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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to friends wedding tomorrow...I'm the bridesmaid

729 replies

sillyandsally · 01/03/2019 19:05

I had a baby 3 months ago and she isn't sleeping on a night at all.
I'm lucky if I get 2 hours sleep.
I'm exhausted to a point I feel sick.
My friends wedding tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid but I know tonight I will be lucky to get even 3 hours sleep so I'm going to be in no fit state.
I feel so sick and exhausted with tiredness.
Aibu to tell her I can't go?
The wedding is at 1pm but she wants me over at 9am for makeup and hair.
I don't know what to do

OP posts:
TanteRose · 02/03/2019 12:57

Well done OP! Hope it's all going wellSmile

kateandme · 02/03/2019 13:03

Well done op maybe after today try looking into this anxiety and tiredness.get some support.anxiety is a cripple too.so if it already tired it will ten billion times it.and it's a sneaky bully socit will manipulate and tell u" oh you can't go through baby tiredness" when actually it's the bully prodding u in the back weighing down on u with fears.

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 02/03/2019 13:10

I'm glad you went OP you probably would have felt awful had you not

As an aside only on MN have I seen this attitude that nobody should ever want their wedding to go well or have what they would like for one day if they do they are a bridezilla...

OrangeJuiceandArmchairs · 02/03/2019 13:16

So glad you got some sleep op Thanks

If you're anything like me you wouldn't have slept if you'd cancelled. You'd have just laid there exhausted torturing yourself. Like when you call in sick to work and lie there worrying about what's happening in your absence!

MadisonAvenue · 02/03/2019 14:11

Have a lovely day OP Flowers

LittlePaintBox · 02/03/2019 15:17

Well done for getting there, OP. Hope you're having a great time.

beanaseireann · 02/03/2019 15:33

OP well done for going. You rock.
Minmooch I'm sorry to hear you lost your dson. Heartbreaking and so kind of you to offer advice re sleep. Thanks

NotTheFordType · 02/03/2019 15:46

@EstrellaDamn

Yes it's not a funeral though
Its a bloody wedding

Which nobody on god green earth will make any diffeerence to if they turn up or not.

The important thing is that they get ~MARRIED. Not how many random hangers on were at the buffet

MumW · 02/03/2019 15:54

Hope that your day is going ok. I'm sure you are all managing to have a lovely day.

StealthPolarBear · 02/03/2019 16:11

Random hangers on?!

oldowlgirl · 02/03/2019 16:29

Well done Op. Hope you manage to have a great day. Sleep deprivation is terrible but it does get easier (you get more used to it & at the same time, baby gets older & sleeps better). Hang in there.

Justkeeprollingalong · 02/03/2019 16:40

How's it going OP?

PotteringAlong · 02/03/2019 17:03

Honestly, I know I don’t know you from Adam but I’m so proud of you Flowers

Mummyoftwo91 · 02/03/2019 17:07

She only has you and her sister, you not being there because you are tired will ruin her wedding, I've been there with a newborn and it's fucking awful so I understand how you feel but it's a few hours suck it up and be there for her

Mummyoftwo91 · 02/03/2019 17:08

Also a child free day will be great for you, let your hair down and enjoy yourself Thanks

SpeakUpXXWomen · 02/03/2019 17:08

about 24 hrs too late there Mummyoftwo91 !

Mummyoftwo91 · 02/03/2019 17:09

My bad, also v tired so didn't notice that 😂

SpeakUpXXWomen · 02/03/2019 17:10

Nap time!

iMum · 02/03/2019 17:14

My friend was bridesmaid a week after a caesarean and I have no idea how she did it-but she did-the whole day, not once making a show of it-if you didn't know she'd just had a baby you wouldn't have ever know (unless you saw her when she snuck out at convenient moments to breast feed)
She was amazing and I'm still in awe of her for doing it!

dragonsfire · 02/03/2019 17:25

I am glad to see you made it and hope you enjoyed as much as you could.

Remember friends can be a great help and support with childcare to - you sound like you need a bigger network. I hope it gets better for you Flowers

jade19 · 02/03/2019 17:27

Of course YABU! You have been a mum for 3 months. You can't just decide not to go on the day once everything has been paid out for and she is counting on you being there!

Punstow61 · 02/03/2019 17:31

You’re amazing! I hope you manage to enjoy some of the day. To those who don’t seem to understand, long term sleep deprivation is utterly and completely awful. The impact on mental health is massive. Why do you think sleep deprivation is used in torture!!!!

You are a star for going and you can look back on it and be so proud of yourself.

impossible · 02/03/2019 17:32

Hope it went well sillyandsally. You should be proud of yourself facing your anxiety while being understably exhausted. I hope in some way today has felt like a break - a change being as good...

icanbewhatiwant · 02/03/2019 17:40

I hope you enjoyed the day in the end.

I just wanted to say I know how the exhaustion feels. My oldest son was a nightmare. He seemed to spend the first 3 months either screaming or sucking on my breast. I think that was one of the most difficult 3 months of my life. I spent hours pacing him up and down. I had no support as parents not local and as my husband worked as a farmer 24/7 he wanted his sleep. So I tried to not disturb him.
It does get better.
My son is 17 now and can sleep for England 😀

KingHenrysCodpiece · 02/03/2019 17:41

NotTheFordType Grin I'm with you all the way!Grin

Jade19 you need to read the thread

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