Not having larger for MIL... ?

[Bibijayne]

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

A MIL who storms off and switches off her phone is acting very childishly. She's supposed to be the experienced grown up here.
I'd ignore her completely until she gets back in touch to apologise for being such a drama queen.

I'm a MIL and my role is to help and support my adult DS's and DIL's. If I want to eat or drink specific things when I go to visit them, I sort it out myself.

If you were unaware that your MIL wanted lager before she came, then it's not an issue that you didn't have any in.

However your DH could have offered to nip to the shop for her if she really wanted some. But she apparently wasn't that fussed, so for her to have a fit about it the next day is ludicrous, and I suspect that she was masking being pissed off about being told off about leaving the front door on the latch whilst having a fag, so moved her upset to being about "no lager".

I wouldn't take it to heart but I hope she came back in a better mood, and didn't just storm off home again!

If someone brings out a specific drink like whisky or even champagne whilst at a meal wouldn't people just take a small glass and sip at it if they were not keen rather than demand something totally different and make everyone wait whilst someone had to go 10 mins to local shop.

I think mil was made to feel unwelcome tbh. I couldn’t sit and enjoy a celebratory drink or toast while a guest sat there with nothing. I cannot understand why prosecco was not offered if it was actually in the fridge. I also cannot understand why dh didn’t just pop out and get mil what she requested. As a pp said, the fact he didn’t must have been particularly hurtful when extra food could be rustled up at the drop of a hat for an unexpected visit by dsis and bil, but you couldn’t make a bit of effort to get something extra in for a planned visit by dm.

My dm is lovely, but set in her ways. When she comes to stay, we get in the things she likes. We aren’t big drinkers either, but I know dm likes a glass of an evening so we open a bottle with her. Likewise my dmil likes a drink that I cannot stand. I always have a bottle on standby for her in case of a visit. It is just good manners.

I would speak to dh about the way his actions (or lack of) made his dm feel and I would go and see her and apologise immediately for making her feel so unwelcome.

lamp chops

Ah sorry I may have misread the 5 mins, my bad.

But my points still stand.

She has literally never drunk lager before. Ever. I've know her for five years. I mentioned she didn't say anything to me because I didn't know there was/ had been an issue.

My sister like whisky. DH used to work in Aberdeen and also likes whisky.

She's stayed before. This was a bit of a last minute visit. She asked on Thursday evening and arrived Friday afternoon.

I am a total lightweight, so don't drink much. I also had quite a few pregnancy complications (ICP, pancreatitis, billiary collic etc.) and do not react well to more than a small glass of anything much ever since. DH doesn't drink much, unless we have company. And then only if he's drinking the same things. It's why I got in something I knew she liked in the limited time I had.

DH is beating himself up about not thinking and forgetting the prosecco in the fridge.

She seemed happy last night, lots of baby cuddles and chatting. This morning, DH says 'Hi mum,' and she gets upset and storms off.

He hadn't mentioned the latch thing at all.

_

For the latch, we have an Edwardian terrace, with a tiny front garden on the residential end of a busy shopping street. I was suggesting the side door from the lounge could be left open if she wanted to smoke outside rather than having to stand on the street. There's even a nice bench there.

It turned out to be totally irrelevant. Sorry. Just a bit all over the place. I also have ASD so tend to over explain! Many apologies.

Your DH was a crap host/partner that night. Not surprised MIL was upset although she is being a drama queen.

Were they larger lamp chops?

hope you get to the bottom of this op

I can understand where the OP's coming from.

She didn't have it in. It was a very quick visit from her family to celebrate a specific thing. How long were they there-half an hour? Nipping out to the shop, even if it was 3 minutes away, would take around 10 minutes of getting ready to go out etc.
Look at it the other way-I popped into my dsis with a bottle of whisky to celebrate. Only going to be there half an hour, as soon as we arrived they said their visitor didn't like whisky and went out to get a different drink.

I think that would look a bit rude to the visitors.

are you sure she has stormed off?

It was the sister who gave 5 mins notice M4J4 ok 😂

Could she be jealous of your sister's big promotion? Do MIL and Sis get on?

Do DH and sis get on? Maybe your MIL resents that?

Most of the time I read posts and think “how fun it would be to be friends with this person!” Alas, not this time

Also your sister dropped in unexpectedly to give you a whiskey but you fed them even though you were cooking for 3. So not only did MIL Nmnot get offered the bottle you'd brought her, she didn't get a proper meal either. Then presumably she was there and up long after your sister went and you still didn't offer her the drink you'd brought her.

Did you arrange for you DSIS to drop in because you don't like your MIL veyomuch with her lager drinking, cigarette smoking ways?

@myrtleWilson yes I know, RTFT

The OP went out of her way to provide for her sister, who turned up with no notice (stretching the dinner etc). No one went out of their way to provide for the MIL who was an expected guest. She was also called out on leaving the latch off the door and left downstairs alone while two people tended to a breastfed baby. I can see why she felt a bit put out.
I don’t think anyone is condoning the tantrum/storming off, that was childish behaviour. Maybe when she’s calmed down have a chat with her to get to the bottom of why she felt so unwelcome. There must be a reason.

It was a cross post m4

@TheGirlWhoLived

Most of the time I read posts and think “how fun it would be to be friends with this person!” Alas, not this time

Sad that you can only have fun with alcohol. Bless.

would take around 10 minutes of getting ready to go out etc what do you do before going to the shop??? They had prosecco in for her but didn't offer it. DH clearly knows his Mum likes a lager but cba to get some in ready

She has literally never drunk lager before. Ever.
If you'd had lager in she'd probably decide she only drank a particular brand of vodka that could only be purchased at the North Pole on the first of the month if there was a full moon and it was a Tuesday.
Did she want to be the centre of attention and that was taken away from her by DSis & BIL's arrival & news? That would explain a tantrum.

Stop telling us about what you like to drink. It's irrelevant to your role as hosts.

Friartuck