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Original poster

Not having larger for MIL... ?

710 replies

Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 08:57

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

OP posts:
Yabbers · 02/03/2019 17:08

@myadviceisdontskippaps

So the post and subsequent excuses should be about how he arsed up, not MILs reaction.

PreseaCombatir · 02/03/2019 17:10

Why is everyone focusing on OP being responsible for making her MIL happy and no OP’s DH? Or at least that’s how I’m reading all these replies
Because the OP is the one posting.
If the DH were posting everyone would be asking him why didn’t he go.

You and your dh were bad hosts.
Your mil is a drama llama nightmare.

More people are defensive over being non-drinkers from what I can see. Lots of snidey comments about ‘being able to hve fun without a drink’

And no one likes a pedant

AnnaMagnani · 02/03/2019 17:10

I genuinely don’t know anyone who doesn’t have any in, and offers adult guests squash

@FriarTuck you should have tried coming round to mine before DH moved in. Live in the middle of nowhere, don't drink tea, coffee or milk. Would regularly plan slap up meal for guests but forget they might want a cuppa.

My parents eventually resorted to bringing their own Blush

FriarTuck · 02/03/2019 17:11

I can drink 2 bottles, if I'm in the mood.
Should we be impressed at your boozing prowess? (I'm not btw) Some people like to drink a lot, some people rarely or never drink, the rest are somewhere in between. Just because you knock it back doesn't make someone a lessor mortal just because they didn't buy half the shop for someone staying a couple of nights and who isn't usually a heavy drinker.
Unless you’re lazy, why not pop to the shop 3 minutes away.
Maybe because MIL said she was fine?

LadAlive · 02/03/2019 17:11

And then there's clarting about getting in the bath with the baby when you're MIL's here for the night. Hmm

Aubaine · 02/03/2019 17:13

I’m still stuck on your step-MIL being 51 and having 3 month old twins ...

Does your DH have ASD too? Does your MIL know you have and dies she understand it? Because I’m wondering if this is a case of your MIL not realising she needs to be very direct, ie saying “Please can you get me some Prosecco or lager” rather than saying “no need to bother” while hoping you’ll pick up on her subtext and say “oh it’s no trouble, I’ll just go now”.

Ultimately I think your DH has not been hospitable enough to his own mother by done way.

FriarTuck · 02/03/2019 17:13

My parents eventually resorted to bringing their own
My mother used to bring her own tea bags because mine were inferior! Luckily now I drink the same as her so she can cope Hmm

Cornishclio · 02/03/2019 17:14

For goodness sake some of the responses are really harsh. Is it really such a hardship to go without alcohol? It would not have been an issue if the SIL had not brought the whisky round.

Considering MIL gave little notice of her visit, the OP and DH do not usually drink so don't keep loads of alcohol in the house and they have a small baby surely most guests would understand and had a soft drink if they did not want the alcohol on offer?

If we have guests over for the evening we usually get wine and beers in but that is usually with notice and not family who normally get what they are given and luckily our family are pretty relaxed about whether or not alcohol is on offer. Sounds like there are a few on here who have a bit of an alcohol problem.

OP I am not sure what is going on with your MIL but I am not sure that not having lager in is the crux of the issue although it is that she has chosen as the thing to cause her tantrum. Most likely it is her ex and his new family or the fact her sons are married and making their own families.

The very fact she smoked would be enough to make me quite happy she has left. Even if she goes outside to smoke it lingers on her clothes and who wants their 6 month old baby stinking of second hand smoke. She seems to like causing drama so I would suggest to your DH he leaves it for a few days before contacting her. Throwing a tantrum like a 3 year old because not everything revolves around her is not acceptable especially in someone elses house.

kingfisherblue33 · 02/03/2019 17:15

Lager! If she was staying and I knew she liked lager, i’d Get some in. But she could have brought some too. No need for a hissy fit.

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 17:16

@Yabbers - but we didn't need any.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 17:17

@Aubaine nine-month-old. They're three months older than our DS.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 17:18

@kingfisherblue33

We didn't know she liked lager. We had in drinks we knew she liked. She declined one and DH forgot about the other.

OP posts:
MamaDane · 02/03/2019 17:19

If people want to make sure they drink alcohol at someone else's house, they should bring a bottle of wine or their preferred booze. Otherwise, you get what people offer you and it's rude to throw a hissy fit about it. Alcohol is literally not necessary every time family comes over. Also, if it's your own DM or MIL, would she not just have learnt to help herself by then?
In my family, whether it's at MIL's house, DM's house, our house etc. You just go to the fridge and check what's there and grab whatever you like. Grin Of course you offer if they want a tea or coffee once in a while and such, but really, this is family not the Queen. Grin

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 17:21

And yes @Aubaine MIL does know I have ASD. And knows to be direct/ be clear about what she wants.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 17:24

@MamaDane

" Also, if it's your own DM or MIL, would she not just have learnt to help herself by then?
In my family, whether it's at MIL's house, DM's house, our house etc. You just go to the fridge and check "

This is pretty much what happens in our house, with my family and with DH's family.

OP posts:
Tavannach · 02/03/2019 17:28

It sounds like your MIL is upset. Why are you so sure it's about the lack of lager?
Was she hoping to speak to her son last night when your sister arrived unexpectedly?
Has she had bad news?
How is her health?

HoraceCope · 02/03/2019 17:28

this hss probably already been covered but next time, instead of bathign the baby with you, why dont you ask MIL if she wants to bath the baby and read him a story.

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 17:33

@HoraceCope

Why? We've asked her in the last if she wants to do things with DS and she's said no. We don't want to mess with his bedtime routine and cause him stress and us a lack of sleep?

OP posts:
YourSarcasmIsDripping · 02/03/2019 17:36

@Yabbers don't know about host,but I'm a decent person. However I don't play the shitty you first,no you first game. I ask you if you want something you say yes/no and I respect that. You say you want x and I don't have it and say I'll get it for you and you say it's no problem? Then it's no problem and I'll just assume you're enough of a grown up to know your own mind and actually say what you want/need and don't expect me to mind read and play stupid games.

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 17:38

As an example, MIL kept pushing us to introduce solids at 12 weeks because she did with DH and we said no. DS is 28 weeks and we recently started introducing him to solids. We asked if she wanted to help feed him and she said no (having previously been really keen to). She said (before he was born) she'd like to go swimming with him. When we organised weekend swimming lessons and asked (when she was here) if she'd like to come along/ take him (whatever she preferred) she said no.

OP posts:
cushioncovers · 02/03/2019 17:41

So why didn't your dh go to the shop and get his mum so larger?

M4J4 · 02/03/2019 17:43

So why didn't your dh go to the shop and get his mum so larger?

🤦🏼‍♀️

cushioncovers · 02/03/2019 17:44

What

M4J4 · 02/03/2019 17:44

RTFT

cushioncovers · 02/03/2019 17:48

Whatever. The shop was 3 minutes away the mil obviously did want larger otherwise she wouldn't of asked for it.

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