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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not having larger for MIL... ?

710 replies

Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 08:57

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 17:48

@M4J4

Thanks! It does feel like we're going round and round...

OP posts:
M4J4 · 02/03/2019 17:54

Whatever. The shop was 3 minutes away the mil obviously did want larger otherwise she wouldn't of asked for it.

Whatever. It's 'wouldn't have' not 'wouldn't of'.

M4J4 · 02/03/2019 17:55

No worries, Bibijayne, this thread is like the Walking Dead, the brain dead zombies just keep popping up! Grin

cushioncovers · 02/03/2019 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PreseaCombatir · 02/03/2019 17:59

Told you no one likes a pedant

PreseaCombatir · 02/03/2019 17:59

😂

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 02/03/2019 18:02

OP stop worrying, you have done nothing wrong. It’s very clear your sister popped in spontaneously and your DH offered his mum a drink and she said she didn’t want what was offered.

You don’t sound controlling or puritanical or anything like that.

Most likely MIL is upset about her wider life changes, as you outlined above, and that’s got focused on the booze.

These things happen.

saoirse31 · 02/03/2019 18:06

Would you not have invited your mil to help/ watch baby having bath? Otherwise one of you should have stayed with her I'd think...

I think you sound like a lovely person op, (apart from the alcohol measuring) but I can see how she felt ignored, last to be considered etc... tho mostly that'down to your dh.

lottiegarbanzo · 02/03/2019 18:07

OP, if anyone was a poor host it was your DH. Pass all this shit and worry on to him and forget about it.

mum11970 · 02/03/2019 18:16

Going by your updates I’d say this has nothing to do with lager and everything to do with your sister’s arrival and the focus of the evening changing to congratulating her and then you disappearing off to bed at 8 pm.
How long is it since you’ve seen your MIL? Is is possible she wanted a listening ear and some sympathy concerning how she’s feeling about her ex and his new family and then felt unable to say anything with your sister there and then you immediately retired for the night.

screamifyouwant · 02/03/2019 18:18

Like others have said if I'd have guests I would make sure drinks in the house especially wine offered with dinner.
I get that you and your dh don't drink so I suppose you may not think that someone else will . But your mil should have brought something with her to drink it's polite .
I think she may have over thought the situation.

AngelaHodgeson · 02/03/2019 18:19

OP, I don't think you've done anything wrong here and DH hasn't done much wrong either.

You stuck to your baby's routines while he is teething - obviously a good idea. You had 2 of her normal drinks in and offered one of them (along with a range of alternatives). It's a shame DH forgot about the prosecco but being human he made a small mistake. If MIL was lying when she said not to bother going to the shop then that's her lookout. People don't get to lie to your face and then throw a strop because you didn't realise they were lying!

Janecon · 02/03/2019 18:20

@mum11970 makes a good point. I know you were tired but 8pm is very early to go to bed when you have a guest. Also, if I understand correctly you and DH both went upstairs to bath the baby and left her sitting downstairs on her own? I can she that she might have felt a bit unwanted if you went to bed when your sister left. I hope you hear from her soon.

Clutterbugsmum · 02/03/2019 18:40

OP Just stop, you and your DH have messaged his mum enough. She will get back in contact when she finished her tantrum.

There is nothing wrong in what you offered the fact your MIL decided she wanted the one thing you didn't have and didn't know she would have wanted it, is not you fault.

To me it sounds like your MIL got her knickers in a twist over nothing and instead of being an adult she chose to behave like a child.

Although I have to say the childish part of me, would make sure I had larger in next time she came and make a big fuss about having it and insisting she drinks it.

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 18:47

@Janecon

Only I and DS went to bed, DH went downstairs after ten minutes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 18:47

Thank you @Clutterbugsmum

OP posts:
Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 18:48

We saw MIL ten days ago...

OP posts:
Readysteadygoat · 02/03/2019 18:53

OP I think you have the patience of a saint to keep responding.

FWIW I don't think you did anything wrong

DoctorDread · 02/03/2019 18:59

I think everyone should just have had a cup of tea!!

Honest OP you've been remarkably level in your responses to some of the more hostile responses on here and good for you!

poppycity · 02/03/2019 19:20

@Bibijayne - you sound like a lovely DIL and very kind and sensitive. Sometimes with change and the myriad of reasons emotions run high we can be a tad more emotive especially as we age; it may be as simple as that regarding your MIL!

I'm sorry people haven't been kind about your post or the things you've shared.

DistanceCall · 02/03/2019 19:25

My family like wine and prosecco. When they visit, I have in at least 2 full bottles per person, and then a few more for good measure.

So you famiIly need like their alcohol. Others don't. I don't keep TWO bottles of wine per guest. And I would regard anyone who expected me to do that as completely batshit (and of course, rude).

MyKingdomForBrie · 02/03/2019 19:25

It sounds like she has other issues which have made her feel upset/excluded/lonely, and now she's probably too embarrassed to return - not your fault but also not a 'tantrum', I think just genuine overspill of unhappiness and emotion. If that was my DM/DMIL I'd just want to say, 'I'm sorry if there's anything we said or did which made you feel unwelcome, we absolutely love you and love having you to stay. Please let us know you're ok and come back when you're comfortable.'

GabsAlot · 02/03/2019 19:26

ffs she said the mil had never asked or had lager round there before what ais she supposed to do fortell the future

the dh offered she said not to bother then in the morning had a fit about it all

but do blame the mother with a baby for not kissing the arse of a weird mil

slipperywhensparticus · 02/03/2019 19:28

She would hate my house I don't drink and I don't get it in if I have company you want it you bring it 🤷‍♀️

MyNewBearTotoro · 02/03/2019 19:35

Some of these posters must be quite awful house guests. Demanding and entitled wouldn’t even cover it.

All these posters saying OP or her DF should have walked to the shop to get a lager if that’s what MIL fancied, are you serious? If I went to stay at somebody’s house I would never dream of asking for a type of drink they didn’t offer let alone expecting them to pop out to the shops to purchase it if they didn’t have any! OP’s MIL was a guest in their home, not a hotel - I don’t expect to be able to pick and choose what to eat/ drink when I’m a guest at somebody’s house, I am grateful and appreciate the food/ drink offered by the hosts.

Fair enough if the house had been completely empty of anything to eat or drink and a starving MIL had been told if she was hungry she could go to a shop, but she was cooked a nice meal and offered a perfectly acceptable range of alcoholic and soft drinks. Completely unreasonable for her to expect either her DS or DIL to go to the shop for something different.

Honestly, anyone who thinks that a guest is entitled to demand any food/ drink they want when staying with friends or family and that the host should go to the shop to get it is surely somebody who would never get invited anywhere twice. Really can’t believe there are posters who think this is what should have happened!