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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my friend has lied to me for money?

333 replies

AppleCrisps · 02/03/2019 15:23

A month ago, my friend decided that it'd be a good idea for us two to go on an overseas trip in April for "old time's sake" (we were very close during our uni years). I agreed, and sent £500 to her bank account to cover for my share of the lodging (payment was all supposed to be done online).

Fast forward to today, trip is cancelled since she "doesn't feel like going anymore". Okay, no problem. Asked her to transfer me the money, and she can't because she's "only got cash at the moment" and she wondered if I could "wait till Friday".

AIBU to be suspicious about this? If she was planning to book everything as per our agreement, why would she even withdraw the money in the first place? I don't want to sound like the paranoid/untrusting friend so haven't said anything to her beyond an "Oh, okay thanks".

OP posts:
Orangecake123 · 02/03/2019 16:28

say cash is better I'll come and pick it up tomorrow.

SlangBack · 02/03/2019 16:30

Maybe she has to draw it out on a credit card from the ATM as she has spent it from her current account?

Cornishclio · 02/03/2019 16:32

Yes, I would be suspicious too. As you say why would she have it in cash when it was there to pay for a holiday online? I would say you want it back asap so will be round to pick up the cash tomorrow. Do you normally see her regularly?

sackrifice · 02/03/2019 16:38

She won't be in tomorrow OP.

MortyVicar · 02/03/2019 16:38

And beware her getting stroppy and turning it round on you - that your money was going to be spent on a holiday and you wouldn't have got it back then, so why do you need it so urgently now.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/03/2019 16:41

Is there more of a backstory, is she usually bad with money/ untrustworthy ?

Original poster
AppleCrisps · 02/03/2019 16:42

Has she a history of being broke or borrowing and not returning money?

She's never borrowed money other than the odd fiver here and there during uni but I usually get that back the next day so wasn't worried.

Maybe she has to draw it out on a credit card from the ATM as she has spent it from her current account?

When we were discussing it, she told me she had to ask for the money from me first because she didn't have a credit card and because it's debit, her spending power was limited to what was in her account.

OP posts:
HeyNannyNanny · 02/03/2019 16:45

Do you have it in writing that the money was for your half of the trip?

uncomfortablydumb53 · 02/03/2019 16:49

If she had booked the holiday, I would have thought she would have sent you a copy of the confirmation details
I certainly would
In your position, I would request cash before she blames a " glitch" with her bank
I'm sorry you have a shit friend

Original poster
AppleCrisps · 02/03/2019 16:50

Is there more of a backstory, is she usually bad with money/ untrustworthy ?

She's never given me a reason to not trust her. She's not bad with money to the degree that she gets herself into debt. It's more of a "spend most of the paycheque in the first two weeks and live on plain pasta for the next two" kind of attitude towards money with her. Have never asked for money from me though so no judgement from me on that front.

OP posts:
IAmMeThisIsI · 02/03/2019 16:53

Only time will tell. If she's not responded by tomorrow I'd start getting anxious. There's a possibility she spent it and will give it back payday. That's not right in itself but at least you may get paid back. Trying to be positive here.

purpleelk · 02/03/2019 16:54

I’d tell her that you need the money Monday morning so no matter how “busy” she is, that’s her issue. Your money should have sat in her bank and she should have been able to wire it back in 2 min. If she chose to take it out in cash, then she needs to inconvenience herself and return it to you this weekend.

Tell her you’re booking a trip with another friend and the price will stay locked until 9.30 am Monday so you can’t wait because “she’s busy” as you need to rush to the bank and deposit the cash at 9am, then book it.

Oh and later, you “changed your mind” too and cancelled the “second” booking

Nellieelephant · 02/03/2019 16:54

I wouldn’t tell her when you are going to go round to collect the money! I think the element of surprise will be the only way she wasn’t ‘magically’ called away from home!

Could you go round tonight? Then text her when you’re nearly outside that you were just passing so have popped round and can she open the door?

cstaff · 02/03/2019 16:56

I really hope everyone on here (including me) is wrong OP. Here's hoping that 500 quid is not what a friendship is valued at these days. What a waste that would be. I really hope that we are all proved wrong Flowers Wine

LL83 · 02/03/2019 16:59

Sounds like she can bo longer afford to go and I expect she doesn't have the money in cash. Does she get paid on Fri? If so hopefully get it back then as she says.

Disappointing/irritating/lessons learned but I dont see the point in turning up at her door.

If you prove her to be a liar and she is embarrassed she has less incentive to pay back on Friday. If she is trying to avoid being caught out more likely to pay.

FriarTuck · 02/03/2019 17:00

I'd be round there now without warning...

Original poster
AppleCrisps · 02/03/2019 17:02

Could you go round tonight? Then text her when you’re nearly outside that you were just passing so have popped round and can she open the door?

Unfortunately tonight won't do for me. Might pop round early tomorrow morning (unannounced till I'm there) if she doesn't reply overnight just for my peace of mind.

OP posts:
Original poster
AppleCrisps · 02/03/2019 17:03

*Sounds like she can bo longer afford to go and I expect she doesn't have the money in cash. Does she get paid on Fri? If so hopefully get it back then as she says.

Disappointing/irritating/lessons learned but I dont see the point in turning up at her door.

If you prove her to be a liar and she is embarrassed she has less incentive to pay back on Friday. If she is trying to avoid being caught out more likely to pay.*

Oh damn you actually make a really good point here. Ugh.

OP posts:
LL83 · 02/03/2019 17:15

Sit tight, fingers crossed for money on Friday. If she has just be careless with monthly outgoings she is very likely to pay back on Friday. I would have trusted my friend with money for a holiday if no previous problems. Good luckFlowers

Puzzledandpissedoff · 02/03/2019 17:15

Do you have it in writing that the money was for your half of the trip?

I was wondering the same ... even if it's just a text or something?

Because it couldn't be more obvious that she's used your money for something else, and if this gets unpleasant there may be nothing to stop her simply claiming the money was a gift

Morgan12 · 02/03/2019 17:18

Yep she's spent it! Has she not replied to your texts yet? I'm intrigued about what her excuse will be.

Sparklesocks · 02/03/2019 17:19

It all sounds a bit off, I can see why you’re concerned.

Whereareyouspot · 02/03/2019 17:20

Her reply will tell you what you need to know

If she genuinely for some (bizarre) reason has it in cash then she will reply oh really thanks so much that will save me a trip to the bank in a busy week thanks love

If she gives you a straight I’ll not be in all weekend then it’s harder as it may be true.

If she blusters and/or hers angry at you then you know she’s spent it.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 02/03/2019 17:20

If someone gave me £500 to book something and then it didn't happen I would give the money back. However I don't have masses of money hanging about in bank account - some weeks I end up in overdraft, though I try not to spend much those weeks bills still go out etc via DD. If I wanted to protect that amount I'd maybe draw it out in cash to stop it being swept up for eg a power bill. I am a pretty honest person. If I owed a friend they would get it back. Would it have been better if she'd said don't have that amount in bank until... When eg she knows another cheque will clear. Basically what I'm saying is it's maybe just a temporary cash flow thing. By drawing it out it's maybe safer than if she left it in her bank. Unfair that everyone's jumping to such suspicious conclusions!!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 02/03/2019 17:22

I just hope she doesn't try to claim that she was taking it to the bank when - shock, horror - her bag was stolen Hmm

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