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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not having larger for MIL... ?

710 replies

Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 08:57

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 16:28

@DameDoom - yup! I usually try to have bits in that people like, but only had a evening's notice of MIL's visit and thought we were covered with what I could get locally. I quite like the occasional lager, but just haven't really recently. I mentioned in a PP that I had some pregnancy complications and was on bed rest/ in hospital from 28 weeks until DS was born at 36 weeks. As well as usual being light weight after pregnancy I was told to steer clear of booze until given the all clear after a gallbladder ultrasound at 12 weeks PP. So I'd been booze free 12 months by the time Christmas rolled around and found out that a glass of wine is enough to make me pretty tipsy. More than that and it have a wretched hangover. Hangover's and babies who think 6am is time to get up and ready for the day do not mix. So we just don't really drink at all at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 16:31

@NoRightIsIt

DS usually has a bath with me. I'm open about a lot of things, but think MIL and I may have both been red-faced if she helped bathe DS whilst I was also starkers in the bath.

OP posts:
Bangingdoors · 02/03/2019 16:31

This is a crazy thread! So people really think it's ok for a guest to throw a hissy fit if their host doesn't have whatever drink they want at the time in, does this apply to food too?
People must have very large drink cabinets if they are covered for every drink their guests may request depending how they feel.

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 16:32

@Purplecatshopaholic

She's never had or asked for lager before. Otherwise we'd have had some in :)

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 02/03/2019 16:32

@Purplecatshopaholic are you ignoring the bit where this is a woman who has never knowingly been seen to drink lager before? How would you have then known to get it in Confused

They did have her tipple of choice in - G&T. Plus a range of other spirits. And the specially bought Prosecco which her son forgot to offer.

She asked for a lager, son said shop was a few minutes away, she said don't go and get one.

Following day she throws a wobbly.

kmc1111 · 02/03/2019 16:38

This idea that you have to have a big variety of booze in for guests is mad. Alcohol is expensive, and if you don’t drink much yourself then it’s really not easy to justify the expense for something future guests might possibly want.

I do have a full range at home, and not including any of the fancier stuff it’s still probably £200-300 just sitting around, only getting brought out every couple of months. I can afford that, but a lot of people can’t, and that doesn’t make them bad hosts.

NoRightIsIt · 02/03/2019 16:40

OP Grin that makes much more sense about the bath. I’d have to object to that MIL helping to bathe if I was in the bath too 😳 It actually also explains why your DH went to help as assume he took baby out for you etc. I honestly don’t think you’ve done anything wrong other than your DH making a slight faux pa by not offering the bottle your bought in especially for MIL. You sound like a kind host to me. I’d assume there was something more underlying MIL’d behaviour and just send a text saying hope she’s ok and you all love her and please could she get in touch etx.

M4J4 · 02/03/2019 16:42

@Purplecatahopholic

I would have had lager in! Thats just me

You're a saint.

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 16:43

@NoRightIsIt yup, that's why he came up to help :)

Thank you. We've messaged her. Not heard back yet but will ping her a message in the next couple of days

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 02/03/2019 16:45

but think MIL and I may have both been red-faced if she helped bathe DS whilst I was also starkers in the bath Grin Grinyeah I think you made the right call there!

Anna where has the G&T come from?

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 16:49

We had spirits. She didn't want spirits. There was gin, rum and few kinds of scotch. She usually likes gin.

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 02/03/2019 16:52

@Namechangeforthiscancershit

RTFT

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 02/03/2019 16:52

With tonic? That wasn’t on your list of soft drinks?

Anyway you had got her some lovely Prosecco that you know she likes- it just didn’t cross DH’s mind to offer it to her. These things happen.

Usingmyindoorvoice · 02/03/2019 16:52

Only you and her son can tell if the way she reacted was out of character. If it was, I doubt this was anything to do with lager, Prosecco or whatever tipple you did or didn’t have.
Maybe she’s just sad about something, and had been looking forward to a quiet visit, time with you all, and inadvertently felt a bit like a spare part. You mentioned upthread her ex has just become a father again, and maybe that and being around your little family brought back mixed feelings about their time together as new parents.
Alternatively if she’s prone to a bit of drama, ignore,

Twisique · 02/03/2019 16:52

I wasn't the perfect host with a 6 month old, I was still sleep deprived and forgetful.

Having said that I don't think you have done anything wrong OP, wait and see what MIL says was wrong and take it from there.

My MIL bought larger with her when she visited once and cheerfully offered one to her son and ignored me!

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 02/03/2019 16:53

Oh AnnaA if you had RTFT you would know that I am absurdly involved and about 2 steps short of turning up with lager for all!

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 02/03/2019 16:54

My MIL bought larger with her when she visited once and cheerfully offered one to her son and ignored me!
LTB Grin

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 02/03/2019 16:56

@Purplecatshopaholic how? Friend drinks baccardi. You buy Baccardi. Then she turns around and for the first time ever asks for lager. She's never drank it before or asked for it. Unless you're a psychic how would you know to have lager in and offer it on request?

Yabbers · 02/03/2019 16:59

Unless you're a psychic how would you know to have lager in and offer it on request?
Unless you’re lazy, why not pop to the shop 3 minutes away.

Yabbers · 02/03/2019 17:00

People must have very large drink cabinets if they are covered for every drink their guests may request depending how they feel.
Or have a shop 3 minutes away.

Twisique · 02/03/2019 17:01

brought * Grin

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 17:02

@Yabbers - because she told DH no bother when he said we didn't have any in the house....

OP posts:
FriarTuck · 02/03/2019 17:03

I genuinely don’t know anyone who doesn’t have any in, and offers adult guests squash
You'd get very little choice here - I barely drink, only tend to have whatever I've been given as gifts, and you'd basically get water, squash, tea or milk.

Yabbers · 02/03/2019 17:05

@Bibijayne a decent host insists and says it’s no problem, I need to go get some xxxx anyway.

myadviceisdontskippaps · 02/03/2019 17:06

@Yabbers once again - the bit where OP had NOTHING to do with the conversation and no idea MIL wanted lager and it was DH who didn’t go down the shop to get some.

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