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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not having larger for MIL... ?

710 replies

Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 08:57

MIL came to stay for a couple of nights this weekend. She has just stormed off upset this morning because my husband didn't offer her a larger last night (we don't have any!)

We have a 6 month old. And were never the biggest drinkers before. Last night my sister and BIL invaded briefly (unexpected but pleasant) because she wanted to celebrate her first pay cheque since getting a big promotion. Her hubbie was driving - so only on lemonade. She had a nice bottle of whisky. She had a single shot (measured) as did my husband and I. She offered a shot to my MIL but my MIL said she doesn't like whisky.

Unbeknownst to me, she asked my DH if we had anything else. We mostly have some spirits (literally not touched in over a year... Most unopened) and a couple of bottles of wine (saved for a special occasion and bought on our honeymoon 18 months ago. Plan was to open one on our anniversary later this year). He said what we had (not much). She asked if we had any beer or larger. He said no (we don't, but there's a very nice beer and larger shop about 3 minutes walk from our house. So if we fancy something we just go and buy a single bottle). He said we had tea, coffee, squash and lemonade too.

This morning, we come down. DH wanders into the kitchen (she's been up for a bit, but not really said hi. We've been feeding and wrangling the small person. He's breastfed, so I fed him upstairs). She then gets massively emotional. All I can hear is her saying (tearfully) 'I don't want to impose' before running for the door, with my husband chasing after her begging her to stay.

I am flabbergasted and ask if it was us asking about the latch (5 mins before I'd noticed she'd left the front door open after going for a fag. Before then going out the back door. We're fairly centrally located in a biggish city and this is a security issue! She's used to living in a village, DH said he'd mention it. I thought she may have overheard and been offended. Though not sure why :/ )

DH then explains that she felt we were policing her alcohol consumption. And she wasn't welcome because he said we had no larger...

She turned her phone off and drove off. So DH hasn't been able to get hold of her.

Really not sure what on Earth is going on!

OP posts:
YourSarcasmIsDripping · 02/03/2019 11:04

And yet you expect her to walk alone, at night, in the dark, to buy a drink so she can feel included in your family's celebration.

At 6 pm?? Everyone had left by 8. It's not the wilds of Africa ffs.

Holidayshopping · 02/03/2019 11:04

So, whilst you were cooking the dinner, making it stretch to two extras (I’d actually have said-you should have rung, we are just about to eat! Can you come back later/tomorrow? Who turns up at 6pm not thinking people might be eating?!) and juggling a hungry baby, your DH was doing what?

I think he treated his mum pretty thoughtlessly and that’s why she was upset,

Cuttingthegrass · 02/03/2019 11:05

How do you make a meal of lamb chops stretch to feed two extra?

So first your DH has mentioned the latch and then he hasn’t.

I imagine with the events of last night and leaving her downstairs alone this morning combined have made her feel uncomfortable. She’s gone to calm down instead of possibly causing further tension. She can’t win really can she.

Pissedoffdotcom · 02/03/2019 11:06

We don't drink in our house. If we have overnight guests i ask them what they want in - if they say X, i get it. If they say not to worry, i don't get anything in. Simple as that. If MiL usually has X & has decided one night she wants Y, it's on her to go fetch unless someone is already going to the shop. She's a grown up ffs

gamerwidow · 02/03/2019 11:06

I think he treated his mum pretty thoughtlessly and that’s why she was upset

Yes it's not really the OPs problem her DH should have been hosting duties while she was doing dinner. Really your DH should be sorting this out.

Nothinglefttochoose · 02/03/2019 11:07

I always buy the alcohol I know my guests like. It’s common courtesy. I do it for the MIL too. You sound like you have an issue with alcohol.

joyfullittlehippo · 02/03/2019 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmeraldShamrock · 02/03/2019 11:10

Your DH needs to make it better with his DM. His behaviour and lack of interest in making his DM feel welcome.
It sounds like she had a miserable time and acted out, he needs to apologise too.

EmeraldShamrock · 02/03/2019 11:11

DH and DM apologise make up with each other I mean.

SoyDora · 02/03/2019 11:11

There was plenty of alcohol for the MIl, she just randomly decided she wanted something she never ever drank

There was a small bottle of Prosecco and 2 bottles of wine, which she wasn’t offered.

HoraceCope · 02/03/2019 11:12

is it ok to have whiskey when you are breastfeeding op?

SoyDora · 02/03/2019 11:12

is it ok to have whiskey when you are breastfeeding op?

Yes it’s fine.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 02/03/2019 11:13

@Nothinglefttochoose except they didn't know MIL liked it before she's never drank it before. OP had bought a drink that she knew MIL liked.

ARandomPoster · 02/03/2019 11:14

But it is the OP who has posted asking a question, not her DH. So it is the OP who is receiving our answers.

And she has posted on AIBU, not chat. So she is getting our opinions.

And while she has been otherwise occupied her DH has failed to make his mother feel welcome in his home, while the OP's family were accommodated with no prior notice.

Yes, the OP bought the MIL's usual drink but the DH failed to offer it, and failed to accommodate her voiced wishes when she requested something other than whiskey. And failed to do so whilst socialising with his wife's family.

FullOfJellyBeans · 02/03/2019 11:14

The whole thing seems weird on both sides. If a guest was staying and asked if we had any beer I'd offer to get them some from the corner shop. I've done this a number of times as we're not really drinkers so won't have much in the house. Why mention that you can go to the shop and get "a single larger". Surely if your guests asked for some you'd at least get a 4 pack? On the other hand her reaction was odd and OTT.

joyfullittlehippo · 02/03/2019 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cptartapp · 02/03/2019 11:15

Perhaps you'd get in better with my MIL. She drinks warm Vimto at Christmas.

FullOfJellyBeans · 02/03/2019 11:16

Also it sounds clear that the wine in the house wasn't available to MiL (it was saved for a special occasion). It does all sound a bit controlled - who measures out whisky? You just pour a little bit out surely?

HoraceCope · 02/03/2019 11:16

no hippo, the wine and prosecco were not offered

PepsiLola · 02/03/2019 11:16

Make sure you've popped to shops for some lager invade she comes back

SoyDora · 02/03/2019 11:16

So the MIL had wine, prosecco and whisky all freely available to her

She didn’t know they had wine or Prosecco, as it wasn’t offered to her.

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 11:16

No. MIL still had the food she expected. It wasn't a family meal. I just put some dinner on. MIL usually helps herself to what she fancies and has stayed a far few times. She knows my sister well and they get along.

I went without lamb chops because my sister doesn't like beef burgers. I put on four beef burgers for myself and my BIL. I steam extra beg and got out some nice bread I'd bought that afternoon .

Dsis usually let's us know in advance before coming round. But was excited. She didn't expect to be fed. But they arrived mid-cooking. So I put some extra on.

This wasn't a big family meal, just a usual supper. I had already planned with MIL to wake her out for dinner today - but left.

I have ASD and dyslexia. And I'm quite flustered and upset. Thus the typos.

I'm trying not to drop feed!

DH and I have been best friends for over a decade. Got together nearly five years ago and married 18 months ago.

MIL has been to stay dozens of times. She usually brings something if she fancies it. Or says. Yes, DH should have offered her the prossecco but forgot about it. And his mum said she wasn't fussed. She seemed happy and in good spirits and was chatting to everyone and playing with our DS.

I don't know much about drinking etiquette as I rarely drink. My FIL (MIL's exH) is Muslim and lives in the middle east. Her sister is a Quaker and doesn't drink. My mum has diabetes,arthritis and gout so doesn't drink and my dad has heart failure and one lung and can't drink more than a weak shandy because of his meds. My dsis likes the occasionally glass of whisky or real ale. My BIL doesn't drink often. My brother's wife is Buddhist and doesn't drink, so he rarely does either. We're not really used to drinking etiquette, but she was offered what we had.

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 02/03/2019 11:17

The lager is a side issue. Who, when they have guests and hears them up and about in the morning, doesn’t go down, make them a tea/coffee and chat to them? It doesn’t take two people to sort out a six month baby. I also suspect she saw the Prosecco and wondered why she hadn’t been offered it. It’s not the way i’d treat my guests or expect to be treated in someone else’s house.

billybagpuss · 02/03/2019 11:17

Who the hell measures whisky when pouring it at home

Actually me, I do, although in my case its usually gin. I do enjoy a drink but I like to know how much I've had and you're far more likely to still be over the limit the following morning if you free pour.

Original poster
Bibijayne · 02/03/2019 11:17

@SoyDora

She knew about the wine. DH pointed out our supply along with the spirits we had.

OP posts: