To not go to friends wedding tomorrow...I'm the bridesmaid

[sillyandsally]

I had a baby 3 months ago and she isn't sleeping on a night at all.
I'm lucky if I get 2 hours sleep.
I'm exhausted to a point I feel sick.
My friends wedding tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid but I know tonight I will be lucky to get even 3 hours sleep so I'm going to be in no fit state.
I feel so sick and exhausted with tiredness.
Aibu to tell her I can't go?
The wedding is at 1pm but she wants me over at 9am for makeup and hair.
I don't know what to do

Not how many random hangers on were at the buffet

How is a bridesmaid a 'random hanger on'? You do understand what 'bridesmaid' means, who they tend to be and what their role for the day is, yes?

I hope OP is still at the wedding having a lovely time

I think you should go OP

GirlsBlouse17 please say this is a joke post?

Joking!

GirlsBlouse17 thank god!

Nearly 600 posts and people think their contribution of “you should go” could be in any way helpful or relevant, at least give the OP's posts a read.

Well done OP. You did the right thing as hard as it was

Ok so the MN police are about tonight. Personally I use MN for a bit of light entertainment and occasional advice but I don't sit informing people of updates and ordering people to RTFT because real life isn't like that. People dip in and out.The thread title asks a question and I'm answering it because no , I don't have time to RTFT! Threads come up in searches and it's always helpful to see replies whether historic or current so please don't feel the need to police me, I'm just fine as I am.

I saw this thread yesterday but didnt have time to post. Glad to come back and see you went but shocked at some of the responses.
Noone who isnt truly absolutely exhausted or stressed would consider letting down the bride on their big day. I didnt think you came across as selfish in your OP. I hope after the wedding you are able to share with your friend how you feel, and go to the GP to get some support.
Well done

Well done OP. Really. Had everyone said ‘fuck it off, stay at home” you would have. Asking a wider audience you got the reply that was needed. Bloody well done for helping your friend have an amazing day.

@greenpop21

I agree with you! I usually try to take note of whether there are 2 pages or 22 and read the last few posts to see if I'm late to the party but sometimes forget. Mumsnet threads are also really poorly formatted so there's no way to quickly scan for OP's updates.

Ok so the MN police are about tonight. Personally I use MN for a bit of light entertainment and occasional advice but I don't sit informing people of updates and ordering people to RTFT because real life isn't like that. People dip in and out.The thread title asks a question and I'm answering it because no , I don't have time to RTFT! Threads come up in searches and it's always helpful to see replies whether historic or current so please don't feel the need to police me, I'm just fine as I am.

Rude, egocentric and irrelevant? Ok, cool. You do you.

Ha ha ha!

Sprockermum

A huge well done for going OP. You've been very brave and determined. I hope you managed to enjoy the day.

I know it's been said many times but as the weeks and months pass your baby will sleep better. In all probability you will too.

When my son was a baby I found the not knowing when he would next wake very anxiety provoking. He slept so badly, I was exhausted and dreaded him waking up after just an hour of being asleep- the dread became anxiety and I couldn't sleep myself. It's a vicious vicious circle and my heart goes out to you. I promise you though, that it will improve.

Sleep deprivation really is a form of torture. It robs you of so much mental strength. Anything you can do to get more sleep will really help but I know that's much easier said than done.

Take any help that you can. Maybe your married friend would babysit one night so you could get some sleep.

Another thing that might be worth considering is beta blockers. They will not make you any less alert. They remove the physical sensations of anxiety- the churning stomach, sweaty hands, racing pulse, fluttering heart. Although the mental anxiety remains, I found it very very much easier to deal with as my body felt normal. Maybe have a chat to your GP about it?

Nee naw, nee naw, it's me, the Police.

Takes less time to skim the last page than it does to type a reply.

I'm so glad you got on with it and went. My intial thought was why thr fuck have you left it till the day before to realise that maybe you couldn't cope. But in the end you obviously just needed to vent and did the right thing and pushed through the haze. Hope the day was good

Let us know how it’s going! Hope you are enjoying yourself. A change is good and you will survive. I know how hard it is having small babies. Well done for going

Agree. Don’t go to pre wedding hair / makeup but defo go to wedding ceremony

I've been reading this thread and thinking back to my own wedding. I simply can't imagine that, if my MOH (my DSis in my case) had pulled out for the reasons described by the OP, I would have thought my day had been ruined. I would have been sad, but I would have been more concerned for her welfare. I would have known her well enough to know that she must be in a bad way to pull out.

I do think you should go, though, OP. I think if you don't you will regret it, if she's your closest friend. But I also think you should tell her how tired you are and her other BM can take some of the load. Then you could slip away early afterwards.

The ceremony was today! What's done is done

Sorry, I see it's happened! I'm glad you went in the end!

Sorry to buck the trend here, but if you are ill you are ill. Unless you can get someone to look after the baby at their house so you won't be disturbed if you really are feeling that ill then you'll just have to call her and explain. The bride isn't going to want a wrecked looking bridesmaid on her photos or a bridesmaid taken ill at their wedding and it's not like you have a silly excuse, you have just recently had a baby. Adrenaline won't get you through if you're that poorly plus you'd be expected to be at the reception etc. Your friend should understand that this could be an issue having recently had a baby.
People saying your friend will ditch you,well, she won't if she's a true friend, she'll understand. Yes it is letting her down at the last minute but you can't help this.

TBH no one needs to RTHT to know was posted yesterday so wedding was obviously today- no point saying she should go as erm it’s already the day, so the decision would have been made already 😂

Blimey OP, kudos. I wouldn't have gone! I hope you made sure your friend knows how bloody amazing you are!