Not having larger for MIL... ?

[Bibijayne]

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

Some of the posters here have weirdly emotional reactions to the idea of maybe not having as much alcohol as possible for one night in someone's home. You'd really 'feel judged' if a busy young parent didn't make a special booze run for you?!

I would really love to hear from the MiL exactly why she is so upset. Has your DH gone to find out yet?

I still stick by my last post that it is most likely not even about that lager

Namechangeforthiscancershit

"A teething baby does not need both parents."

Maybe not, maybe so. Maintaining their stable bedtime routine is almost certain to be more advantageous to a fussy, teething six month old than not. Maybe sleep-deprived OP wanted him there as a backstop in case she fell asleep.

I'd say that's a judgement call for the parents.

The point is, households with children don't stop just because guests are over.

"...She invited herself last minute I keep reading this last minute thing but I can’t find any reference in the OP’s posts..."

OP has mentioned twice that MIL invited herself for the weekend the evening prior to her arrival.

jings Okay if that is the case. Maybe the MIL is misinterpreting it then as controlling? Because measuring out one measure of whisky and having a miniature bottle of prosecco will easily give out that vibe.

There is some really nasty disablist bullying going on within this thread. The op clearly stated she is autistic.

My Dsis looks really like me, there's only 18 months between us and for.most of our lives people have thought we were twins. DS clearly agrees and she is one of the only people he's never fussy with.

OP, I think you've got the answer on this. MIL seeing baby being happy with your sis whilst not being as comfortable with her, has upset her. Coupled with the attention Sis would have got for her big promotion, and everyone toasting her, was the straw that broke the camel back.

She knows she couldn't throw a strop for those reasons, so made it about a can lager that she never even drinks.

Also, as MIL is up at 5, she would have clocked the bottle of prosecco you got especially for her so I suspect she already knew you had catered for her already.

Also what Ce7913 said is very true.

Well her reaction was OTT but you sound like rotten hosts. Your DH could easily have walked 3 minutes to the shop to buy her some lager. And as for this squirrelling away your special honeymoon wine to drink yourselves. You sound mean tbh.

Waytooearly No, but there is a lot going on here. It is not really about having lager. It is far more complex than that.

FFS OP HAS ALREADY SAID THE PROSECCO MIL LIKES IS ONLY AVAILABLE IN SMALL BOTTLES

I don't drink either so I get where you're coming from. That said we do always stock up for guests.
I don't think this is about alcohol though. Your mil's sons are all having babies and her exdh just had twins. She's wresting with some big stuff.
I would give her some extra love and attention when she comes over. I think she has a lot on her plate.
For what it's worth you sound like a lovely dil for caring so much as does your dh. I don't think you did anything wrong and your mil is just sensitive right now. I would be too.

Why on earth would they buy a regular sized bottle of Prosecco just for the MIL? She wouldn’t have been able to drink it all by herself!

Eh? Unless she's a Munchkin, of course she could sink a bottle to herself. I can drink 2 bottles, if I'm in the mood. That's 6 large glasses, over a 5 hour period (7pm-midnight), which is one and a bit glasses per hour.

If someone handed me a miniature bottle, for the whole night I'd be tempted to laugh in their face. Or cry. Or punch them

Well this is an entertaining thread!

I think it’s a lot of misunderstandings that have led to this point. From all your updates your MIL is clearly going through a difficult time. She decided a weekend with you, her son and her grandchild would cheer her up. The weekend didn’t pan out as she’d hoped. Not your fault, not her fault. This isn’t really about lager.

When people are struggling the tiniest little thing is often the final straw. It’s a shame no one thought to offer her the Prosecco but that’s done now. I don’t think you were in the wrong either OP, but honestly next time just get the full bottle of Prosecco and offer it! Lol. If someone offered me a mini bottle I would think they were judging my drinking. I get that you don’t understand drinking etiquette but as a general rule you have enough to offer more than just the one glass. So a full bottle or a pack of 4 beers, and so on.

It was up to your DH though to make sure his mum was ok. As you said, you didn’t know about the conversation they had so that’s not your fault. Maybe when you speak to her just remember that it isn’t really about lager. She was just clearly feeling a bit low and a lot of little things just got to her.

FFS OP HAS ALREADY SAID THE PROSECCO MIL LIKES IS ONLY AVAILABLE IN SMALL BOTTLES

In which case, you'd buy several bottles. It's not rocket science.

Regards the 65 y/o and 51 y/o having just had twins. Sorry, but I just don't believe that.

FFS OP HAS ALREADY SAID THE PROSECCO MIL LIKES IS ONLY AVAILABLE IN SMALL BOTTLES

I actually find that quite difficult to believe!

I have ASD and I was trying to be precise to avoid drip feeding. I'm not controlling about booze, we just didn't have much in. That was all. I can't drink much and DH doesn't generally. We don't like the wine she usually likes, so stocked something she would like. She doesn't down a litre of fizz in one go. So a half bottle seemed a good idea - better than throwing away half a full bottle, and we'd have got another half bottle for tonight (or more) if she'd fancied it.

Is it MIL that's 51 or step-mil?

@Huskylover1

MIL usually goes to bed at 9pm.

Oh, I forgot about everyone going home at 8pm, because you have a baby. Bizarre.

He was gone for 10 minutes!! I take shits longer than that.

I wonder how much pandering the pp's berating OP actually do for other people... wake up at 5 am to make them coffee and have a chat,don't leave them alone at all, run out and but whatever they want when they want it etc. These are grownups ffs not a toddler!

Mil overreacted.
But also i think youre not the nost hospitable of hosts.
My dad doesnt drink beer. DH ONLY drinks beer.
My DH has a bottle of whisky for my dad in the house so when he pops in to see us, he can always have a drink that he likes to drink. Its just good hospitality surely. Similarly my dad has a case of beer always in his second fridge for whenever we visit so DH can have one if he wishes.
I thought families just did this. Unwritten rule and that.
I think its really uptight of your dh. And not very nice from you. My DH would have popped out to the shop 3 mins away and got the lager (and some crisps for myself of course) and not thought twice about it.
We've had unexpected visitors before and DH has popped out quickly to get drinks and nibbles.
I think if it was someone you like, you'd have made more effort. It just sounds like you dont like your mil at all.
Her reaction dont help tho

MIL usually goes to bed at 9pm

Who are these people? Unless she's very elderly, what madness is this?

A half bottle is not the same as a miniature bottle - since a standard bottle of wine contains 5 glasses (small ones, admittedly) then a half bottle will still contain at least 2 glasses of wine. The OP has said it's only available in half bottles in her small local booze shop

Honestly!

I’m starting to feel like I was actually there for this evening...

Yes miniature and half bottles are very different. Controversially I do not mind a half bottle of wine. They are cute and I can always open a second if necessary.

Mil is 61. StepMIL is 51.