To not go to friends wedding tomorrow...I'm the bridesmaid

[sillyandsally]

I had a baby 3 months ago and she isn't sleeping on a night at all.
I'm lucky if I get 2 hours sleep.
I'm exhausted to a point I feel sick.
My friends wedding tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid but I know tonight I will be lucky to get even 3 hours sleep so I'm going to be in no fit state.
I feel so sick and exhausted with tiredness.
Aibu to tell her I can't go?
The wedding is at 1pm but she wants me over at 9am for makeup and hair.
I don't know what to do

My best friend came to my wedding when she was terminally ill.

Where abouts are you OP? Maybe there is a mumsnetter who could help look after the baby while you get a few hours xx

If you were my bridesmaid I'd totally understand - but not all do.

Personally I'd go to ceremony but say couldn't stay for evening do as so tired.

You are there for the most important part.

Please speak to your HV about any possible causes/help - DD2 fed every2-3 hours until about 8 months I hated it.

OP has had months to arrange for someone else to help tonight. No sympathy.

Wow, what a friend you are!

OP, I do think you should go. Once the day gets going I'm sure you will feel better and you don't have to stay late. Talk to your friend though and let her know how you're feeling.

You need to go it would be massively unreasonable to let her down now.

Sorry I can't reply to each of you.
I do suffer with anxiety and I'm just thinking the worst.
If I don't sleep tonight I will be exhausted tomorrow and worrying that I might pass out in the church and everyone will be watching me or once we are eating the meal i might not be able to eat it because I feel so sick.
Even before I had a baby I never slept the night before events as I was scared I wouldn't sleep.
I then got prescribed Valium for that but obviously I can't take that now as I need to be "alert"
When she wakes up
I think I'm scaring myself into it

If I knew for certain no matter how exhausted I was I wouldn't pass out I would feel a bit better

pinkyredrose Fri 01-Mar-19 20:41:52
Can her father look after her tonight? Presumably he wanted a kid so he should be happy to do so.

First of all RTFT. Second, "Presumably he wanted a kid" - WTF kind of goady comment is this.

Where abouts are you OP? Maybe there is a mumsnetter who could help look after the baby while you get a few hours

As kind as this suggestion is, I reckon strangers off the Internet are pretty low on the list of people you'd want to leave your new baby with. Maybe coming just above the Inlaws.

OP go to bed now! Get as much sleep as you can and do your best.
Go to bed!!!! Turn this off and sleep! Now!!!!!

You won’t pass out from tiredness.

If you eat something and drink a shit load of caffeine you will be able to remain standing for the ceremony. I’m assuming you haven’t yet passed out with your baby?

Then you can stay seated for the rest of the day and cry off early.

Maybe there is a mumsnetter who could help look after the baby while you get a few hours xx

sorry, I know you are being sweet but what?! Yeah she will want a random internet stranger helping with her new baby!

Sorry OP...you have to go...she is your best friend and I assume has been supportive of the difficult time you have had? She will (I hope) continue to support you throughout the coming months and single parent life. You just need to pull it out the bag for one day. Find places to nap. Perhaps the car? Or leave a little early. You can do this!

We've all been there Op and it is shit but no you absolutely can't miss it. Go and do your bridesmaids duties and then have a lovely sleep tomorrow night.

OP you have my complete understanding. I had such awful, mind numbing tear inducing, body trembling sleep deprivation with both DS 1 and 2. I don't think I ever truly recovered. My memory became shit and my sleep pattern never ever returned to normal again, ever. It was like my brain forgot how. I'm certain it has contributed to my health issues now. A situation like this would have induced sheer panic when I was at my lowest on 2 hours sleep a night. People forget sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture.

But unfortunately not going will only cause you further problems down the road in terms of your friendship. If you were my friend I'd understand. People are too precious about weddings imo.

But I'm afraid you'll have to go. You'll be glad you did once its over. Coffee, paracetamol for sleep deprived headache. You'll survive I promise

OP

I can tell you for certain FGS, you won’t “pass out” from tiredness.

It’s getting late. Switch off your phone.

OP put the baby down, have a bath, shave your bits and pieces, wash your hair and moisturise. Throw on your pj’s and go to bed. Get up as and when baby does. Get up early, throw on joggers etc, drop baby off. Arrive at friends. Sleep until they need you and let hair and make up work their magic. Go and enjoy yourself! You may be knackered but find having a day off from being ‘mum’ is fun. Are they having her Saturday night or just the day?

Poor you OP, sleep deprivation absolutely sucks. You are doing so well coping with this on your own.

This spell where baby doesn’t sleep will pass. I know when I had a non-sleeping 3mo I honestly thought this is what the rest of my life would be like. But it does pass.

I know you’ll be super tired, but I think you’ll feel better if you go, get your hair and make up done, drink tea, coffee, red bull, fizz, chat with friends, wear a (hopefully!) pretty outfit and have a day without the grind of looking after a small baby. Remember everything always seems better in the daylight. I always felt ill at this time of the evening with my non-sleeper, but it never seemed quite so bad in the morning.

You will feel shit tomorrow if you don’t go. Worse, I think, than how tired you’ll feel if you do go. I hope you go and have a good time.

Don't worry about it now. Get an early night and don't spend the night on here. You'll be working yourself up into a state. Try to rest now and everything will be OK tomorrow x

You aren’t to pass out or throw up. You need to get through it. Which you are capable of doing.

I agree. Switch off the phone. Listen to some classical music if you can’t sleep. Read a book. But stay off tech!

Can you confide in another bridesmaid? Just tell them you are feeling a little poorly and can they cover for you if you need to get some air? Just say you don’t want to worry the bride

Suck it up for the first bit then have some fizz and sneak off for a nap at the reception.

I hope you're getting some sleep right now. You can do this! You know it'd be terrible to let your friend down at this point. It would really upset her. You might find that, once you're there, to be pampered a bit and have a day out may be good for you. You could even go early in the evening and get a good night's sleep (assuming baby is staying with them that night).

silly

i know this hideous tired but drag your arse there

Running on low sleep is horrible i know but as pp have said she is your best friend, this is the biggest day of her life - you need to power through. It does sound a bit like your anxiety is playing a part too.
Please don’t let her down. Go to bed now, have your partner get up in the night with baby and blast the coffee tomorrow. Just keep thinking of your pal and how much she wants you there.