Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to friends wedding tomorrow...I'm the bridesmaid

729 replies

sillyandsally · 01/03/2019 19:05

I had a baby 3 months ago and she isn't sleeping on a night at all.
I'm lucky if I get 2 hours sleep.
I'm exhausted to a point I feel sick.
My friends wedding tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid but I know tonight I will be lucky to get even 3 hours sleep so I'm going to be in no fit state.
I feel so sick and exhausted with tiredness.
Aibu to tell her I can't go?
The wedding is at 1pm but she wants me over at 9am for makeup and hair.
I don't know what to do

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 01/03/2019 20:20

you say u hope its would get better but even a month before would have been better to say i dont thinik im going to be able to come the baby isnt sleeping-you cant just pull out the night before

im assuming your bf is thinking everything is fine with you and has no idea

Borderterrierpuppy · 01/03/2019 20:20

Could you ask you exes parents to keep baby the night after wedding so at least you would get a sleep that night?

YepImafraidIchangeditagain · 01/03/2019 20:20

@JacquesHammer -

Oh so it's ok to @ when YOU feel that someone is being unkind or not agreeing with you?

You do tend to have a certain tone when you post, I wouldn't be the first to feel like you set yourself apart from other MN'ers.

nikita190 · 01/03/2019 20:20

My best friend got married when my baby was 8 weeks old. I was up throughout the night with her and had a few hours sleep as you would expect and I was so exhausted I couldve slept on a chickens lip!
I also had a lasting trauma to deal with too for months after the birth. Close Friend or not you cannot let her down!
You try and sleep as you can tonight get a coffee Sugar and red bull down your neck through the day and after photos you say u need a lie down and you sleep for an hour or so to re charge for the night! You cannot let her down

JacquesHammer · 01/03/2019 20:21

I never look at peoples names but there are a few I have seen repeatedly arguing the toss on various threads

Ah well. Difference of opinion all good.

rightreckoner · 01/03/2019 20:21

Poor you! I get it. Also a single parent and I went to my best friend's wedding on day 10. Not as bridesmaid admittedly but it nearly killed me to get there. I look absolutely mad in the photos!

I think really you have to get through it. You will feel shit. Worse than shit. But you feel appalling sitting at home as well. You are just going to feel absolutely awful until this phase has passed and going or not going doesn't really change that. As she's your BF I think you need to get through the day as best you can.

Hope you manage to get through and things improve for you shortly.

Tavannach · 01/03/2019 20:21

YABU. As much sleep as you can get tonight.
Red Bull tomorrow.
Keep thinking, "Big smile. Sunday is coming."
If you're totally knackered you could leave early, after the ceremony and a couple of photos, or the speeches, or the meal but I think you have to go because you haven't given the bride time to find a replacement.

AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo · 01/03/2019 20:22

Not that impressed by the pile-on on Jacques, tbh.

JacquesHammer · 01/03/2019 20:22

Oh so it's ok to @ when YOU feel that someone is being unkind or not agreeing with you?

Please go check that posters posts. They said nothing other than repeatedly and deliberately mentioning the OP’s partner and husband.

You do tend to have a certain tone when you post, I wouldn't be the first to feel like you set yourself apart from other MNers

You probably wouldn’t. I’ll survive though given its an anon forum Smile.

shpoot · 01/03/2019 20:22

@AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo I agree with you about weddings these days.

However, to be told less than 12 hours before and after you've forked out for all the bridesmaid gear is a bit much.

She's lived on 3 hours sleep for months. Why can't she do one day for her best friend? I'd be pissed off to be honest and I'm not the bridezilla type at all!

iwasagirlinavillage · 01/03/2019 20:23

Can you make an arrangement with someone to have your baby for a night/day one day next week? Even knowing that you've got a day to catch up on sleep in the not too distant future might help you to get through tomorrow.

JacquesHammer · 01/03/2019 20:23

Not that impressed by the pile-on on Jacques, tbh

Thank you, that’s kind hut it’s really fine Smile

leftovercoffeecake · 01/03/2019 20:26

Sorry OP but I think you've left it way too late to pull out now. It's not fair to do that to her the night before her wedding.

Also, is she paying for your dress/hair/makeup/etc? Because that's another big cause for upset if you pull out last minute.

Just think, in 24 hours time you can go home early and get into bed. It doesn't matter if you leave early, but I think not going at all would be really unfair on your friend.

Figgygal · 01/03/2019 20:26

You have to push through it tomorrow you really do or you should have alternative made arrangements a lot sooner than this

shpoot · 01/03/2019 20:27

Crushing. Especially given I’ve never come across you before. Clearly you don’t make an impression.

Oh come on. That's goady. It's hardly a pile on Grin

Larrythelamb84 · 01/03/2019 20:27

You need to be winding down now, heading to bed as soon as baby sleeps and grabbing whatever you can. Up in the morning, hand over baby, take some pro plus and suck it up. You really can't let her down, and I think you know that.

I've been there, no help, feeling sick with exhaustion. Even now, my youngest is 7, forever poorly, terrible sleeper and I run on empty, but I have to crack on. When I'm at my worst, pro plus tends to get me through, and I only use it as an absolute last resort.

I think you'd regret it if you don't go, and may lose the friendship as a result. Try and have the best possible day, and enjoy being pampered in the morning. It may be just what you need to get you in the mood.

MumUndone · 01/03/2019 20:28

Hopefully OP is asleep...

IvanaPee · 01/03/2019 20:28

Oh come on. That's goady.

I’d say more lacking in intelligence, considering people can name change 😂😂

YepImafraidIchangeditagain · 01/03/2019 20:28

You probably wouldn’t. I’ll survive though given its an anon forum *

Yep- I guess that you're not confident in your opinions in real life to be as condescending to people, as you are on here.

And PP, don't give out sympathy where it's not required. Posters are obtuse because they want a reaction and debate.

JacquesHammer · 01/03/2019 20:29

I’d say more lacking in intelligence, considering people can name change

Very fair point Grin

Fortunately for you I don’t name change so you can avoid me to your heart’s content Smile

AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo · 01/03/2019 20:29

Jacques, I'm sure you can stick up for yourself :) but I still found it ugly behaviour and worth calling out as such - this place can be enough of a bear pit as it is Grin

Welshwabbit · 01/03/2019 20:30

I was my friend's bridesmaid 3 weeks after having my second. I was knackered (although I am pretty sure much less knackered than you) but it was such a lovely day. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to have a completely different day - a change is as good as a rest thing. It may really help you get out of the cycle of being so tired you can't sleep. From what you've said it really doesn't sound as though you will get any rest ruminating at home. Honestly OP, though it sounds counter intuitive I think it could really help you. I hope you do go.

feelingsinister · 01/03/2019 20:30

If you'd had a conversation with her even a week ago and explained everything it might have been ok and you could have worked something out like not getting hair and make up done at hers. Tonight though she will be excited but stressed and you really can't land this on her. You've had time to talk to her and clearly haven't.

One of my bridesmaids got pregnant after I'd asked her and we had a chat about it. Her daughter was about 5 weeks old on my wedding day and we knew there was a chance that she could be very overdue/have had a c section. We agreed that I would like her to still be bridesmaid if she was happy to but there was absolutely no issue if when it came to it she was in no fit state to do it.
I knew the situation and took the risk because I love her and wanted her involved if she could be.
I wouldn't have minded if she'd gone off for a sleep or gone home after the photos.

Where is the wedding happening? If a hotel can you have a nap later in the day when not much is happening?

Wellcolourmehappy · 01/03/2019 20:31

Yep! Been there OP and honestly you can do this!
First speak to your friend (right now):and ask what is the latest you can be there for hair and make up.
Then go to bed - if you are comfortable co-sleeping, do it!
Wake up as late as you can manage then shower and coffee,coffee,coffee!!!
I bet once you're with your friend,relaxing having your hair and make up done and then the excitement starts to kick in you will feel better. You can have a day off from being the constant hands on Mum and although it might feel strange to be without your baby - it's also nice to get a break!
Get the ceremony,photos,meal etc done then whizz back home for a couple of hours sleep or if the reception is in a hotel could you borrow your friends or her sisters room to get your head down for a couple of hours?
Then more coffee!! Then back for cutting the cake, first dance etc have a few drinks, a dance because after the wedding you'll be back to being a single Mum with a baby and no sleep!
I really don't think you will regret just powering through tomorrow.
Single parenthood can be tough and isolating so grab the chance for a day off when you can!
This is not meant to be lighthearted - you might need more sleep but a day at a friends wedding can be more energising and uplifting than you realise and you can have a lazy day , napping when your baby does on Sunday.

QuilliamCakespeare · 01/03/2019 20:32

Completely unacceptable to pull out so late. I say this as someone who knows knackered - my 2 year old still doesn't sleep through and was up several times a night until very recently.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread