AIBU - Weird subconscious behaviour when women are out for dinner together - AIBU?

[Mazes]

I was out for dinner yesterday evening with four female friends (were all early 40s). No problem whatsoever with ordering the cocktails, but when it came to ordering from the food menu, one friend chimed in first with the, “I’m just going to go for a salad” and, as always happens, everyone else followed suit with the salads. Does anyone else find this or is it just me? One friend did ask for some fries “for the table” but then everybody just looked at them until they got taken away. I’m not on a diet and nor is anyone else as far as I can tell so why does this happen? Then when it came to dessert orders, there was an uncomfortable silence before everyone declined, of course. Then we had a pot of mint tea. Nobody ate the bread either. It was my turn to pay and I felt like the actual “food” part of the menu was there for decoration only.
AIBU to think this kind of behaviour goes on a lot without women even realising they’re doing it? It’s as if it’s fine to knock back 3 cocktails, but nobody eats a chip!

I think this does happen but I order proper food, with chips, and eat it all. But I do find that I eat twice as much as everyone else (and I'm a size 8, but I do lots of exercise precisely because I like my food). I don't know if it's because they are trying to be slim or just have small appetites.

Doesn't sound like a group of friends really as no one can be honest about what they actually want to eat.

There is absolutely no way this would happen with me and my friends, we order what we want and how much we want.

The only time I've done this was in a mixed group for a 21st birthday party. You ordered your main course then salad or veg (incl roasties) for side. All the women ordered salad and all the men ordered veg. And all the women were very sad not to have lovely roasted veg because we were trying to be 'good'. So I thought fuck that and just have whatever I want when I go out ever since. I'm now 38.

I know the kind of women who do this. They are not my friends. Can't be doing with competitive under eating.

Its like in Julie and Julia, where they all order a cobb salad but each omit a different ingredient!

not my friends we just order what we want to eat, i can make a salad dinner at home why would i eat salad when someone else can make me a perfect steak with restaurant chips and onion rings, or ribs to die for, though i dont eat starters i always have a dessert

No way in hell would I ever even consider ordering something "light" because other women did. Life's too short, and I don't care if I look like a pig by having steak or ribs. I'm slim and I am very fortunate to be one of these people who stays slim no matter what I eat, it's a gift I don't intend on wasting by eating leaves maybe everyone did actually just want a salad?

I mean the exception for me is I wouldn't order three courses if everyone else is only having one because that means everyone sitting waiting on me finishing and I wouldn't order more than 1 or 2 drinks as the only one getting tipsy isn't great really.

Also I'd always have dessert. But if a friend was paying I maybe wouldn't because I wouldn't want to be seen as indulging on their dime.

There is quite literally never going to be a time where I utter the words ‘just a salad’ or ‘just a soup’

Me either

I don't know anyone who's like this. My friends and I all happily and with no 'ooh, how naughty of me' shite eat and enjoy everything, including but certainly not limited to bread, chips, desserts, biscuits, cake...

Get less boring friends, OP.

I don’t really like cake

< backs away in case this is catching >

I don't like cake either!

I only go out to eat with close friends and family and everyone has what the hell they want

If there's one thing left on a sharing platter or something though we'll usually offer it round, then the debate starts:

Do you want it though Shodan?
I wouldn't mind, but you want it don't you?
No you have it
No, YOU have it

Etc etc until one of two things happens:

1. We divide it between those who've staked a claim or
2. A third (fourth/fifth) person swoops in and nabs it, smugly eating it saying "Mine now"

The bowl of fries for the table is dealt with differently- when it gets to the last few, everyone who wants them takes one chip each, choosing the biggest of the ones available until it's reduced to two tiny fragments, which are left for the table

It might not happen if you all paid for what you ate though?

I should say I am non- meat eating and have been that way most of my life, so it’s not as if I’m secretly wanting to go for a steak or something and I do love salad and all spicy veggie things. But the truth is, if I did want to order steak, I think I would feel awkward doing that. Last night, when the waiter mentioned the chicken pie, people broke out into spontaneous laughter. You would think he’d suggested a whole hog roast or something.

Order 1 or 2 drinks of everyone else wasn't drinking I meant to say.

From your lack of response I’m assuming you do the same as they do and ignore the chips and just eat salad.

YABU for complaining about them doing this.

Your friends sound odd and possibly overly competitive. What you are describing is not something I have ever experienced.

You're all weird!

TBH you are perpetuating this. YOU see it happening, YOU fall into line. I think you are faintly ridiculous, but accept that following the social norms of a group is natural.

Pick a different group, or eat the bloody chips.

I'm not a huge cake fan either, I don't have a sweet tooth but I make up for it with the cheese.

Yabbers - yes I had a roast cauliflower salad which in itself is not BU, but I did collude with the chips and bread just sitting there, partly because I hadn’t really ordered them and also because nobody else was eating them.

I'd stop going out with them to be honest, it sounds utterly joyless and you can't be very good friends if you have to moderate your behaviour so much around each other.

When I go out to dinner with friends we all have whatever we fancy. Some people have starters, some don't. We all have dessert, in fact we've usually decided what dessert we're having before we've chosen our main.

Depends on my friends! Closer friends not at all but work friends usually do this !!

you can't be very good friends if you have to moderate your behaviour so much around each other.

This