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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my friend has lied to me for money?

333 replies

AppleCrisps · 02/03/2019 15:23

A month ago, my friend decided that it'd be a good idea for us two to go on an overseas trip in April for "old time's sake" (we were very close during our uni years). I agreed, and sent £500 to her bank account to cover for my share of the lodging (payment was all supposed to be done online).

Fast forward to today, trip is cancelled since she "doesn't feel like going anymore". Okay, no problem. Asked her to transfer me the money, and she can't because she's "only got cash at the moment" and she wondered if I could "wait till Friday".

AIBU to be suspicious about this? If she was planning to book everything as per our agreement, why would she even withdraw the money in the first place? I don't want to sound like the paranoid/untrusting friend so haven't said anything to her beyond an "Oh, okay thanks".

OP posts:
outpinked · 03/03/2019 16:55

People get paid at different times of the month, some people get paid weekly or biweekly. Not everyone in the UK gets paid on the same day Hmm.

Anyway, I suspect she has used it for other things either accidentally or purposely (perhaps an unexpected bill arose and wiped most of your money) so she’s waiting until payday to give it back to you. She almost definitely doesn’t randomly have it in cash unless it is as a PP suggested, that she’s drawn it out to protect it so a direct debit doesn’t swallow it up but I doubt it.

Sounds like you will have to wait it out until Friday and give this ‘friend’ a short shrift in future.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 03/03/2019 17:01

I would be suspicious but would wait until Friday. I hope you get your money back

Witchofzog · 03/03/2019 17:08

I would wait til Friday and then even if you get the full sum back, I would still distance myself from her. The whole thing leaves a bad taste for me. The suggestion of a holiday then the changing her mind for no apparent reason aside from don't fancy it. This is rude in itself - for all she knew you could be really looking forward to it. Then the weird behaviour - she should never have withdrawn your money - it was never hers to spend. And finally the snippy arsey attitude which it sounds like she has form for. You deserve better friends than this op

OVAgroundWOMBlingfree · 03/03/2019 17:31

Her reply was v nasty.

Wholovesorangesoda · 03/03/2019 17:31

Her response was so rude. I'd definitely be distancing myself from her now. Hope you get your money back on Friday, I'm on the fence about how likely that is!

MakeItAmazing · 03/03/2019 17:35

I really hope you get your money back, AppleCrisps.

MadameDD · 03/03/2019 17:45

You're far too polite OP! Mind you you haven't fallen out as such...

About 7 years ago, before I met DH, I was best friends with X. X had a 2 year old DD and an on/off ex who was father of her DD. X and her DP and DD had agreed to go on holiday to Turkey and invited me, who was single at the time along. After me paying the deposit, viewing the websites with the family etc it got to a few months before we were due to go and suddenly I got an email from X telling or asking me not to go as she now wanted on/off ex to go with them instead as they hadn't had a holiday together only 1 week in Ireland after their DD was born etc... She really laid it on thick to me and said she'd emailed me because she couldn't tell me in person.

I was furious and had paid about £300 deposit - I was straight on the phone to her demanding she transfer it back to me ASAP or I'd come round to her house and make trouble. I wouldn't have really gone to her house - she was living with her DP at the time, but used the threat to get her to transfer the money. It was back in my account that evening. Then I broke off the friendship.

You certainly shouldn't be waiting round for your money, this 'friend' either needs the money for something else but her reply to you re the money is beyond rude and makes light of your supposed financial situation. I'd be furious with her and end the friendship.

Feelthethunder · 03/03/2019 17:48

I’d text her back saying “no, not broke but I sent you that money via bank transfer to book a holiday. You didn’t book that holiday so by rights, my money should still be in your bank, and you should be able to send it me before Friday, I’m unsure as to why you decided to draw it out”

Don’t be all nicey nice to her when she’s been rude to you. That money is yours and she has no right to choose when you receive it!

Jenasaurus · 03/03/2019 17:51

She basically used you as a payday loan op, cheaper for her but not nice for you, out of interest if she had asked for a loan and not made up this holiday in April idea (assuming im right) would you have loaned it to her? It would have been better for her to be honest and ask for a loan than play this manipulative game. Hope you get in back on payday Friday Flowers

NicolaC17 · 03/03/2019 17:57

Good Luck for Friday!

Reccy2018 · 03/03/2019 18:00

What a rude message! I think that tells you all you need to know

Cornishclio · 03/03/2019 18:00

Whatever she is no friend. That is quite rude. She has your money and should not have spent it on anything other than the non existent holiday. As you say she probably cannot afford it but I am not sure you will get any money back either.

AppleKatie · 03/03/2019 18:03

This is outrageously rude of her OP. I think you haven’t much choice but to play her game and sit tight until Friday. If she pays great, but cut her dead from now on. If she doesn’t play hardball then.

AcrossthePond55 · 03/03/2019 18:07

She's either going to pay it back or she's not. Whether you pick it up today or she transfers it on Friday makes no nevermind unless you're in dire need right now.

I'd probably text her a reminder on Friday morning that you're expecting the money back that day. That will hopefully put off any 'I forgot' excuses. Make up a sudden need for it if you feel it would help.

Somehow I think she's going to drag this out.

ToftyAC · 03/03/2019 18:11

What a bitch! Her handling of this is nothing but rude and CFish. Make sure you get that money back OP as that is no friend to you.

manicmij · 03/03/2019 18:13

Was she going to pay the deposit to somewhere locally hence withdrawing the cash even though most I think would just pay by card of some sort. Fingers crossed you do get refunded but can understand your concern.

ilikemethewayiam · 03/03/2019 18:15

I agree with PPs, as soon as the holiday was off YOUR money should have been returned straightaway WITHOUT asking! No ifs or buts. I’m always suspicious of anyone who doesn’t immediately return money. It means they don’t have it anymore. I would not hassle her or turn up on her doorstep before Friday as you say she is a defensive person and may only need the slightest excuse to play the victim and use delay tactics. If she doesn’t pay up on Friday you’ll have your suspicions confirmed! You will need to be very firm with her say you want your money back regardless of what she believes about your financial circumstances. It’s your money and should be in your bank not hers!

Drum2018 · 03/03/2019 18:18

*I’d text her back saying “no, not broke but I sent you that money via bank transfer to book a holiday. You didn’t book that holiday so by rights, my money should still be in your bank, and you should be able to send it me before Friday, I’m unsure as to why you decided to draw it out”

Don’t be all nicey nice to her when she’s been rude to you. That money is yours and she has no right to choose when you receive it*

I'd go with above text. There should be absolutely no reason why your money is not still in her account. It wasn't hers to spend.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 03/03/2019 18:19

Check her fb daily op.
Bet she is away!!
Spending your cash!

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 03/03/2019 18:32

That sounds dodgy. Why can't she just hand it back now. If she'd got the money off you under false pretences surely she'd know if she said she didn't want to go after all you'd want the money back immediately and be expecting that she had it ready so this sounds very peculiar.
Did you see any details of the trip or any information that there was a trip?
The all in cash bit sounds funny and sounds like she's spent your money and is now trying to scrape it all together.
You say you were close at uni but how close are you now? If you're not close friends now you really shouldn't have given her the money and I would not have stumped up the money without seeing details of this trip first.
But yeah you need to be asking her a lot of questions and asking for the money back now. I'd be personally wondering about the friendship now if I were you. Confused

GabsAlot · 03/03/2019 18:38

sounds like shes spent it to me-i hope shes ona good wage or you wontbe seeing it all on friday i bet

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 03/03/2019 18:39

Just read your updates OP. Check her FB and if she pays the money in. That defensive attitude says she's up to something. Get the money back then break off with her,she's not a friend just a CF seeing what she can get away with.
Hmm

TriciaH87 · 03/03/2019 18:43

Don't message her just turn up and ask for you cash. Ask why she took it out too if was meant to pay online. Sounds like things were tight and she was too embarrassed to ask for help

Original poster
AppleCrisps · 03/03/2019 18:46

out of interest if she had asked for a loan and not made up this holiday in April idea (assuming im right) would you have loaned it to her?

I would've but (and I'm probably going to get called 'controlling' for this) with conditions e.g. only paying towards bills, no "free-and-easy" cash for restaurants/lux goods/clubbing etc.

Did you see any details of the trip or any information that there was a trip?

Just the link to that lodging she's found. I'm quite easy-going when it comes to holidays so initially agreed to let her plan everything since she had specific things she wanted to do.

OP posts:
riceuten · 03/03/2019 19:05

She's not got the money, she's used it for something else. That much is screamingly obvious. I think there is a 50% chance 'something' will come up to stop her paying you back. There's no paper record of any kind of loan from you to her, so CCJs and legal action aren't happening. Her message to you was unnecessarily defensive. I think it's evens you will never see your gold again, unfortunately. I wonder how many other 'friends' she's ripped off.