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Original poster

Not having larger for MIL... ?

710 replies

Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 08:57

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

OP posts:
Feb2018mumma · 02/03/2019 12:56

The only person I've ever bought specific alcohol for is my 92 year old gran. She called me before her visit and said she has half a Stella every night so I bought her some!

If MIL knew she can't survive a night without lager or she will cry she should have bought one or called her son and told him she expected it! Not cry when he didnt leave dinner and go fetch her one?

Honestly! Good hosting isn't leaving dinner to buy whatever your guest wants at the shop! If you all think it is please can we be friends... I like moet but won't bring it to yours, you will have to go out and get me some during dinner or I will cry Smile

SauvignonBlanche · 02/03/2019 12:56

She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle).

Fully understand why you couldn’t pop out OP but don’t see why your DH didn’t go when his DM asked for some?

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 12:57

@ADropofReality not religious, or puritanical about booze. We just don't drink much. Didn't drink during pregnancy. Had pregnancy related liver and gallbladder issues - which can cause lingering issues with alcohol processing. Now get tipsy after half a glass. DH doesn't really drink unless others are.

A PP asked about the honeymoon wine. I was in hospital during our first anniversary, so we didn't celebrate it. DH wants to have a romantic picnic for our second (the plan for our first). We had some other wine. But it was all red. MIL doesn't like red and doesn't like most rose. She does really like prosecco and said she really enjoyed the one I bought when she was here over Christmas.

OP posts:
DameDoom · 02/03/2019 12:57

her ex (my FIL) has recently had twins with his current wife (they're 3 months older than my DS) Poor bloody MIL - that must be awful for her. I'd have bought a crate of lager and installed a prosecco tap. No wonder she is being sensitive.

AnnaMagnani · 02/03/2019 12:57

@clairemcnam I live in a small village. I get it about not locking doors. But if I went to a city I'd lock the bloody doors. Or if my son, said 'It's not like small village here mum, you have to lock the door' I'd not see this as something to have a great strop about.

Actually most people lock doors here as there is lots of theft from sheds and garages but this is besides the point

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 13:00

@SauvignonBlanche I think it's because she said not to worry. Didn't hear the convo, but he said she was asking what we had in and was surprised we didn't have enough some stashed away already. I think if she'd have said she really fancied something to join in he'd have gone out. He admits he totally misread the convo!

OP posts:
FriarTuck · 02/03/2019 13:01

MIL doesn't like red and doesn't like most rose.
And yet if you didn't have that she'd decide it was her favourite and the only thing she drinks.... Grin

joyfullittlehippo · 02/03/2019 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 13:02

@DameDoom

I think this is a thing. Current wife is wife number three (MIL was wife one, they divorced nearly 15 years ago now. FIL married the OW. Had three kids with her. She then cheated on him. They divorced. FIL got together with family friend. FIL is 65, StepMIL is 51).

OP posts:
havingabadhairday · 02/03/2019 13:03

Is breastfeeding upstairs weird? My in laws made it clear they weren't comfortable being around when I was BF DS, so I started going upstairs when they were visiting. Of course I didn't have to do that in my own home, but small house and frequently feeding baby meant they'd have spent most of the visit standing in the tiny kitchen if I hadn't.

Longdistance · 02/03/2019 13:03

When my mil visits, I buy her a nice bottle of rose which I pop in the fridge. She has it foisted into her hand as soon as she’s in the door.

Life’s too short. There were two adult who could have brought her some lager. Don’t be so bloody tight and unwelcoming. You both need to brush up on your hosting skills.

joyfullittlehippo · 02/03/2019 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaniceBattersby · 02/03/2019 13:06

Christ alive. I don’t know how some people manage to navigate their way through life. Lager or no lager, in the grand scheme of things it’s certainly not worth falling out with your family over. Even if you are, somehow, pissed off that your family was not psychic enough to buy a drink you’d never dunk before, and then when you wanted some, offered you several alternatives which were apparently not good enough, you just wake up in the morning and tell yourself off for being silly.

Lots of people have to live together in close proximity on this planet. That depends on people sucking up very minor incidents and not taking offence at silly little things.

clairemcnam · 02/03/2019 13:07

If people normally behave reasonably and without drama, I recognise that if they get overly upset about one incident, it is to do with wider things. It is so bloody obvious here that your MIL is dealing with a lot, and that this was the straw that broke the camels back. Be kind.

FriarTuck · 02/03/2019 13:11

As an aside, I'm seriously glad I got some lamb cutlets delivered today otherwise I'd be having to dig lamb chops out of the depths of the freezer. You can't beat lamb.
And I love the way posters are rewriting the story to suit themselves. By the time we get to page 20 OP will have fed MIL nothing but a lettuce leaf, refused her even a glass of water and made her sleep at the bottom of the garden in a cardboard box while her DH sits in the armchair ordering OP about and insisting she deep cleans the house, cooks him a banquet and juggles the 12 children, 3 goats, 2 dogs and a gerbil, while he plans his next affair. Let me be (hopefully) the first to say OP - LTB, go NC with MIL, and do something about your heavy drinking Grin

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 13:11

@Longdistance

I had bought her a drink. She mentioned lager to DH. He said we had none. She said no bother. He took that to mean she wasn't fussed on having a drink. This morning he found out she was. We were not being tight, or unwelcoming.

OP posts:
LuckyLou7 · 02/03/2019 13:13

Did I read that right? Your MIL's ex has just had twins with his new wife aged 51? Shock

Motherofcreek · 02/03/2019 13:14

You do sound like a bunch of joyless wonders who were very unkind to have sat there with a drink each, and not mentioned to MIL that there was a bottle of Prosecco especially for her in the fridge at roughly the same time you were listing out the tea, coffee, lemonade and five flavours of juice and squash she could’ve had instead

This ^^

Motherofcreek · 02/03/2019 13:15

Who even buys half bottles of fizz any way?

Yep. Dry arse hosts.

Notbarbie85 · 02/03/2019 13:15

She was offered whisky or juice. Nobody is going to take up the offer of a bottle of wine that you are saving from your wedding. Not offered the Prosecco either which I’m assuming is a single drink bottle anyway? You mention she was fine last night with baby cuddles. What happened when baby went to bed? Was she still ok after that? I’m really hoping you didn’t leave her on her own all night, but I’m getting that feeling.

Margot33 · 02/03/2019 13:15

Maybe pop out and get her a bottle? Maybe she's a bit hormonal and irrational?

clairemcnam · 02/03/2019 13:16

And I understand why your MIL behaved the way she did. Be kind, be welcoming and try seeing things from other peoples point of view.

PoshPenny · 02/03/2019 13:17

It's childish of her but your DH should have nipped to the shop and got her some lager last night. He needs to speak to her and sort it out as it sounds like a misunderstanding.

DameDoom · 02/03/2019 13:21

FIL is 65, StepMIL is 51 How bloody selfish having kids at that age. Have you talked to MIL about this?

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 02/03/2019 13:25

Maybe she's a bit hormonal and irrational?

I really wish people would stop blaming hormones for when women are being twats or irrational. Women are dismissed in society enough on the basis of that,without other women trying to excuse twattish behaviour with "hormones".