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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not having larger for MIL... ?

710 replies

Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 08:57

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 02/03/2019 10:03

I think you were inhospitable but her reaction was disproportionate.

Hosting is about thinking about your guests' needs and making them feel comfortable and welcome. You barely drink but she does, so for her, it would have been nice, welcoming, relaxing, and felt a bit special if you'd thought about what she might like to drink and bought some.

At the very least, your DH could have offered to visit the so-convenient shop and get her something, when it became clear she was being excluded from the social ritual of having a drink together, because she doesn't like whisky. i do think it was really mean-spirited of you all to leave her out like that.

HoraceCope · 02/03/2019 10:03

i feel sad for your mil that your dh apparently did not make her feel welcome and she left early.

grumiosmum · 02/03/2019 10:03

I know this isn't the done thing, but who doesn't know how to spell "lager"? Especially odd since the rest of the OP was pretty much grammatically perfect. Very strange.

Meandwinealone · 02/03/2019 10:04

I think everyone is blaming on the poor hosting of the op and mainly her dh
Not the fact that she’s a woman.

Limensoda · 02/03/2019 10:04

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.Really not sure what on Earth is going on!
She got the hell out of there because your attitude to alcohol was weird, she felt judged and unwelcome and then was interrogated about the latch? Hardly a relaxed and comfortable visit.
It was all a bit much for her.

Sleepthiefsmum18 · 02/03/2019 10:05

Can’t get over the whisky. Did she bring it round specially to celebrate or does she carry it at all times? Very odd.

I suspect it’s not really about the lager. Probably just generally feels unwelcome. I’d feel a bit unwelcome if everyone disappeared to feed the baby/told me off

M4J4 · 02/03/2019 10:05

I think everyone is blaming on the poor hosting of the op and mainly her dh
Not the fact that she’s a woman.

Why is OP expected to host MIL well with 5 minutes notice? Because she's a woman?

myrtleWilson · 02/03/2019 10:06

Anyone else wonders about how you stretch out lamb chops to accommodate two extra guests? I mean you normally buy in portion size - say two per person so did everyone just have a solitary lamb chop? Maybe it was the lamb chop that broke the camels back? (Obviously if you were having Barnsley lamb chops then one is fine but I'm imagining a woeful single cutlet 😢

M4J4 · 02/03/2019 10:07

Can’t get over the whisky. Did she bring it round specially to celebrate or does she carry it at all times? Very odd.

So she brought round some whisky to celebrate a big promotion with her sister and that's odd? Why?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 02/03/2019 10:07

Your poor MIL. She was probably really looking forward to this trip but she’s found herself sat on the sidelines- first while your side of the family has a mini celebration and then while you and your husband sit upstairs with the baby.

Your husband offering her squash is just daft. People keep saying she declined lager from the shop but I haven’t read that and I don’t understand why she wasn’t offered the Prosecco.

I’d not have left early but I’d have been pretty upset when I did go.

M4J4 · 02/03/2019 10:08

Namechane, looking forward to a trip for which she gave 5 minutes notice? Ok. 😂

SoyDora · 02/03/2019 10:08

Why is OP expected to host MIL well with 5 minutes notice? Because she's a woman?

Many posters have questioned what the DH was doing while she was hosting/cooking/feeding he baby and why he wasn’t taking responsibility for providing drinks to his MIL.

SoyDora · 02/03/2019 10:09

*to his mother, not MIL

AnnaMagnani · 02/03/2019 10:09

If a grown adult told me not to worry about getting them a lager (and they usually don't even drink it), no way would I traipse to the shop to get it just in case she did want it. So I am understand DH didn't get it for his mum.

I am guessing the MIL is the sort of person that says 'don't go to any bother' when she really means 'absolutely go to some bother'.

While the OP and her DH hear 'don't go to any bother' and don't go to any bother.

This is a recipe for disaster.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/03/2019 10:09

When your sister went so you could get the baby down, do you both do that? Do you turn the telly off etc so MIL was sat in silence being an imposition

SoyDora · 02/03/2019 10:09

M4J4 I thought it was the sister and partner who gave 5 mins notice? Not the MIL

OftenHangry · 02/03/2019 10:09

Tbh I don't think this is just about lager.
You most likely did and say other thing, you are jut not aware. Which is not surprising with the lack of hosing skills🤷‍♀️

OftenHangry · 02/03/2019 10:09

*hosting

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 02/03/2019 10:09

Namechane, looking forward to a trip for which she gave 5 minutes notice? Ok. 😂

I thought it was the sister who turned up with 5 minutes notice?

LittleBearPad · 02/03/2019 10:10

I really don’t get why your DH couldn’t pop out to the shops for her given its three minutes away.

The continuous descriptions of the scale of each alcoholic drink is just odd.

Why did everyone have to go when the baby went to bed.

Finally why the aside (lamb chops) when describing the planned quiet night.

Odd!

Holidayshopping · 02/03/2019 10:11

Why is OP expected to host MIL well with 5 minutes notice? Because she's a woman?

What?! Where does it say the OP had 5 minutes notice?!

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 02/03/2019 10:12

And look at me your MIL
Squatting pissed in a tube-
hole at Tottenham Court Road
I just come out of the ship
Talking to the most
Blonde I ever met
Shouting
Lager lager lager lager
Shouting
Lager lager lager lager
Shouting...
Lager lager lager

Holidayshopping · 02/03/2019 10:12

I have to say, you sound joyless and your husband sounds a bit useless!

I take it you don’t host very often?!

NakedAvenger · 02/03/2019 10:12

We drink alcohol. We have lots in the house. Visitors have a choice of any alcoholic drink they would like at a moments notice. I'd feel like a shit host if I didn't.

We also don't drink sugary soft drinks. Anyone who doesn't want alcohol however I always have something they can drink stored somewhere. Coke, lemonade, ginger beer, juices. I'd feel like a shit host if I didn't.

FFS be a decent host and get a couple of 'largers' and a bottle of wine in for people who might want to unclench once in a while.

M4J4 · 02/03/2019 10:13

Annamagnani

Agreed but I wouldn't pander to that behaviour. My mum's like that, if you ask her if she wants something she says no, but sometimes she means yes, so you never know what she wants. I don't pander to it, I tell her to be clear with me and I'll get her anything she wants.