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Original poster

To not go to friends wedding tomorrow...I'm the bridesmaid

729 replies

sillyandsally · 01/03/2019 19:05

I had a baby 3 months ago and she isn't sleeping on a night at all.
I'm lucky if I get 2 hours sleep.
I'm exhausted to a point I feel sick.
My friends wedding tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid but I know tonight I will be lucky to get even 3 hours sleep so I'm going to be in no fit state.
I feel so sick and exhausted with tiredness.
Aibu to tell her I can't go?
The wedding is at 1pm but she wants me over at 9am for makeup and hair.
I don't know what to do

OP posts:
TwatsJammer · 01/03/2019 20:32
Grin
ItsJustASimpleLine · 01/03/2019 20:32

Honestly. I know how you feel and it is totally justified but I think when you do get sleep.you will regret not being there for your friend.

Contact her and explain you're going to be late that you've had a bad run and ask what's the absolute latest you can arrive. Hair and make up are usually done in stages so ask for the latest 'slot' . Any time you get back spend lying down trying to relax rather then sleep, but set an alarm in case you do nod off.

Call in a shop/petrol station etc and stock up on sugary treats/energy drinks.

Avoid alcohol, in your sleep deprived state it will not do you any favours.

Stay as long as you can. The priorities are ceremony and photos, if you can make it through the meal all the better. In the nicest way you'll begin to look as rough as you feel so when you come explain that you're leaving you'll genuinely look like you need too.

Longer term you need help, this level of sleep deprivation is awful, you must be really struggling and you shouldn't have too. Your daughter has two parents and grandparents. Try to.come to an arrangement so you can get some sleep.

Best of luck.

TicketyBoo83 · 01/03/2019 20:33

My MOH signed the register which meant her details were on the marriage license when we applied. If she hadn’t turned up to sign then my marriage wouldn’t have been legal! Granted, I’m in Scotland but I imagine the process is similar where you are?

JacquesHammer · 01/03/2019 20:33

TwatsJammer

Grin
Oysterbabe · 01/03/2019 20:34

You'll have to tough this one out I'm afraid.

Nomorepies · 01/03/2019 20:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

QueenofmyPrinces · 01/03/2019 20:34

I haven’t read the full thread but if you were my friend OP I would understand. You sound exhausted.

True friendship isn’t about putting on a pretty dress and posing for photos, it’s caring about your friend when they’re truly struggling.

I can’t imagine a situation when I would ever, ever disown a true friend who was a bridesmaid who had to pull out for the reasons you give. I’d be worried about her, not angry at her.

I hope you’re ok Flowers

gubbsywubbsy · 01/03/2019 20:35

She will never talk to you again if you don't go .. especially if she doesn't have children as she will never understand the tiredness .

Meandwinealone · 01/03/2019 20:35

This is surely when adrenaline kicks in.
You just find yourself getting on with it. Much like you find yourself getting on with looking after a baby.
You’ll be just fine.

JRMisOdious · 01/03/2019 20:36

Is there anyone, mum, dad, sibling, friend who can be there with you for a couple of hours first thing so you can sleep before the wedding?
Call your friend now, tell her you love her, that you’ll be there supporting her at the ceremony and for toasts at the reception but you can’t be there for hair and make up.

You’re her bridesmaid but she’s your friend too, she’ll understand.

Ididalwayswonder · 01/03/2019 20:37

It's for one day. It'll soon be over. That's not to say, I don't understand chronic tiredness, I do.

Fiveredbricks · 01/03/2019 20:38

Your partner (if around) gets up with baby tonight. You go to bed now. Like right now. You suck it up and you go.

One of my bridesmaids cancelled the day before my wedding (and then refused to fedex the dress to me for someone else to use to take her place 🙄).

I was devastated. She was my oldest friend. I haven't seen her in 6 years now.

SuddenlyISee · 01/03/2019 20:39

@Fiveredbricks RTFT Hmm

strawberrypenguin · 01/03/2019 20:39

I think it's too late to pull out. Honestly I think if you do pull out you'll feel even worse.

What time is your DD being picked up from you? Could you get a bit more sleep once she's with her Grandparents?

I hear you, sleep deprivation is awful but you can't pull out this late in the day.

WildfirePonie · 01/03/2019 20:40

Don't go OP. If she is your friend she'll understand surely?! Not worth the risk if you have to drive there also!

EvePolastriBaby · 01/03/2019 20:40

I hope she's asleep and her phone is off for notifications.
Sleep well, try to enjoy the day.

Sleepyquest · 01/03/2019 20:40

Wedding days are stressful for the bride. If you cancel on her on her WEDDING DAY, your friendship will be over and will not recover. How awful that you would do that!

recrudescence · 01/03/2019 20:41

If you decide you can do this I think you will be proud of yourself in the future.

Fiveredbricks · 01/03/2019 20:41

@SuddenlyISee OP has had months to arrange for someone else to help tonight. No sympathy.

pinkyredrose · 01/03/2019 20:41

Can her father look after her tonight? Presumably he wanted a kid so he should be happy to do so.

lottiegarbanzo · 01/03/2019 20:43

The thing is when you're that tired, you're that tired whatever you're doing. What you are doing doesn't actually make much difference (unless it's brain surgery, or other skilled activity requiring total mental focus). In fact, doing something can be a useful distraction and feel much better than sitting around paying attention to the fact you feel tired.

Go. Drag yourself through it. Then it will be done. You'll still be tired but you'll be a bit happy too.

BikeRunSki · 01/03/2019 20:44

One of my dc did not sleep for more than 3 bites at a stretch for 3 years, I know that overwhelming fatigue of long-standing sleeplessness. Huwrver, on this occasion I think you need to drink s lot of Red Bull and step up. Unless you are bf, in which you need to eat a lot of sugary carbs. And do your own hair and make up.

Good luck!

howwillwedeal · 01/03/2019 20:44

Your partner (if around) gets up with baby tonight. You go to bed now. Like right now. You suck it up and you go.

Read the thread, no partner!
*
One of my bridesmaids cancelled the day before my wedding (and then refused to fedex the dress to me for someone else to use to take her place 🙄).*

Bloody hell are bridesmaids like the car that takes you to the wedding? Replaceable as easy as that?
*
I was devastated. She was my oldest friend. I haven't seen her in 6 years now.*

Oh well!

mkmo · 01/03/2019 20:46

I think you should go, call her now and arrange to be the last to do hair and make up so can come in later

DawgLover · 01/03/2019 20:47

Can you do what some other posters have suggested, get the last "slot" and try to power nap until then? Then hightail it home after the pictures and sleep for the rest of the day/evening?

If you really cant function and truly feel you cant go for the ceremony and pictured I agree with another poster- "come down" with norovirus. You must be in an awful place to be considering not going, and you could do without other people judging you when you sound so low.

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