To not go to friends wedding tomorrow...I'm the bridesmaid

[sillyandsally]

I had a baby 3 months ago and she isn't sleeping on a night at all.
I'm lucky if I get 2 hours sleep.
I'm exhausted to a point I feel sick.
My friends wedding tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid but I know tonight I will be lucky to get even 3 hours sleep so I'm going to be in no fit state.
I feel so sick and exhausted with tiredness.
Aibu to tell her I can't go?
The wedding is at 1pm but she wants me over at 9am for makeup and hair.
I don't know what to do

A change is as good as a rest.

Baby steps. Concentrate on each individual part and getting through those - not the whole daunting day.

You have a nice child free day. Enjoy.

I totally understand how you feel. I've been there with babies suffering from very bad colic and the overwhelming sleep deprivation that turns everything into anxiety. I've been there crying my eyes out at the prospect of a day Inver through I could get through and wanting nothing more than to hide in a grotto and hibernate for months.

Sadly this thread probably made you feel worse about your situation than helping. Please go today because one thing I've learnt through it all is however daunting such situations appear the night before and morning off, it ne er turns out to.e as bad as you fear. Your body functions kick in, adrenalin flows and you surprise yourself how you can get on with it despite how you feel.

The pain of the guilt and feeling dreadful at letting a friend down, let alone losing their friendship because no, they won't understand you saying you're not going at the last minute, having to make an ex use for you when e eryone ask where you are etc...will weight on you much heavier and more imports tly for much longer.

Don't wake up debating whether to do it or not, get ready, go and tell yourself it will be all over before you know it.

I hope today goes well! ❤️

Totally understand op.
I can barely function on an ordinary day with lack of sleep so having to be a bridesmaid ( which is very tiring at the best of times ) will be very hard.
Personally I wouldn’t let my friend down though, but I’d leave as soon as (politely) possibly, your friend will understand.

I hope you managed to sleep OP. If you manage to make it then after the first dance, I'd run to your hotel room and take advantage to sleep.

Put on your makeup , hair and outfit and get yourself there - collapse in a heap later and consider yourself a star .

How are you feeling today?? Thinking of you.

Hope you slept well. Come on, up and shower and get round to your friend's place. Enjoy the pampering of hair and make-up and have a really fabulous time.

It's a day to be positive and smiley for those pictures.

I hope you've had some sleep op! You can do this. You went to all the effort of doing your hair and applying fake tan - you don't want to waste that!

More seriously, I completely understand both the exhaustion and the anxiety. But you CAN do this.

Good luck for today, I hope all goes well. When I'm anxious I try and concentrate on what is happening now and push other thoughts away. Think about what needs doing for the next hour, all day just concentrate on the next hour, tomorrow will soon be here and you will have done it.

I know how you feel because I was bridesmaid twice when my baby was 2 months and didn't have more than a few hours sleep (still don't as he is a crap sleeper, 2 years later). I went to both weddings as they were two of my best friends and I wouldn't let then down. I was exhausted but after coffee and some champagne , good company, food and music, I was buzzing. Was also lovely to get hair and makeup done and feel nice looking for once. You will regret not going and although right now you can't muster the energy, I promise you will have a good time when you go. You need a break from your baby too is it's just you on your own. Go and have some time with your friends. You learn to cope with the tiredness eventually.

and the meaness and cruelty of some posters is quite staggering given this isn't a selfish woman, its clearly someone on the edge and struggling. i hope you never have to do what she is doing

^ I agree with this 100%

And the few posts saying ‘why didn’t you speak to her before’ or ‘everyone knows a baby wakes and Mums are tired.’ That’s not true. Generally people without children and mums with decent-sleepers (even those with a wake up or 2 in the night are decent IMO) do not get it. They genuinely don’t. Just read some of the nasty comments on this very thread to see that.

If my second child who slept well (at 3 months old she was sleeping through the night maybe now and again she would wake once) I would have been less empathetic but my first child was an awful sleeper. So I really get it. I am not exaggerating when I say I thought I was literally going to die from exhaustion. My mental health went to pieces and the OP is suffering from anxiety and is really struggling.

I hope you’re OK this morning OP. Get dressed up. Have a great time. If you’re scared of passing out or being sick then have lots of sips of water, avoid alcohol and make sure you do eat - some toast this morning, a nibble at the reception. Just enough to keep you going if you are anxious. Then after the speeches go home and sleep. You can do this.

I was on my knees with tiredness after one of mine, but had older DC so couldn't stop.

It did take a toll on me, and I made a number of consfused and bad decisions. With hindsight one of the things that would really helped me wasn't a good friend pointing out when I was making some of the bigger mistakes.

OP: I want to be that friend I never had to you. Go to the wedding. It'll be the most massive mistake if you don't. Don't worry if you're late for the hair/make up, donmt worry if you have to find a time/place for a nap at some point during the festivities. But be there.

My best friend who's dd was bridesmaid bailed the day before my wedding. We were so close and I've never forgiven her. I haven't seen her since the day before the wedding and it ruined my wedding. Not just by the fact I had no bridesmaid but by the fact my best friend wasn't there.

Thinking of you!!! Try to use this as a change of scenery ,love the advise to sleep in make up artists chair .... see if you can grab an hour I so hope your little one slept and your anxiety isn’t too bad

You are raising a baby by yourself you are amazing!!! You deserve to do something different and to feel like a woman rather than a mummy ( as amazing as being a mummy is to have nice hair and make up will be a nice change )

Good luck and if you can’t do red bull or coffee cups of tea or coke or sugar ( once you have had your make up artist nap 😴😂😂)

Get yourself home as soon as is reasonable x x

Hope you got some sleep op

I'd to to the day but leave for the evening
If you're that tired

You would be well cheeky to not go

why didn’t you speak to her before’ or ‘everyone knows a baby wakes and Mums are tired.’ That’s not true. Generally people without children and mums with decent-sleepers (even those with a wake up or 2 in the night are decent IMO) do not get it

^^This.

To those saying you can't not go just because you're tired. It's not normal tiredness, it's not even exhaustion. It's prolonged, sustained bone numbing weariness that can prevent you thinking properly and turns your brain and memory to mush. Your central nervous system doesn't know if its in flight or fight mode and you get ridiculously stressed out just contemplating doing anything that demands decent expending of energy, because you don't have any. Not all mums experience it and some handle it better than others. Generally its shit and gets nowhere near enough attention. I personally believe not all women 'get away with it' and if it goes on for years it has long term effects.

Off my soapbox.

Op I hope you have a great day!. Great day meaning you get there, get through the ceremony and fulfill your obligation to your friend. If you manage to have a decent time then great! You can do it

Honestly people saying they would never speak to the op again I think that's way over the top. I'd be pissed off but can honestly say I'd forgive and forget and just get on with my day.

Although some people see their wedding as being a massive deal, I was more concerned with the actual meaning of it, and as long as my partner turned up that's all I cared about.

Op I hope you're okay. You can do this. Just go to the ceremony and give your best wishes before leaving.

Another message to say good luck today OP. Sleep deprivation can really mess with your head at the best of times. You're a good mother and a good friend, the sleeping will get better, and in a year's time you'll be so glad you made the decision to go.

I got some sleep
Not much but some ..4 hours ish.
I'm nearly at my friends house
I'm tired but I can function kind of tired
Got my cuppa with me and lucozade
Hoping couple of proseccos perk me up

Hope you have a good day OP. It could be just what you need. You might have more fun than you think 🎉🥂

Brilliant op! Don't start too early on the Prosecco. Have a fab day 👍