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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not go to friends wedding tomorrow...I'm the bridesmaid

729 replies

sillyandsally · 01/03/2019 19:05

I had a baby 3 months ago and she isn't sleeping on a night at all.
I'm lucky if I get 2 hours sleep.
I'm exhausted to a point I feel sick.
My friends wedding tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid but I know tonight I will be lucky to get even 3 hours sleep so I'm going to be in no fit state.
I feel so sick and exhausted with tiredness.
Aibu to tell her I can't go?
The wedding is at 1pm but she wants me over at 9am for makeup and hair.
I don't know what to do

OP posts:
TitsAndTomatoes · 01/03/2019 21:36

You will do this OP. You will make it. Itll kill when u get up in the morning but once you're out you will be fine.
Trust me, it wont be as bad as you think.
Come 6pm just stay in bed with baby and feed and sleep and get your little naps between.x

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 01/03/2019 21:41

Ford step AWAY from the drink and go to bed. Trust me, this once, you'll be glad of it later.

OP, you have to do this. Come on, we're all cheering you on. Drop baby off as early as they will allow, text your friend that you won't be there at 9 but not to panic, you will have your hair and makeup done last. go back home, sleep for as long as you can then neck as much caffeine as you can without throwing up and do this wedding.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 01/03/2019 21:47

Much too last-minute: and I'm not an advocate of playing ball and attending weddings you don't want to go to as a rule. I also know that lack of sleep in my DC's first year nearly sent me batshit crazy. After numerous broken nights, I was nearly on my knees, and the world looked so different after a full night's sleep. But I'd still have seen this through.

If you'd been a casual guest who was being emotionally blackmailed into attending and had never really wanted to go, I'd have offered very different advice. But in my world, you don't commit to an undertaking like this only to let that person down at the last minute. Snore your way through the ceremony if you have to; curl up under the table at the reception and sleep, but on this occasion I really think common decency dictates you should go.

Pretendingtobeapsychokiller · 01/03/2019 21:47

Agree with 'Tits'.
It's hard, but so worth it. Leave when you need to. Your friend will understand.
I still adore my wedding pics with my BF.
She lives in Oz now. I miss her terribly, but I didn't miss her wedding.

lotusbell · 01/03/2019 21:52

Are you ex in laws having baby overnight? At least then you can bow out reasonably early during the night do, get yourself home or back to your hotel bed and have at least one unbroken nights sleep - it'll just be after the wedding. I'm sure your in laws won't expect you to be up and retrieving baby first thing. I'd prewarn the bride, if she doesn't already know that you're knackered and will need a shed load of make up to cover up zombie mum face and you will try not to not off during the speeches! Weddings are stressful enough for all involved, I think you'd really regret it if you didn't go and you'll laugh about it in years to come.

CardinalCat · 01/03/2019 21:53

Oh you poor love, I really feel your pain here!
I had to do something similar a few years ago, and the thought of it was worse than the actual day (I had agreed to it pre-birth thinking' that'll be fine, and as the time approached I was shitting it!). Adrenaline and love (stubbornness) got me through in the end.

Also, I used to hate people who said 'sleep while the baby sleeps' but you must get the baby down ASAP and try to get as much sleep as you can tonight- do you have a lavender spray or hot water bottle? Get yourself snuggled up and try to relax and rest if not sleep. Don't miss the day, but at the same time don't knock yourself out getting there for the crack of dawn- I'm sure the bride will understand you being a bit later than planned or making some adjustments to the plans, if the alternative is not having you at her side at all.

llangennith · 01/03/2019 21:58

I'm an antisocial introvert and would normally say don't go if you don't want to but I think in this case you need to struggle through it. You'll survive. You might feel like shit but you'll get through it❤️

BrizzleMint · 01/03/2019 21:59

YABVVVU if you don't go.

combatbarbie · 01/03/2019 22:08

Are you co sleeping? If you're not have you tried?

I think once you've offloaded the baby tomorrow you'll get a second wind. enjoy the day, have a few drinks, a dance and then a good sleep after (I am assumed the in laws are having baby overnight?)

Amanduh · 01/03/2019 22:10

But if baby sleeps in the day and you’re ‘too tired to sleep’ what else will you do?
Get up. Have coffee. Go and enjoy.
You can’t cancel on the wedding day. No way.

BlondeBumshelll · 01/03/2019 22:15

I would text the bride and tell her you will be there later than planned and grab an extra hour or 90 mins once the inlaws take the baby. Then maybe feign illness during the day so you can escape early and grab another hour or so before baby comes home.

But you really can't ditch your friend at this stage.

JRMisOdious · 01/03/2019 22:17

“

Where abouts are you OP? Maybe there is a mumsnetter who could help look after the baby while you get a few hours”

No doubt we’ll intentioned, but a seriously bad idea.

RockyFlintstone · 01/03/2019 22:19

I can't really believe you are asking this question the night before your friends wedding, of course you can't drop out now! You drop out of parties, nights out, playdates the night before, not being a bridesmaid. If you didn't want to do it you should have said a long time before now.

I know it's difficult when you have a baby that doesn't sleep well, but no, you can't ditch your friend on her wedding day.

maybe123 · 01/03/2019 22:23

PLEASE READ THIS OP

sorry for the caps but just wanted to give you some advice as I have felt EXACTLY the same as you. I've learnt some ways of coping from Theapy

  1. Write everything you are worried about down and then beside it write a solution and if you can't find a solution put there is nothing you can physically do about it now. Eg. I am worried about passing out from tiredness at the wedding. Solution- even if I've had no sleep, it is very unlikely happen. I will eat a solid breakfast in the morning and drink orange lucozade.
  1. If you can't switch off and sleep. Can't down from 100 over and over again. If you get distracted half way through... start again.
  1. Sleep on the other side of the bed or at the bottom. Where you try to sleep every night has the association of not sleeping. You need to break that mental barrier.

Good luck op!

Tailfeather · 01/03/2019 22:23

Can your partner help out tonight to give you more sleep?

DawgLover · 01/03/2019 22:25

Tailfeather its been mentioned a fair few times. The OP does not have a partner to help out.

Tailfeather · 01/03/2019 22:25

(Or is he not involved at all)?

A friend?

ColdCottage · 01/03/2019 22:27

You will regret it if you don't go.
Leave the baby as planned. Go to the hotel/house - have a nap while they all get their hair makeup done. Have yours done last.
After the ceremony and photos nip off for a kip before the meal if you can if not heat head out after the meal and speeches.
Get a few more hours sleep before your mum brings baby back - even better ask if she can have her over night.
See it as a special moment with your friend AND a chance for a break/sleep.

MissEliza · 01/03/2019 22:28

You will regret not going. You sound like you don't have many people to support you so please don't alienate those could be there for you in the future

Thisaintphaedra · 01/03/2019 22:30

Ivana Grin

userxx · 01/03/2019 22:30

As you're really dreading it you will probably have the best time, that's how these things tend to turn out.

Oly4 · 01/03/2019 22:35

You have to go, this is somebody’s greatest day of their life. You can’t let her down and make her feel shit on her wedding day

Kb8219 · 01/03/2019 22:35

I was in a similar situation 2 years ago and to be honest getting out the house and having a baby break was exactly what I needed!

LyndzB · 01/03/2019 22:37

Hey OP

Oh things sound so tough for you and I hope you're okay. Exhaustion is so difficult and without the support of a partner it must be so hard. Remember, you are doing brilliantly and keep saying the phrase 'this too shall pass!'

I'm afraid I agree with everyone else here, don't back out now.

But I would say to see your doctor. I also have a 3 month old and was so tired to the point, like you, where I couldn't sleep at all. The doctor gave me medication for PND - I'm not saying you have that at all but it's worth going just to see if anything can be done about your sleep.

You're doing great, chin up for tomorrow and try to remember that it will get better x

HappyHattie · 01/03/2019 22:53

As a 2019 bride I would be VERY upset to be let down on the day of the wedding, for something that hadn’t changed in 3 months!

If you do decide not to attend, at least tell her that you’re unwell. Fake food poisoning or something similar. I would NEVER advocate lying usually but otherwise she’s going to feel let down and pants on her special day x

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