Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 11 12 13 ··· 28 29

Original poster

Not having larger for MIL... ?

710 replies

Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 08:57

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

OP posts:

burnoutbabe · 02/03/2019 11:18

if she kept nipping out for a cigarette, why not use that time to walk and get some beers if suddenly desperate for them?

ARandomPoster · 02/03/2019 11:20

So the MIL had wine, prosecco and whisky all freely available to her (in a house of non-drinkers) yet decided to throw a tantrum because she wanted something she’d never even drunk before

No. There was whiskey but mil doesn't like it and asked if there was an alternative. She was told there were 2 bottles of wine in the house, bought on honeymoon and being saved for a special occasion. She politely declined this offer and it was clear she wasn't really welcome to open a bottle.
And there was prosecco in the fridge, which she almost definately knew about. But it wasnt offered.

frazzledasarock · 02/03/2019 11:24

I wouldn’t leave my door unlocked, but I hve no problems being out and about till late. They’re two different issues.

The MIL sounds like she’s thrown a tantrum because she didn’t have full attention on her at all times during her visit.

If OP & her DH don’t normally drink much they won’t think to have all different sorts of drinks in I imagine, they didn’t know sister was going to randomly turn up celebrate a promotion.

It’s an issue between MIL & her son really, I know my MIL would tell DP what she wanted and tell him off if she thought he was being rude.

Poor OP, she wasn’t even aware there was anything going on till MIL rushed out in hysterics this morning.

The MIL sounds like hard work. Altho DH should have offered to go get her lager.

BertrandRussell · 02/03/2019 11:24

Are you sure it was a “small” bottle of Prosecco” OP? Exactly how small? And do you have a Prosecco measure?

ComeMonday · 02/03/2019 11:24

Did you ask your MIL or consider how she might feel about your sister and BIL coming over? Perhaps your MIL wanted to enjoy her tome alone with your family. I personally HATE when I’m visiting someone and they invite someone I don’t know well without asking first. Even if they do ask it’s hard to say no in that situation. (Obviously different if it’s a party or whatever, but that’s not what we’re talking about.)

DameDoom · 02/03/2019 11:25

Why was the unoffered bottle of prosecco so small? I cannot fathom the idea of buying in so little for a guest who is staying - I'd be worried they'd think I was tight.
I can't help but imagine the most monotonously Spartan of stays - all sitting bolt upright and tense in a barely furnished living room with the big light on, sipping weak squash (measured amount) and muttering about latches.

AnnaMagnani · 02/03/2019 11:26

It wasn't offered

Well, she could have said 'What about that prosecco in the fridge if we are celebrating?'

But instead she seems to have decided to have a drama all of her own.

SileneOliveira · 02/03/2019 11:26

Fags and "larger". Keeping it klassy.

FriarTuck · 02/03/2019 11:28

Did you ask your MIL or consider how she might feel about your sister and BIL coming over? Perhaps your MIL wanted to enjoy her tome alone with your family. I personally HATE when I’m visiting someone and they invite someone I don’t know well without asking first.
Did you RTFT? Sis turned up unexpectedly!!! Yes perhaps MIL wanted time with OP & DH, equally perhaps OP wanted time with MIL & DH, but Sis & BIL turned up so other than telling them to sod off (which OP would then have been slated for) there was no option.

Holidayshopping · 02/03/2019 11:28

It's why I got in something I knew she liked in the limited time I had.

Were you in a shop that only sold miniature bottles?

FullOfJellyBeans · 02/03/2019 11:29

Well, she could have said 'What about that prosecco in the fridge if we are celebrating?'

To be fair no one is going to do that, especially in a house where whisky is measured out in single shots. It does sound like OP and her DH were very discouraging of MiL having anything to drink.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 02/03/2019 11:29

Who, when they have guests and hears them up and about in the morning, doesn’t go down, make them a tea/coffee and chat to them?

Is this a thing? I find that more weird/awkward than being free to help yourself,wake up in peace etc.

Last time I stayed at my best friend's house her DD woke up first,then my DD. Took both girls down,threw some breakfast at them and I had a fag and a red bull. Got the baby when she woke up,fed her and my friend got up at about 10 really grateful for the lie in. I didn't run away crying because I was so neglected and didn't have a welcoming committee at the bottom of the stairs when I got up.

My own mother when she visits gets up around 4:30/5 am , there's no chance in hell I'm getting up that early to make her a cup of coffee and have "a chat".

FriarTuck · 02/03/2019 11:29

Why was the unoffered bottle of prosecco so small? I cannot fathom the idea of buying in so little for a guest who is staying - I'd be worried they'd think I was tight.
If neither OP or DH are drinking much then a small bottle sounds better. MIL is surely more likely to accept a small bottle than having a big bottle opened just for her and then feeling like she either has to drink it all or feel bad for wasting it. More likely she'd turn it down. Small bottles solve that dilemma.

FriarTuck · 02/03/2019 11:31

Who, when they have guests and hears them up and about in the morning, doesn’t go down, make them a tea/coffee and chat to them?
If you think your host is like that you feel obliged to stay in bed until you hear your host up when really you're dying of thirst, starving & bored rigid.

winsinbin · 02/03/2019 11:31

I agree with PPs. If my mum visited and mentioned she fancied a drink of anything (tea/Irnbru/champagne/anything) that I didn’t have in one of us would nip unobtrusively out to the shop and get it for her. Equally if a guest had a passing fancy for a biscuit or barm cake and they were as easily available as your MILs lager was I would see it as good hosting to get them in for them. I certainly wouldn’t expect them to go out and buy it themself.

You do sound judgy about alcohol consumption and I would imagine her huff was as much about that and feeling unwelcome as it was about not getting her preferred drink.

frazzledasarock · 02/03/2019 11:32

Wow, if I visit someone’s house as a guest, I don’t attempt to dictate who they can then have joining them!

OP’s sister & BIL popped in unexpectedly and MIL knows them and doesn’t have a problem with them according to OP.

I’d never invite over people who decided to dictate to me who could drop by my house during the duration of their visit.

People are so weird.

mum11970 · 02/03/2019 11:32

Any chance there’s more to this feeling unwelcome, than just the lack of lager? Did your MIL get sent to bed or made to sit quietly in the corner when you threw your sister and bil out so the baby could go to bed? I’ll put money on it being a house of tiptoeing and whispering once the baby is in bed.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 02/03/2019 11:32

She was told there were 2 bottles of wine in the house, bought on honeymoon and being saved for a special occasion.

She wasn't freaking told that!! That's the explanation OP gave US as to why the bottles were there.

SoyDora · 02/03/2019 11:34

The thing is OP, there’s obviously more to her feeling unwelcome than the lack of lager (unless she’s prone to this sort of behaviour, but I think you would have mentioned that). So it’s up to your DH to find out what the issue actually is, when she’s calmed down.

FaFoutis · 02/03/2019 11:37

The first time I met my step-mother (I was in my 30s) she said she only drank on special occasions. She did not drink on that occasion. I got the message. I think the OP's MIL did too.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/03/2019 11:37

OP it's fine because this isn't on you.

You have a fully grown man who has known your MIL since his birth. She was the one he spoke to. He wasn't doing anything else because you had the baby and was doing dinner and geney entertaining so he could have gone to the shops. She's disappeared after talking to him. He needs to sort it out and hel you out more round the house

DoctorDread · 02/03/2019 11:39

Op said she didn't here the exchange between dh and mil - not sure why she's getting flak for this when she wasn't the one who even had the convo? Anyway the stomping off seems highly dramatic and more than a little passive aggressive. Perhaps she could've just ASKED for what she wanted if her son was being less than forthcoming?

DoctorDread · 02/03/2019 11:39

Hear not here.

ChampionThreadKiller · 02/03/2019 11:39

We were just having a quiet night in (lamp chops). .

Original poster

Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 11:40

Yup @FriarTuck - I've also invited MIL over whenever she wants (she lives 1hr 30 away) and the spare room is hers if she wants it. Just to give me a heads up when she's on the way so that we're in and not out walking the dog.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 ··· 11 12 13 ··· 28 29