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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not go to friends wedding tomorrow...I'm the bridesmaid

729 replies

sillyandsally · 01/03/2019 19:05

I had a baby 3 months ago and she isn't sleeping on a night at all.
I'm lucky if I get 2 hours sleep.
I'm exhausted to a point I feel sick.
My friends wedding tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid but I know tonight I will be lucky to get even 3 hours sleep so I'm going to be in no fit state.
I feel so sick and exhausted with tiredness.
Aibu to tell her I can't go?
The wedding is at 1pm but she wants me over at 9am for makeup and hair.
I don't know what to do

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 01/03/2019 22:54

i have anxiety i understand op-its the build up that is the worst bit then it always works out

i do hope youre getting some sleep now

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 01/03/2019 22:55

Hi OP

As someone who doesn't cope well and feels panicky and has also fainted through lack of sleep -

It's never as bad as you think when it's an occasion your worried about as adrenalin gets you through
Make sure you have plenty liquids and eat little and often so your blood sugar doesn't drop. Tell the staff and keep a stash of cereal bars smewhere if you have to
Don't stand up too fast
Don't spend time making small talk with people unless you absolutely have to - do the bare minimum. No one will remember and you won't be drained further. Take long breaks in the toilet or nip home if you have to. Unless you're an extrovert where you'll be energised after speaking to loads of strangers then go for it!

Crystalintheeyes · 01/03/2019 22:57

You can do that.

But if you were my friend and did that, I’d never speak to you again.

Suck it up.

Alicesweewonders · 01/03/2019 22:57

Sleep deprivation is a killer, I know I have a wee baby too. She started to sleep better recently, then bam. She got sick & it's back to no sleep.

The reason I'm saying this is because, if you cancel plans ( Especially important ones like this) because of lack of sleep. Your gonna be cancelling a lot with kids. I'd personally go, get through what you can, then leave early if you need to. It's one day.

foodiefil · 01/03/2019 22:57

Say you'll do your own hair and make up and get there looking the best you can for the services. Leave after speeches.

I know you're exhausted but this means a lot to her and for you to just push through for a few hours will mean more to her than you not going for the day will mean to you. When you aren't as tired as you are now you'll feel bad.

Come on OP you can do this xx

LittlePaintBox · 01/03/2019 22:58

Hope you're resting now, OP.

You CAN do this - you won't pass out. If you feel unable to cope for the whole day, it sounds like it will be quite easy to leave once the reception is underway.

It sounds like you're a very devoted mum, I hope that you can get to the wedding and have a lovely day.

Flowers Flowers Flowers

ineedaholidaynow · 01/03/2019 23:01

I hope you are asleep now OP and that you cope tomorrow, and that the rest of the wedding party are understanding towards your exhaustion and anxiety.

PregnantSea · 01/03/2019 23:01

Sorry OP but you have to go to this wedding.

Just go and be really tired, and then leave once all the planned stuff is over and everyone is drinking and dancing. I know it will suck and be hard but you will massively regret not going and it will affect your friendship. You're a bridesmaid, not just a guest. I would find it hard to forgive this.

Hohofortherobbers · 01/03/2019 23:03

You're not thinking straight because you're exhausted. You have to go, you won't be less tired at home will you? So you may as well be at the wedding. Grit your teeth and smile. She would do the same thing for you

perci08 · 01/03/2019 23:09

You had a baby 3 months ago and you have a partner. Your partner needs to pull their weight with helping you with the baby! As for you deciding whether to let down the bride on the day I think it is unfair. You've had ample time before the day before the wedding to discuss this with your friend and about bowing out of the role of bridesmaid for whatever the reason! However, no one can forsee the difficulty with a newborn! Again your partner should be doing their part in childcare role and supporting you with things.

IvanaPee · 01/03/2019 23:11

@perci08 can you literally not read?

artemisdubois · 01/03/2019 23:11

perci08 OP is a single parent, FFS.

MyOtherProfile · 01/03/2019 23:12

You had a baby 3 months ago and you have a partner
Maybe re-rtft!

LittleDoritt · 01/03/2019 23:17

She should probably cancel the cheque too. Hmm

Bangingdoors · 01/03/2019 23:18

Op I sympathise, it sounds like you know what you have to do but are filled with dread.
Whenever there's something on that I should attend and really don't want to I try and picture the afterwards and when I meet the persons involved and how I'll feel. If I picture feeling regret I go if I couldn't care less I stay home.

perci08 · 01/03/2019 23:19

apologies thought I'd read you had a partner!?Confused me banging on about partner doing more. no offence meant.

MonsterKidz · 01/03/2019 23:19

Of course you just go.

Unless you hate your friend and don’t value your friendship at all.

perci08 · 01/03/2019 23:21

YES I know my mistake thank you! Have apoligised keep yer hair on!

lazymare · 01/03/2019 23:21

Oh piss off MonsterKidz. She's on her knees.

OP I hope you get some sleep and then manage to enjoy tomorrow.

foodiefil · 01/03/2019 23:23

ThanksThanksThanks

Ok OP I've read your other posts now - sorry for posting before reading them all.

I now understand you have more going on than your baby.

Hope you've had some decent sleep and wake up able to go to support your best friend.

If you can push through I think you'll be pleased with yourself.

Sometimes in life we have to do these things where our own self comes last.

Only when it's for the people who are really our best people and I feel like your friend is one of your people.

Hope you wake up feeling better. Sending you strength ❤️

You've got this 👍🏽

You can do this ❤️

Take deep breaths and keep in your mind that it's for your best friend

❤️

DistanceCall · 01/03/2019 23:23

You don't have to stay the whole day. Just go there, stay for the ceremony, stay for the start of the meal, and then if you are feeling really bad, leave.

lazymare · 01/03/2019 23:23

As a 2019 bride I would be VERY upset to be let down on the day of the wedding, for something that hadn’t changed in 3 months!

Have you had a non-sleeping baby as a single parent?

foodiefil · 01/03/2019 23:23

@MonsterKidz rtft. Not a relevant comment

anniehm · 01/03/2019 23:24

Just drink coffee or take a caffeine pill. It's one day, you can do it

Yabbers · 01/03/2019 23:26

Hilarious how the MN mantra of ‘it’s a wedding, not a summons’ and telling posters to refuse to attend weddings or be bridesmaids because they have babies or childcare issues is suddenly reversed.

Because it's the bloody night before and she already agree to go. If she had taken the MN advice about refusing to attend, she wouldn't be putting the bride in a really shitty situation.

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