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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not go to friends wedding tomorrow...I'm the bridesmaid

729 replies

sillyandsally · 01/03/2019 19:05

I had a baby 3 months ago and she isn't sleeping on a night at all.
I'm lucky if I get 2 hours sleep.
I'm exhausted to a point I feel sick.
My friends wedding tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid but I know tonight I will be lucky to get even 3 hours sleep so I'm going to be in no fit state.
I feel so sick and exhausted with tiredness.
Aibu to tell her I can't go?
The wedding is at 1pm but she wants me over at 9am for makeup and hair.
I don't know what to do

OP posts:
Nothinglefttochoose · 02/03/2019 02:44

I can’t believe you would even consider this. I would never speak to you again if you were my friend.

fairybeagle · 02/03/2019 02:59

I'm so sorry OP. I'm also massively lacking sleep and can actually see where you're coming from! I don't think people understand the sheer exhaustion of sleep deprivation. Is there anyway you could make an excuse that's not the tiredness? Maybe baby isn't feeling well? Xx

NotTheFordType · 02/03/2019 03:00

Jesus christ. So many snowflakes. "ooohhh if you don't turn up I'll never speak to you again." Yay don't speak to me again, you'll be doing me a favour.

OP I really hope you're getting some sleep and you don't feel obligated to turn up at your mate's party tomorrow.

OldGreyBoots · 02/03/2019 03:01

Go on, kick the OP while she's down.
Thinking of you sillyandsally, whatever you choose. Flowers

NotTheFordType · 02/03/2019 03:02

" I would never speak to you again"

Seriously what would you do if she banged your husband??

OwlBeThere · 02/03/2019 03:21

If my best friend was so tired she wasn't functioning, i couldn't care less if she didn't come to my wedding. because i'm an adult who realises the world doesn't revolve around me, and other people have problems. seriously, the bridezilla crazy of some people mystifies me. Yes its ok to care about your wedding, its absolutely not ok to care about your wedding above and beyond everyone and everything else, including your best friends health ffs.
OP, i seriously feel for you lovely. sleep deprivation is a literal form of torture and not taken seriously enough in my opinion. I'd try and go, do the service and the speeches and then bow out. no one should blame you for leaving early, and f they do, quite frankly they need to give their fucking heads a wobble.

OwlBeThere · 02/03/2019 03:22

and the meaness and cruelty of some posters is quite staggering given this isn't a selfish woman, its clearly someone on the edge and struggling. i hope you never have to do what she is doing.

Limpshade · 02/03/2019 03:28

I understand OP but you cannot cancel.

If you stay home, you're still going to feel tired and shit. But with an extra dose of guilt and anxiety.

Go and get your hair and make-up done, and enjoy seeing friends.

It's one day. You'll get through it.

Nothinglefttochoose · 02/03/2019 04:21

Whatever Owlbethere! You cannot just pull out the night before when you are a bridesmaid in a wedding because you are tired. It is utterly ridiculous.

Colabottles64 · 02/03/2019 04:35

“Drip feed of anxiety” - what a nasty, nasty comment. It’s quite clear that the OP is having a tough time with anxiety from the start; do you think anyone just wants to drop out on a friend like this?

Silly - you are caring for a baby solo most of the time and your baby is still young and waking a lot; that must be so challenging. I’ve got a little baby too at the moment and even with a helpful other half, it is so tough some days! I think everyone forgets or just struggles to empathise with how low some points can be caring for a baby, no matter how much you love the baby etc. In my experience the anxiety can be crippling too and it can make one doubt ones ability to do even the simplest things at times.

You are carrying a lot on your shoulders right now; it sounds a bit like pulling back from the wedding might be a bit of a cry for help. I think however it may isolate you a bit as you risk losing a friend instead of rallying help you need right now. Can you think of some ways you can reach out for help the day after the wedding? It might really help to be able to tell someone in your life how tough you’re finding things and how you feel. Having a plan about when and how to do that may provide some comfort. And think about what other support might be of use; health visitor or GP? That anxiety is really hurting you right now and they can help xxx

As for tomorrow and the immediate challenge of being bridesmaid; How about trying to reframe tomorrow in your mind as a day off? Think about the positive aspects; some pampering, no cooking, a bit of physical freedom from baby for a few hours and allow yourself to have that day. You deserve a rest and it could prove to be just what you need in some ways xxx

crispysausagerolls · 02/03/2019 04:45

You have to go tomorrow (today reallly).

My general advice as someone with a baby who is teething and waking up every 30-40 mins in the night is to train yourself to go to bed early. Yes it’s a bit sad but I go to bed at 8pm. I read a bit in bed and I’m asleep by 9 and then I have 9pm-7pm when he wakes up to claw together as much sleep as possible, even if it’s interrupted and in dribs and drabs. It’s the only way to remain functional during a tough patch like this - I sympathise. I co-sleep as well which I find much easier.

echt · 02/03/2019 04:46

“Drip feed of anxiety” - what a nasty, nasty comment. It’s quite clear that the OP is having a tough time with anxiety from the start; do you think anyone just wants to drop out on a friend like this?

The OP spoke only of exhaustion. Anxiety appeared on page 10, so not from the start.

Hermagsjesty · 02/03/2019 05:29

I’m sorry you’ve had such a horrible time from some on this thread, OP. Sounds like you’re really struggling. If I were you, I would miss the hair and make-up - or at least get there as last as you can get away with - but try to be there for the ceremony/ speeches and then leave as early as you feel you can. I can understand how hard that might feel though. Flowers

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 02/03/2019 05:52

you can do this OP

Get through today
Lean heavily on parents who’ll be looking after the baby today; try and get them to give you some hours to rest tomorrow?
Then on Monday please reach out to your GP, health visitor, local children’s centre, anyone to tell them how utterly exhausted you are.

I wouldn’t wish new baby exhaustion on another soul but handling it solo is a special kind of dark place.

Use this moment to recognise you need and deserve help and reach out.

Today: dig as deep as you can. And good luck xx

TwoShades1 · 02/03/2019 05:53

I can’t believe how selfish you are! When you committed to being a bridesmaid you presumably knew that your would have a young at the time of the wedding? Even if its your first child even child free people know that babies generally wake up a lot at night and new mums are super tired. You have presumably had plenty of time to gracefully pull out if you realised it was an unrealistic commitment. Pulling out the day before will definitely lose you the friendship of the bride (and probably any other friends involved in the wedding).

Leafy2018 · 02/03/2019 06:11

I did this with a five week old baby. It was exhausting, my boobs were exploding (forgot breast pump, baby wasn't interested in feeding from me as she had enjoyed gallons of expressed milk - my dress actually split in the end) and we had to endure three fire alarms during the night at the hotel. My husband also had to get changed at the side of the car in a forest on the way to the wedding as he'd been so busy with the baby that he had run out of time to go to hotel first. I wished I hadn't agreed to it but it was a good friend and I was still flattered to have been asked. There's no way I'd have pulled out the night before.,. I don't think your friendship would ever be the same again.

BlackCatSleeping · 02/03/2019 06:27

Try to be kind, eh, people. It doesn't cost you anything.

Readytogogogo · 02/03/2019 06:31

Totally agree Blackcat. Can't believe how cruel some of these comments are, do people get a kick from it?

sodonesooverit · 02/03/2019 06:34

Morning

You need to go. Whisper in the ear of a bridesmaid how knackered you are and get some coffee down the hatch. Snooze in the make up artists chair, it won't be the first time that's happened. I know it's rough but the thought is worse than the reality and you'll be fine when you get there. Big deep breaths and plaster a smile on. Your friend needs you and you'll benefit from a day with your friend too x

Redcampions · 02/03/2019 06:41

I think I would be annoyed at the fact you had not mentioned anything up to now. You said that you were waiting to see if your little one sleeps though but was this still the case a week ago??
You do have my sympathy as severe tiredness is a bitch

treenu · 02/03/2019 06:43

Good luck, thinking of you Today.

Don't feel bad for feeling this way.

StealthPolarBear · 02/03/2019 06:54

How are you doing this morning op? You can do this and then in the longer term you need more help from the people around you.

Pinkyyy · 02/03/2019 07:08

I hope you managed to get some sleep OP. Good luck todayFlowers

Whyyounoeatmypie · 02/03/2019 07:12

Thinking of you today OP. Sleep deprivation did for me when my son was small, the world just feels unreal and unbearable. You're doing awesome.

GoFiguire · 02/03/2019 07:16

Are you going?

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