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Original poster

Not having larger for MIL... ?

710 replies

Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 08:57

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

OP posts:
M4J4 · 02/03/2019 15:07

My mum is 68 but she's been going to bed for many years.

She often can't sleep if she stays up till 11 or something.

Holidayshopping · 02/03/2019 15:08

All my local small shops (there are many) do full size bottles of wine. No miniatures, no half sized bottles. That’s why I was surprised.

M4J4 · 02/03/2019 15:08

Going to bed at 9

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 15:10

@Holidayshopping they mainly sell only beer. So not much in the wine selection. If MIL was a regular lager/ beer drinker I'd have bought a pack of four instead of the fizz.

OP posts:
joyfullittlehippo · 02/03/2019 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clairemcnam · 02/03/2019 15:13

No one was suggesting the OP get the lager. All the suggestions have been that DH should have.

joyfullittlehippo · 02/03/2019 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinkbells · 02/03/2019 15:16

A larger what? I'm confused.

Pinkbells · 02/03/2019 15:18

Oh lager, sorry. She sounds ridiculous. Don't invite her again!

Twickerhun · 02/03/2019 15:18

Op I think you are getting a very hard time here. Hope you’ve got hold of Mil now.

Huskylover1 · 02/03/2019 15:20

I like a half bottle of wine. Followed by 3 more. Wink

FriarTuck · 02/03/2019 15:30

But suddenly not staging a full banquet with a masked ball for the MIL is considered bad hosting.
This made me snort.

Huskylover1 · 02/03/2019 15:37

I have friends who host like this.

Lat time we visited, it was December and freezing. There was no heating on. You could see your breath. Wine glasses sat empty for half an hour at a time. Dinner was food for 2 people, stretched to feed 4.

They earn a fortune, so it's not about money. It's just very meagre living for no reason.

When they came to ours, they ate and drank all weekend, despite having brought no alcohol with them. As they were leaving, the wife said "Oh, we brought alcohol but left it in the car!", whereupon she reached in to the boot, and presented me with one miniature bottle of budweiser.

Shock
Sassysolly08 · 02/03/2019 15:37

Sounds to me like she feels like she is left out of the celebrations because she couldn't have the drink she wanted: larger! However, it's family and irrelevant of having 'larger' or not should have just had 'whatever' was available to her liking. Obviously, she decided to make a mountain out of a molehill, rather than just saying 'just going to buy a few largers'...considering she felt that 'put out'. But to actually pack up and drive off all because of a larger/drink; bit selfish really! However, on the other hand, maybe there is something she is wanting to say but feels having a larger would relax her and make her talk about it. Is her behaviour out of character? Has she done this before? If not then maybe more to it than meets the eye!

nocoolnamesleft · 02/03/2019 15:38

I don't drink. This means I tend to forget that most of the UK appears unable to have fun unless drinking. I buy booze as presents at Christmas. I'll get some beer in for my brother or dad. I have zero idea what wines are nice, or go with what. But mostly it just doesn't impinge on my consciousness. Mentioning how little they drink is probably just trying to explain why it wouldn't have occurred to them that they had to go out and buy in booze in advance.

MashedSpud · 02/03/2019 15:42

Did the mil get in touch?

Huskylover1 · 02/03/2019 15:45

I wish people would stop correcting the Op, about Lager -v- Larger.

I'm pretty sure MIL spotted the mini Prosecco, and did indeed proclaim "Larger".

happymummy12345 · 02/03/2019 15:46

If we had people coming to visit we would always make sure we had what they like in, or if we didn't know we would certainly go and get it for them when we knew what they'd like, and of course we would pay.
You seem like you made her feel a bit unwelcome and I wouldn't be happy if I was her

Purplecatshopaholic · 02/03/2019 15:49

If someone is coming over who likes a certain tipple, why would you not get some of it in? Eg, I have a friend who likes bacardi - I dont so dont have it in the house normally, but would make sure I had it in if they were coming over, absolutely. Ditto whisky, etc. Its called politeness.

AnnaMagnani · 02/03/2019 15:49

Well I'm glad for you Huskylover. In our house, the Prosecco never gets drunk because no-one wants more than a glass so it's a waste of a bottle because it's sodding sparkling.

I suppose you think a bunch of non-drinkers or minimal drinkers are incapable of having fun? None of my or DH's relatives would have more than 1 or 2 glasses on any occasion. They aren't tedious funsponges though.

Or perhaps there are people who are different to you Shock

Or newsflash - OP has repeatedly pointed out that her MIL likes the prosecco in the small bottle.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 02/03/2019 15:52

My db stopped over unexpectedly one night,after we'd eaten we asked what drink he'd like (Jack Daniels) and plonked the whole bottle next to him along with a glass.If he had wanted something we didn't have in id have gotten it.You were being a bit tight op imo.

DameDoom · 02/03/2019 15:53

Huskylover1 They sound like my godparents who invited my parents for the weekend and proffered nothing more than a cup of tea and a ham sandwich from Saturday til Sunday lunchtime. They would fill their boots at my parents house however.
This was I about 1978 and was talked about until their dying days.
My dad said he'd rather be a thief than a tight-arse which was of course a wild exaggeration but I did see his point.
Anyhoos, as the OP is ASD being the perfect host is reasonably not a given although after this thread am sure they'll be pushing the boat out prosecco/lagerwise.

Huskylover1 · 02/03/2019 15:53

Hmm, I think tedious funsponges, are probably the type of people who buy one miniature bottle per head. Always, always have far more food and drink in, than you need. Then no-one goes without.

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 15:53

@sleepthiefsmum18

"Can’t get over the whisky. Did she bring it round specially to celebrate or does she carry it at all times? Very odd."

My sister brought the whisky with her. My DH spotted it for sale at a semi reasonable price and she ordered some (it was £75 for a bottle, but hard to get out of Scotland so often marked up nearer £150 or not available at all).

OP posts:
Asta19 · 02/03/2019 15:54

I find the “I don’t drink so don’t provide it for guests” atttitude of some people quite baffling.

I never eat desert but I know that for my mum it’s her favourite part of the meal! So if she comes to stay, then desert is provided.

If someone is coming to stay I make sure there are toiletries they may need such as shower gel (I always have baths).

I only drink red wine but if I have a friend coming for the evening I’ll make sure I have some white/rose in also.

It’s just basic hosting skills. Likewise, anyone I have gone to stay with has got stuff in that I like or may need.