To not go to friends wedding tomorrow...I'm the bridesmaid

[sillyandsally]

I had a baby 3 months ago and she isn't sleeping on a night at all.
I'm lucky if I get 2 hours sleep.
I'm exhausted to a point I feel sick.
My friends wedding tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid but I know tonight I will be lucky to get even 3 hours sleep so I'm going to be in no fit state.
I feel so sick and exhausted with tiredness.
Aibu to tell her I can't go?
The wedding is at 1pm but she wants me over at 9am for makeup and hair.
I don't know what to do

I do suffer with anxiety and I'm just thinking the worst

Do you have any coping strategies? I know you can’t take your medication.

Would making plans to combat the worst case scenario help? Take high energy snacks that are easy to eat for example?

Please do mention to your friend how bad you’re feeling, there will be things that she and the bridesmaid can do to help the situation.

Sorry op missed the bit about no partner. You’re going great❤️

Some of the replies here! When DS was feeding hourly in the day and waking every two hours at night it was a nightmare, and I couldn't have been a bridesmaid and "sparkled" and smiled at anyone, I couldn't even get through an hour in the house without bursting into tears. And I had a DH who supported me as best he could.

I would not abandon a friend in a similar situation. However disappointed I would be at not having them there, I'd know they were feeling worse and that sleep deprivation is torture.

This was answered upthread by @Butterpup

You CAN not go

But you have to accept your friend may NEVER speak to you again

sillyandsally Fri 01-Mar-19 20:50:56

OP, GO TO BED. Bank as much rest as you possibly can.

Even if you lie resting in a dark room, you can use that to listen to a calming mediation app or do some breathing exercises etc.

Stop hanging out on MN and getting blue light in your brain.

I'm going to go to sleep at 10 and alarm set for 7 so that gives me 9 hours to get something hopefully.
I've washed and dried my hair and slapped some tan on.
I don't like red bull as it makes my heart race too much but I drink lucozade orange and tea.

I agree, sleep as much as you can and then power through with coffee. It would be awful not to go.

OP, I really think you CAN power through tomorrow. You won't pass out or make a fool of yourself. If you can't eat your meal, nobody will mind.

I've said earlier in the thread that if you were my MOH (and I am getting married in a few weeks) I'd understand if you truly felt the need to pull out, and that is true, but I also really believe you'll feel better afterwards if you manage to go than if you don't.

We are all rooting for you! 💪🏻

Why on earth are you waiting another hour before you go to bed?? Go now!!!

Her house is 30 mins away but the reception after is only 3 min walk from my house
I guess my saving grace is by 6pm I'm only 3 mins away from my house.

OP, I've got a 10 month old who sleeps OK now but had me on my knees at about three months so I hugely, hugely sympathise. The exhaustion and sickness are horrendous.
Rather than strangers off the internet, is there a friend you could call to come over? Preferably not one going to the wedding too! They might be able to help out with (or do) the night shift.

@EnglishBreakfastTea strangely even tho I'm exhausted I'm not tired if that makes sense.
You know when you feel too tired to sleep

You won't collapse love I promise. Times I thought I would faint but I never did. Try and get as much rest as you can

Good on you op

Also when I think about going to sleep I feel terrified.
You know that feeling you get in your stomach.
I've turned it into a massive thing now in my brain

OP, I have really bad anxiety and I know what that fear of passing out is like. If you unpick the fear a bit though - I bet you've never passed out before from tiredness? It feels like you will because you feel like a space cadet with exhaustion, but there's no evidence from the past few months that you'll pass out is there? Worse case scenario, if you actually were to faint (you won't) then people would take care of you. It's not as terrible as it seems in your head right now. And that's the absolute worst case scenario, that won't happen.

When my eldest was born a friend once described me as being like "a ghost" because of the sleep deprivation. The idea of being a bridesmaid at that time would have been nightmarish. But you WILL get through it if you go. Coffee (buy some Imodium cause of the effects of the coffee, as a one off). Escape to the loos to take a few minutes out whenever you can to do deep breaths and shut your eyes. Break the day down into stages and try not to think too far ahead. So you can get up in the morning and drop off your daughter, right? That's not too scary a prospect. Then can you get a taxi booked to take you to the hair and make-up? Break it down like that into smaller parts. Tonight, remember that resting is better than nothing. Even the smallest amount of sleep will be enough to muddle through.

Then at least start to wind down from now rather than waiting until 10. Switch off your phone and sit in a darkened room to encourage yourself to get tired! I hope you manage to make it tomorrow

I've left it till now because I kept thinking she will start sleeping more but it never happened.
Nothing stopping you letting her know it was a possibility. It would be incredibly unkind of you just to pull out when you’ve never given her a chance to ask someone else.

If I don't sleep tonight I will be exhausted tomorrow and worrying that I might pass out in the church and everyone will be watching me or once we are eating the meal i might not be able to eat it because I feel so sick.

How on earth do you look after your baby if you’re likely to pass out with exhaustion?

But tech won’t help silly.

A bath with candles, a book, some relaxation sounds...all better than MN!

It’s great that your hair and tan are done. And if you duck at out 6 then you’ll be in your PJs at 6.30!

Good for you OP

BEST OF LUCK

@Passing4Human no I've never passed out in my life.
I don't even know why that's a massive worry
I think it stems from when I used to get panic attacks and I felt as if I was going too.
That's a good suggestion breaking it down.
In my head I always do this ..just cancel because I feel like it's too difficult
I want to be her bridesmaid
I want to have a good day like normal people
I just wish I could

Went to a no baby wedding I was bridesmaid at when baby was 4 months. He ended up coming but hiding in another room as was feeding hourly! I was so so tired, still cringe at how selfish I was in terms of not being as excited as I should have been! I definitely think go and try your best. I remember getting there at 6am, had got up at 5 with baby after basically no sleep and just drank coffee and left the room to cry, better to regret going than regret staying at home! Left at 8pm and still regret it nearly a year on!

As kind as this suggestion is, I reckon strangers off the Internet are pretty low on the list of people you'd want to leave your new baby with. Maybe coming just above the Inlaws.

Yes completely agree - naive (at best) suggestion! And I don't even have lack of sleep to blame it on.

"The thing is when you're that tired, you're that tired whatever you're doing. What you are doing doesn't actually make much difference"

Of course it makes a difference. Fall asleep at home in the sofa? Absolutely fine. Fall asleep on the bus and go way past your stop? Or in work? Not so good...

And can everyone else fall asleep instantly as soon as they put their heads down? There seems to be a lot of advice to grab an hour's sleep here or there, I take an hour to fall asleep, add anxiety and it's even worse