan · 02/03/2019 16:24

This happens with work people on a leaving lunch or something similar. But me and my friends fight for the last bit of bread / last chip!!

TartanHare · 02/03/2019 16:25

Oh, and I have friends who would happily raid my cupboards for biscuits Grin

ChakiraChakra · 02/03/2019 16:25

You can change this by loudly announcing first that you're having the big juicy steak burger with extra cheese. If they're waiting for permission, you've given it, if they're virtue signaling or just like salad they won't. But honestly, life's too short, order what you want.

Lexilooo · 02/03/2019 16:25

Before the salad bore starts just say "I fancy a big juicy burger and a mountain of fries who's with me??" The others might be relieved and all go along with you. They might all still have salad but who cares? You get to eat nice food. I don't understand why you wouldn't just order what you want??? You don't all need to eat the same.