Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to friends wedding tomorrow...I'm the bridesmaid

729 replies

sillyandsally · 01/03/2019 19:05

I had a baby 3 months ago and she isn't sleeping on a night at all.
I'm lucky if I get 2 hours sleep.
I'm exhausted to a point I feel sick.
My friends wedding tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid but I know tonight I will be lucky to get even 3 hours sleep so I'm going to be in no fit state.
I feel so sick and exhausted with tiredness.
Aibu to tell her I can't go?
The wedding is at 1pm but she wants me over at 9am for makeup and hair.
I don't know what to do

OP posts:
SteelRiver · 02/03/2019 10:02

Have a lovely day, OP. Enjoy being spoiled I having your hair & make up done.

You've done so well to get there, and I'm sure it'll be worth it. X

NotTheFordType · 02/03/2019 10:10

@RockyFlintstone

Yes, honestly I am. I don't see why women should be guilted into this type of shit, especially when they are coping with a small baby alone. A bridesmaid does literally nothing that impacts on the marriage.

Do you think the male whatever the fuck they're called? Ushers? are putting themselves out like this?

Livpool · 02/03/2019 10:11

Good luck today op. Enjoy but leave early and try to get some much needed sleep while you DC is being looked after xx

Readytogogogo · 02/03/2019 10:13

Very best of luck!Flowers

RockyFlintstone · 02/03/2019 10:16

NotTheFordType and you seem hell bent on advising the OP not to have a nice day with her friend (a friend who she is obviously close enough to be a bridesmaid for).

Nice.

Newhere555 · 02/03/2019 10:17

YABU, I assume she has paid for your dress, paid for hair and makeup, organised a table plan that includes you, which would be ruined. It’s extremely selfish and I wouldn’t expect her to be friends with you after. The other bridesmaids and guests will also judge you. SUCK IT UP and leave early.

RockyFlintstone · 02/03/2019 10:19

I don't see why women should be guilted into this type of shit

She had plenty of time to get out of 'this type of shit'. You just don't drop out of being a bridesmaid on the day.

And actually a day away from her baby with other people is probably exactly what she needs to feel a bit normal again.

legolimb · 02/03/2019 10:21

I'm pleased you made it OP.

It will be worth it. A day of celebrations might be just what you (and baby) need.

Enjoy.

AiryFairy1 · 02/03/2019 10:23

Oh my word! Read the thread already - she’s gone to the wedding!

I’m super impressed as I’d also feel like bailing out ... sleep deprivation is THE WORST! But the distraction might be just what OP needs.

AiryFairy1 · 02/03/2019 10:23

@Newhere ☝️

EstrellaDamn · 02/03/2019 10:23

Ok @NotTheFordType let's say it was the friends mum's funeral. The OP being there would have no impact on the mum being dead. But she would go to support her friend, because friends love each other and want to help each other out.

You wouldn't not go to a funeral because you were a bit knackered.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/03/2019 10:27

Glad you got some sleep and managed to get there, Silly - hope you have a great day now.

I know how hard it is to function on so little sleep but you did well to overcome your anxieties and just get on with it.

I don't know whether or not the bride would have "never spoken to you again" if you'd NOT made it - hopefully she would have been more human and understanding! - but it would have been a massive disappointment and stress for her if you hadn't turned up, so I'm glad you did.

WineThanks

GabsAlot · 02/03/2019 10:35

hope it goes well but i wouldnt drink if i was that tired liable to send you to sleep rather than keep you going

FullOfJellyBeans · 02/03/2019 10:38

I don't see why women should be guilted into this type of shit

Both men and women should stick to their commitments whenever possible which is what OP is doing. She'll get through the day and be glad she did. Good luck OP!

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 02/03/2019 10:42

OP, you are an absolute star!

Life looks so much harder on constantly insufficient sleep; that bone-crushing tiredness a PP mentioned is relentless. Turning up for the ceremony and photographs is the really important bit; after that it's a case of seeing what your stamina will allow. If you have the chance, load up on the caffeine and give yourself a few sugar hits.

You deserve a day off. I hope you find you enjoy it, and I hope Bride realizes what a good friend she has! Kudos.

LoubyLou1234 · 02/03/2019 10:42

Hope you manage to have a great day OP.

I don't think she's bowing to pressure she probably doesn't want to let a very good friend down on a special day. She's made it, she doesn't have to stay for the whole thing but Im sure she will enjoy and not regret her decision in the end.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/03/2019 10:48

Glad you’ve gone op, have a good day. I’d steer clear of the booze, it’s likely to make you more tired.

howwillwedeal · 02/03/2019 10:57

@NotTheFordType WTF are you on about? The OP was asked to be a bridesmaid and accepted, if she felt guilt tripped into the shit, she had every opportunity to decline then. She's not saying that the wedding and marriage and attending is shut, she's saying she was concerned about going because she's exhausted and anxious.

You need to separate your thoughts on weddings and marriage and answer the actual post.

buzzbobbly · 02/03/2019 11:16

Well done Silly.

You will make it through the day. You should also be so proud of yourself - both for physically doing it AND for beating any anxious worries too.

Double win!

Bluetrews25 · 02/03/2019 11:18

Well done SillyandSally
I hope your fatigue has helped you to float through some of the anxiety and you realise that actually, This Woman Can.
Hope you and your friend (and the groom!) have a wonderful day.
Flowers Wine Star Cake Flowers

PreseaCombatir · 02/03/2019 11:47

Enjoy the wedding op

bizzey · 02/03/2019 11:54

Hope you have a lovely day OP ..You deserve it Flowers

BikeRunSki · 02/03/2019 12:07

SillyandSally I’m so glad you’ve gone. In time to come, you will be so pleased that you did. Adrenaline, friendship and carbs will get you through the day. 😄. Those sleepless nights do get better.... it might just take some time. But when it happens it’s amazing!!

thecatsthecats · 02/03/2019 12:29

Well done on going, OP!

I didn't manage to post yesterday, but I would have suggested that you speak to your friend about adaptation - a mid morning nap! - to help you face it. (I have sleep issues, and migraines as a result of sleep issues - I don't even have a baby yet but even a tenth of that is bloody excruciating).

To add some perspective, our best man dropped out of the wedding (sort of) about a month beforehand due to a MH crisis. We were shell shocked but sympathetic, and made other arrangements. He actually made an offer over text to take part the night before the wedding, and never have I been luckier that a text didn't get through. DH and I neither wanted him to put himself through it, or to labour our wedding day through supporting someone with severe MH difficulties. Friendship is about so much more than being there on a specific day.

However - I would have encouraged you to go! If you'd dropped out yesterday or today, the morning would have been more about how you weren't there than about preparing for her wedding.

Your effort for your friend today was greater than your tiredness - well done!

AnyFucker · 02/03/2019 12:51

Good call, op

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread