Not having larger for MIL... ?

[Bibijayne]

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

I’m firmly on the fence here.

You do sound like a bunch of joyless wonders who were very unkind to have sat there with a drink each, and not mentioned to MIL that there was a bottle of Prosecco especially for her in the fridge at roughly the same time you were listing out the tea, coffee, lemonade and five flavours of juice and squash she could’ve had instead.

But the thing about sulking all the next day because your husband wouldn’t go out to buy her something she never drinks and possibly doesn’t even like instead of the whisky doesn’t make her sound any better. She sounds like a person who revels in being difficult whenever the attention isn’t on her.

Verdict; shit hosts, shit guest.

How old is she could it be menopause and her emotions abit all over the place?

@dragonsfire

She's 61.

Verdict; shit hosts, shit guest. A very succinct summary SaucyJack

I went to the small bottle shop. I got a half bottle of the nice prossecco that I know she likes(only sold in half bottles) rather than a larger bottle of something I wasn't sure about. If she'd ever had lager before, I'd have bought some then.

I’d say that on this particular occasion, you weren’t the greatest hosts.

Your DH could apologise for his thoughtlessness, and then leave it at that.

The OP has explained that she has ASD and is being overly detailed due to that. All the posters still mocking the level of detail in her posts after that are being incredibly shitty.

OP obviously has no problem with her MIL drinking, because MIL was offered whisky. It’s not OP’s problem she randomly decided she wanted something they’ve never seen her drink before, nor that she insisted it wasn’t an issue when apparently it was a gigantic, tantrum worthy issue.

People who lie to your face then try and make you feel bad for not assuming they were lying to you shouldn’t be indulged. MIL is being absolutely ridiculous, and if this was about a DIL storming out of her MIL’s house because MIL didn’t happen to have a drink she fancied in the house, the replies would be extremely different.

I went to the small bottle shop

@SaucyJack

She spoke to my husband. I was not party to the convo. I only knew there was a problem this morning when she left.

I'd previously said hi to her and asked if she wanted coffee - but she said she was okay. Then went into the back garden to smoke. She only said she was upset and left when my husband came downstairs.

let's say she didn't 'stomp off'...

how about she was upset, tried to have a conversation with her son, got all choked up..started to cry , and ran out of the house because she wanted to escape before she started crying properly and made a scene?

@Holidayshopping

Oops. Bit freudian there! Sorry! I meant to say it is a smaller shop. Mostly beer and lager, with a small selection of fizz.

It sounds like your DH is being a bit of a crap husband-leaving you to do dinner, hold the baby and magic up extra food and is being a bit of a crap son, whilst he fails to make 1/3 of his guests (his own mum) a drink.

It’s not really your problem, OP. He needs to step up.

To prevent further confrontation just get a few cans in next time she is round- it’s not worth a confrontation over something so minor. Having said that yanbu.

@Takethebuscuitandthesink yup! Will do. Usually have more than an evening's notice for overnight guests. I usually get (jokingly) told off by MIL and the rest of the family for over catering.

I'll just add some lager to the next shop.

I never expect people to stock my favourite drinks when I visit them. Entitled much???

Bibijayne you sound really lovely and like a great host your daft DH should have offered your MIL the prosecco but he can be forgiven because you have a newborn baby in your home and you had extra guests turn up that neither of you were expecting.

Please don't feel bad you did nothing wrong and if I end up with a DIL like you then I will be over the moon(I have 3 DS)also 2 of my DC are asd and I often worry about they're futures I really hope like you they're able to get married when they're older and have they're own DC(all 5 of our DC love baby's and younger children and 2 are going to be working with children)and the fact that you make your MIL so welcome into your home and so often speaks volumes for you as a person,your MIL is a very lucky lady.

For what it's worth I think there is most probably something else going on for your MIL and this is just the thing that she's fixated on.

It could be becoming a Nan and getting the promotion at work both really lovely and positive but for some people when a big change happens even if it's positive it can throw them a bit,I've done the same in the past,I didn't storm off or anything but I did blub and felt like a right idiot.I'm still not sure why but I think for me it was probably the end of a really shitty time and then things getting good the tears were just a release of all of the crap that had come before.

If it was me I'd just text your MIL and say that you hope she's okay and that you've both worried about her and whenever she wants to talk about anything or she wants to come back then she's always welcome and that you both love her very much.

Congratulations on your new baby and well bloody done on hosting people and knocking up an extra meal at the drop of a hat with a tiny breastfed baby in the mix

I think - on reflection - she may have been a bit upset because our DS was being a bit clingy to me and DH at first. Though he was playing lots with her later. He's teething and is a bit wary of most people at first at the moment. My Dsis looks really like me, there's only 18 months between us and for.most of our lives people have thought we were twins. DS clearly agrees and she is one of the only people he's never fussy with.

I am just wracking my brains here. But it could be that?

how about she was upset, tried to have a conversation with her son, got all choked up..started to cry , and ran out of the house because she wanted to escape before she started crying properly and made a scene?

And driving off and turning your phone off so said son can't get a hold of you isn't making a scene?

Seriously who are all these people that can't serve themselves or bring what they want when they visit,that can't possibly leave the house at 6 pm, be happy of a selection of things even if they're not "THE THING" or simply ask and talk about what they want and what they feel,

So if this nice beer and wine shop is only 3 minutes from the house, why didn’t somebody/anybody go and get something? You sound like a family which enjoys making a mountain out of a molehill. Crikey.

OP I would stop fretting about it if I were you. It's not your fault. Your MIL probably felt unwelcome because of a combination of things/events and is perhaps slightly over-sensitive. I think your DH should apologise to your MIL for not being more attentive to her, not just her drink choice. It's between them. It sounds like you didn't do anything out of malice and already have a lot on your plate.

Thank you @ohtheholidays

I'll message her and try and call later.

Has he contacted her since she left or will she still be driving?

Some weird responses on here.

I don't drink much and it wouldn't occur to me, especially in OP's position, to get loads of random booze in on the off chance a guest might like it.

As for being "left out" of "celebrations", three people had a whisky, one person had a lemonade, MIL was offered both and refused. Her problem, not for others to faff about going to the shops and making everyone wait so she can be indulged with whatever else she might prefer.

Definitely something else going on here.

I’m now wondering if MIL had some news to share or something she really wanted to discuss but felt that DSis stole her thunder. Then when nobody appeared in the morning she’d just had enough.

Whatever the situation, your DH needs to deal with it not you.

We would have messaged her to ask what she wanted in or gone to the shop that evening and got it for her!!!
Sounds like the straw that broke the camels back really.