AIBU - Weird subconscious behaviour when women are out for dinner together - AIBU?

[Mazes]

I was out for dinner yesterday evening with four female friends (were all early 40s). No problem whatsoever with ordering the cocktails, but when it came to ordering from the food menu, one friend chimed in first with the, “I’m just going to go for a salad” and, as always happens, everyone else followed suit with the salads. Does anyone else find this or is it just me? One friend did ask for some fries “for the table” but then everybody just looked at them until they got taken away. I’m not on a diet and nor is anyone else as far as I can tell so why does this happen? Then when it came to dessert orders, there was an uncomfortable silence before everyone declined, of course. Then we had a pot of mint tea. Nobody ate the bread either. It was my turn to pay and I felt like the actual “food” part of the menu was there for decoration only.
AIBU to think this kind of behaviour goes on a lot without women even realising they’re doing it? It’s as if it’s fine to knock back 3 cocktails, but nobody eats a chip!

So you do it as well OP? Break the cycle!

I think with true friends you do and act as you want.

With a group who you are not fully comfortable with you will not be your true self.

Why are you using the word "just"? How about "I'll have the xxx soup".
Also, do you normally split the bill equally? This sort of thing annoys me greatly in that if no one orders for instance entree or desserts, then I won't either, not because I am competively under eating, but because I don't want to be adding a bigger proportion to a bill that will then be shared equally, but I hate it because I end up hungry....

Nope don't recognize this either.

Once, in a chinese they had to drag a spare table over to hold some of our dishes that wouldn't fit on the table

The only time is if we are going on a big night out and just lining our stomachs so we'll get some sides and starters to share.

Me and my friends are the opppsite. Who can order the biggest/worst ha! We’re a bunch of foodies though!

No I’ve never experienced this and I’m early 40s, living in London with lots of different sets of friends. It sounds depressing. I wouldnt want to hang out with people obsessed with competitive under-eating, I’d imagine they’re very boring!

This doesn’t happen here either. We can all down a dirty burger and a pint with ease.

I always inwardly giggle at the fate of the last item on the sharing plate though. Destined to go cold because everyone is too British to take the last one. That definitely happens.

Nope, not something I've ever had when out with friends.

Never happened in any of my friend circles - instead the opposite happens we all set out for 'healthy' options and end up over ordering lots of unhealthy crap and end up unable to move afterwards. We are all shapes and sizes

So, what did you eat?

Whenever I've gone out for a meal we've always checked the desserts out on the menu first and then decide if we can fit a starter in on top of that & the main. So puds are definitely agreed and a salad doesn't get a mention.

No, this is weird. I think it might be because you take it in turns to pay for everyone though? Maybe no one wants to take advantage of the bill payer? And then eats in the way home?

I have one group of mates like this.Weirdly they have always had a massive lunch or have a blow-out barbie tomorrow.
Even if we meet for coffee they all have black Americano and then smile indulgently when I have a cappuccino and a cake. There is certainly a bit of competitive non-eating involved. I am the heaviest by some way and they seem to love encouraging me to tuck in...luckily I don’t mind, and happily indulge.

Can’t imagine anything worse! Never experienced that

I would order whatever the hell I wanted.

When I’m out for dinner with DH, if I say I don’t want dessert, he orders it for me anyway. It’s like the opposite extreme with him.

Also, the other thing that annoys me, is when you’ve done a DC birthday party and everyone says they’ll come in at the end for champagne and cake and then no women actually eat the cake! Hardly anyone wants champagne either (fair enough if you’re driving), so it’s basically varieties of tea all round. Also, when people instinctively don’t eat canapés and you wonder why you bother.

I tend to do this. Not because I care about how it looks, but because if everyone’s eating salad or soup or just having entrees or skipping dessert, I don’t want to hold up the whole group by ordering a bigger meal that’ll take longer to eat, or an extra like dessert or a final coffee that’ll keep us all at the table longer.

To me that’s just what you do when you’re with a group. It’s not much fun being the person still working on your main 20 minutes after the rest of the table has finished eating.

Nobody will ever eat the biscuits when they come to my house for coffee. They just look at them.

Does none of you slip up on your own drool when you get ready to leave?

Surely you are all sitting in pools of slaver?

I can't understand this sort of behaviour. The only way I can males sense of it is if one person doesn't want to be (say) eating lobster and caviare, and look greedy, while everyone else has a kebab when you are splitting the bill evenly/ (Though that can be avoided by saying that you'll pay for your own while the others split (x-1) ways.)

Eat what you want - enjoy it.

There is quite literally never going to be a time where I utter the words ‘just a salad’ or ‘just a soup’ when I’m eating out. And I will have a pudding if I fancy one, or at least a coffee with liquor. Olives while I wait, and bread if they have it. Cannot abide people who expect eating out to be some kind of exercise in self-denial.

You need different friends.

The only time I'm a bit awkward is at work meals, I'll wait to see if anyone else orders desert (as work or clients are paying).

Reminds me of the Miranda episode where each woman says “ooh I’d love the lasagna” then orders a salad without dressing and Miranda does the “ooh I’d love lasagna yep I’ll have lasagna please” and eye rolls

No, we don't do this at all. We don't go out for dinner, we go out for a feast. I can always count on my lot to get various sides each too (including a nice salad). So a big pizza each plus we'll each order a different side to share. And desserts and wine.

I wouldn't order three courses if no one else did, so to some extent I know what you mean. But I definitely wouldn't have a salad out of peer pressure!

I had a glass of wine with lunch today and my friend had a cup of tea. I don't eat meat, my friend ordered a pile of pulled pork Neither of us felt the need pressure or judgment from the other to compromise our orders to look good for the other.

You are completely involved in this behaviour too op, next time order what you want! If your friends treat you oddly because of it then it's a good lesson that they aren't actually nice friends and who needs that. You only need one arsehole in life, your own!

Yes, this happens with 2 separate groups of friends! I think it happens the other way round too though - I don’t really like cake, but have eaten it because everyone else was and it felt rude not to! And with wine as well! When I’d rather have a beer, but everyone else is drinking wine, so I do too.